For the dumped...

[BNelley35]

...Refer to the song "Better Man" by Pearl Jam.

 

In spite of anything a woman ever says, for example; "I want space", "I need to be independent", you know that crap, but whatever it may be, the real reason 90% time is she's either getting bored with the relationship or thinks there is probably a better man out there, seriously, if she didn't why would she break up in the first place? When you're dumped by a girl you need to forget about it, create your own identity, go party, meet new girls, always act happy around here, put the power in your hands, girls become mighty powerful when a dumped guy says dumb loving things, or other things to get back together. Eventually when she comes crawling back make it garunteed the power will never come back into her hands, she has already used hers to your mercy.

 

My ex who is now crawling back to me will have to EARN anything with me, I have more pride than that. The whole issue on these boards on how to get over a breakup really shows how much pride, confidence, and heart you have. When a girl dumps you, alright, feel lousy for 5 minutes, but then get some plans together, go out and find a new girl. Go do some of your favorite hobbies. I felt awful when my ex dumped me earlier this spring, but I found time for myself (at the gym - basketball - other girls), and now the disinterest in the ex has commenced her begging for me back.

 

Now, for when you do allow the ex back into your life...

(If she ever was attracted to you and you do the things above she WILL want you back)

- Keep compliments at a BARE MINIMUM

- Never spend money on a girl unless you're married to her...Sounds rude, but guys trust me here.

- Act as disinterested in things as possible, go out with the guys more than you do with the girls.

- Talk about other girls to her, and how pretty she may look.

- Girls say they want surprises...well after being ignorant if she asks what's wrong or something then come around and say nothing like "What do you mean? I love you" and start the hooking up action.

 

You get the drift? This post isn't to be offensive or anything like that, it's truly the facts of women, take it or leave it, but if you waste another moment crying over your ex, you've lost the battle already.

[couture]

I'm sorry but if you get back together with an ex surely its because u still have feelings for her but if you treat her like you advise people to treat their ex's you're not going to keep them for very long telling her you think other girls are pretty? Not complimenting her? If you treat anybody like that you're with them for the wrong reasons!

[babycristy456]

Hey you know what? I know you are not trying to be offensive and just think you got the facts of life straight. And I do agree with you about finding yourself when there is a break up instead of feeling sorry for yourself and feeling pathetic.

 

Yea, you gotta be strong, don't be a pusssy, don't lose your pride, etc...I think that all depends on the persons and the situations of their break ups. You also gotta realize that some people are more sensitive and not as strong as you might be when it comes to break ups. Or some people might actually be deeply in love, which is hard to let go of sometimes.

 

I do agree with some of the things you've said, but I also think you've stereotyped all women and their reasons for breaking up with a man, and your advice, although smart, might not be the best for every1.

 

Oh and one more thing

- Talk about other girls to her, and how pretty she may look, never spend money on a girl, minimum compliments, act disinterested in things as possible.

...You definitely NEVER do that! What are you thinking? If this is the way you handle your relationships, then I would dump you too.

 

Relationships are supposed to be mutual and you are supposed to put effort into the relationship, giving her what she wants, and she gives you what you want, while at the same time, compromising and setting your limits...if not, how would anything ever work out?? But your talking about "owning" your girlfriend.

 

I think you should re-read what you wrote and ask yourself if you sound like at pr!!ck at some parts...

[in_flux]

Anyone have any thoughts on how to deal with a breakup when you live with someone and neither party is able to leave temporarily or permanently for a little while? (i wanted to post this separately but the forum didn't let me start a new topic, sorry!)

 

My girlfriend, who's been living with me for the past 2 years, broke up with me a couple of days ago ... got the whole "i'm just not feeling the relationship...," 'It kills me to hurt you...," "I still care about you...," "Maybe when I'm older..." cliches, which kind of made me laugh inside but at the same time I was exceptionally upset in the moment and definitely shed a few tears. Here's the problem -- neither one of us has anywhere to go stay, even temporarily (in fact, the idea hasn't even come up), and given our financial situation, neither one of us can afford to move out and get our own place right now, it might take a couple of months. So here I am, downstairs in the bedroom while my ex is upstairs on her computer, chatting away to a bunch of friends on this webcam program (and, as she admitted to me the day we broke up, flirting with other guys -- this is part of the reason she broke up, she felt compelled to flirt, and maybe more, so she took that as a sign our relationship was toast) ... I kinda feel like a chump, and I'm also trying, as best as possible, to avoid her, to get out of the house as much as possible (going to the gym, riding my bike, doing some of my work at a local coffeeshop or cafe, etc.) ... basically trying to get over it, and of course, the emotional part of me semi-hoping she'll realize she's made a mistake and will change her mind (tho the rational side of me knows this will not happen) ... so have any of you been in this kind of situation? what did you do? what would you recommend doing?? any advice/thoughts would be much appreciated!!!

[vfunkera]

my friend gave me the exact same advice you just gave there, mate. at first i looked at him like he was an idiot, but then i realised it that by following it, you are always leavin a girl wanting more from you. it doesnt give them the sense of conquering over us. when they do get that feelin they will break up and thats what i learned. i luved her too much, and she felt it, and walked away untouched. my friend who told me the same advise has been with his girl for almost a year and she loves him to bits!

when my ex comes back ill try not to love her as much as i did because shell b the one who came back. i can definetly see wat this guys talkin about. unfortunately i dont think ill b able to do all the stuff advised because i jus cant treat my girl like that, and ill probably end up lovin her too much again, because the time i was with her was the happiest in my life. all the sufferin at the end is worth being with that girl again for another few months. (sigh)

[Becky35]

In_flux -

 

I totally understand your frustration. I must say that living together without the benefit of marriage can cause a lot of problems. Unfortunately, neither one of you has any rights or responsibilities towards the other right now; when you're not married, you don't have the right to say, "Hey, you made promises to me before God and man, you will be held accountable."

 

You are now in a situation where you are basically forced to endure HER flirting and possible screwing-around right under your nose, unless you do WHATEVER you can to GET OUT! If you still love her, marry her. Quit living in SIN! All it does is cause problems..., I understand that marriage is not always wine and roses, but at least you can go before God with your relationship problems, and know that he is ON YOUR SIDE!

 

Look, I lived in SIN with my husband 8 years ago. But, when I started going to church, I became convicted of my life-style. I asked him to move out; however, we continued to see each other. One year later, we were married. One year after that, he was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder that apparently, ran in his family (did they bother to tell him that, NO!). This was a real battle for the next (4) years. I ended up taking my son, and moving out of the house because he insisted on viewing porn on the net, verbally abusing us, and chatting with other women online. Since we've been separated, he's gone back to his Ex-girlfriend from 9 years ago, came back to me, dumped me, and then started some STUPID relationship with a girl he met online; they talk on the phone all the time and he THINKS he loves her! Like I said, marriage can be rough, but I trust God to restore my marriage! If you trust Him, he'll show you the way.

[dave_1966]

"when you're not married, you don't have the right to say, "Hey, you made promises to me before God and man, you will be held accountable."

 

And since when has marriage been a guarantee of fidelity? People marry in this day and age for a whole multitude of reasons other than religious, many of them hidden agendas (financial security for the female's a popular one). Marriage is often abused for legal reasons like this alone. I think your religious leanings are extreme sounding, tho I would have given them more creedence if the outcome to your particular situation was satisfactory. However, as I read your post I discovered that your situation was appalling and must have tested your faith to breaking point. But that's the whole point I make, it's your faith and you shouldn't inflict your faith on other people. Everybody's faith is personal, and you should respect that before you ram your beliefs down other peoples throats. Hope I haven't offended you, but I find some aspects of religioun dangerous.