Time to move on..

[ScreenagerX]

I think I am at the point where I miss her, and I love her very much. I cannot imagine myself with anyone else, and I don't want to be with anyone else, but...I don't want to be back with her the way things were either. I want to be with her the way I imagines it could be, the way I used to always hope for would happen someday...I still have not completely let that go

 

I can so relate to this entire paragraph. I've never wanted anybody else. I can't imagine myself with anybody else. I've only ever wanted her but we made this descision together. She is with someone else now, I should respect that. I don't think it could actually work if we did get back together, to many things that I would want to change so that we wouldn't come full circle again. Maybe if I just had one more chance................

[Silentlyfor]

I'm doing much better. Thanks for listening guys. That was scary.

 

I'm realizing all I need is more time for healing. What I'm going through is normal and each time I go through this, I feel much better every time I do. It's something we all go through. Don't hold me to this, but I think I'm healing very well.

[desertnomad]

I think the hardest thing of all is accepting a future without her. I could accept a break up for a time or needing some space but its the endless dark tunnel that the future seems to be at this moment ...alone without her. I know there may be a chance with someone else or many chances but right now its all I can see-that destoyed future with her. Thats the hardest thing to accept...losing the hopes of a lifetime, at least the hopes of me and her. I dont think I will ever understand this breakup. It was craziness. But I am moving on slowly because I have no choice. I can only control some things and have to accept the past as it is even though I dont like it.

[LONESOUL]

As I read down this newest page I am reminding of why we come here to

care for and support one another as we embark on this incredible journey toward the the rest of our lives....it's good to have you guys and gals around~hope everyone is having an "up" day. Take good care~

Lone

[ScreenagerX]

Well I just wanted to add that I am feeling 150% better than I have felt in a long time. I'm not saying this to rub it in, I am saying it to show that it does get better. You have good days & bad days but the good days are fantastic. It could have something to do with it being Friday & that I am having coffee with a girl tomorrow who is amazing. Chin up everyone, stay on board

[desertnomad]

Well another post for the move on train after several days off. Been doing alot of hiking and photography past few days which has been good. But missing her to death right now and every day the holidays approach I feel lonelier and lonelier. From what I gather she thinks of me as the devil and like she was a prisoner and I was her captor. I dont know how she could think that. We did so many things and had so much fun. Nothing we did wasnt first run accross her for her approval and input. She just never seemed to care about the details all that much. There was a few times that I grumbled about not being able to do something with her that she was doing with other people. Not out of mistrust just that I like to be in on all the fun (it was my issue I know that). Those are the only main things I can see that was wrong with our relationship. That and the lack of communication along with her obvious need to talk to other men online and make some kind of connections with them seemed to be the other problems. I would sometimes press her to share things because she never did. If we had a phone conversation I told her it would just be dead air if I didnt try to carry on the conversation which I did by asking her stuff about her day. Just venting because I am finding it really hard to move on. I know I loved her to death and I invested so much into her and us and our future. Yeah there were issues but not enough for her to do what she did not from my point of view anyways. Any comments or insight would be appreciated. I am always trying to learn without trying to overanalyze. Guess I am just trying to make sense of things somehow so I dont go crazy.

[LONESOUL]

Hey Desert~ I have not posted in a few days. I have had a cold...I hope you are better.All I can say is hang in there. I am having it rough right now too. I am going through another angry stage. I hate it that she still can hurt me and we haven't even spoken in over a month. What really makes me mad about that is that it is ME giving her the power to hurt me. I want to stop. She doesn't deserve that power~the way I feel today she doesn't deserve ****. To h*ll with her~she used me for way too long and I am mad about it today. I hope she is having a great life right about now....bitter? who me??

I usually do a better job than this a refocusing my attention away from her,

I guess I need to get pissed, and get over it...and on to the next mood. NC

is helping me allot, and I know it...but it pisses me off that she doesn't even know if I am dead of alive~and she really doesn't give a *hit. It's not like I was bad to her, I was actually very good to her. She is just a user and she

knows she can't get anything else out of me so it is on to the next one!!

That user smashed my heart!! I am reading where a couple of folks have new gf or bf and that is helping them...I have women who have made it clear they would like to date me. I cannot do it and I have told them that. Right now it is just too soon for me to even think about it. That makes me mad too~because itis true. I WISH I could just throw myself into something, with someone. I can't. I honestly loved my ex with all that I was. I had to leave, because our relationship would not have worked out...she never knew what she wanted but after 7 years~ I knew it wasn't me.

Just hang in there...hang on in...it all we can do and it is and will get better.

It is going to take some time, and some effort on our part...but we will get there.

[desertnomad]

Hey LS good to see you back. I have felt the anger to but in my case it usually makes me move forward a little bit. I spend so much time blaming myself that it really gets me down. But when I am angry I get a little more objective and cant believe her actions toward me at the end and all her lying cheating ways. I didnt deserve what she did to me in the least whatever complaints she had about me they werent so horrible to deserve anything close to that. What a psycho. Shes definetly missing some emotion chips. As your ex may be also. A family member of mine told me that I had been used and abused also so I know what you mean by your ex just being a user. On the emotional level they were. I find it difficult to that after 4 years my ex couldnt care less if I was dead or alive. When she left me that day she even took my damn prescription medecine as if I was gonna take the whole bottle. I had never done that or threatened that before. But she still knew how horribly it was gonna affect me and she still left the way she did. But despite that she turned off her cell phone for over a week and never checked the messages. yeah she was really concerned about me huh? Wish I had some opportunities to date because I just dont. But I wouldnt pass those up at all if I had the chance. Take care

[LONESOUL]

It blows my mind I gave so much of myself to someone so heartless.

HEARTLESS, you think that is something you would not miss. Yes, it helps me

too (anger) but first I shove a heaping helping of self pity down my own throat till I want to throw it up all over myself. I don't want to date. In fact

right now I don't even want to think about dating, or being touched. (well

except when I roll over at night, then I want someone there.) I just can't do it. The good thing is my apartment will be ready in one month. I am looking forward to that...think I will drive by there tonight, it sounds silly but it makes me feel better having something, anything, to look forward to.

I blame myself somedays too. But then I realise, like you did that my ex was really a nut. She really is just a freaking nut. What should I expect?

[ScreenagerX]

Just thought I would check in & see how everyone is getting on?

 

Any updates? Good days more frequent than the bad?

[g44]

i really have just tried to find my way thru this...

 

i know what all of u think about me....

 

i wish u could see me crying and u could all laugh

 

i've already had two operations...and i go in aagin to the ottawwa general this thursdauy

 

yahg....this is how i wanted to have my life become...and the lives of others

 

it doesn't seem to matter whatever i do is wrong

 

no guidance or direction just set me up and spit on me

 

and i know saying this will make u laugh even mnore

 

thnaks all

[ThatsBS]

Hey Lonesoul,

 

U might call ur ex a nut, but for me that statement would be underestimating how crazy my ex actually turned out to be. So by calling your ex heartless its kinda goes against calling her nut. Cuz any good psychotherapist will tell a freaking nut has no clue what they are doin and whether it is right or wrong.

 

The only thing i can tell u just as i have realized, is that u met her when she was on her good nut stage, like a chocolate covered pistachiop if u will allow the analogy, by the end of the relationship she turned into a nut that u find in squirrel feces. How do I know, cuz i have been there.

 

Some people are just crazy and not meant for true relationships, just as our exes were. They become serial daters and we are left wondering y can they move on so fast if the loved me? The resaon is simple, realize it was just a fascade to please themselves, and you did absolutely nothin wrong, you just got caught up in a bad choice. But you must realize that everyone makes terrible life choices from time to time. It has no affect on your character, in fact it can only make it stronger by learning from the mistakes.

 

The only thing i can tell is grab some friends, go out, and meet a new chick. It will ease the pain trust me if only temporary.

 

Well i must go and bid u good luck.

[Relax]

Good to hear that, you see this is the time to really get to know yourself, I've come to a point in mylife that whenever I have any problem I ask myself what can I learn from this , how can I use this to make myself stronger.

 

It is good to hear this rare character tobetterdays

[shaweb]

ever try salsa dance?

 

Once you acquire the skill for this social dance, all ladies (who can't dance) would envy you. For all ladies who can dance.... you are in luck. Most female salsa dancers I know are very fine ladies, nice and confident!

 

Salsa dancing involve certain degree of body contact (if you don't mind touching the ladies, or touch by them)