Time to move on..

[desertnomad]

This is a favorite old song of mine

 

in a perfect world it would never end like this

there'd be something we could do

in a perfect world lovers wake up with a kiss

and their wishes all come true

but here we are i thought you belonged to me

it seemed like the perfect arrangement

ain't it funny when you find how wrong you can be

 

oh this ain't no perfect world

i've got my problems

no this ain't no perfect world

you've got your problems too

now what do we do

 

in a perfect world i'd have been the boy you need

i'd have been somebody else

in a perfect world you'd have been the girl for me

you could have been yourself

we're dying for love but we're afraid to drop our guard

we're lost in a world gone crazy

where the men won't grow up and the women get so hard

 

i don't know if we'll wind up friends

i don't know if we'll wind up strangers

cause i've never had to walk away from anybody

i wanted as much as I wanted you

Tonio K Perfect World

[Eric Marshall]

Wife

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

My wife haven't had sex since August 20,2005. I was wondering what was going on. I found out that she was getting phone calls from a man. Hi beautiful this is ... and I just wanted to see if you got home ok. I should have done something then. I found out his phone number and called the punk. He is really not the one that I should have been after,it should have been my cheating wife. He said that he was gay. Now she is saying that he is married. I don't believe anything that she nor he says. She didn't want to divorce because her mother and father have separated since 1979 and she wanted both of us to do the same. She wanted for me to have a girlfriend and for her to have a boyfriend and live happy ever after.The devil is a lie and I wasn't going to go for that. She told me to go out and get a girlfriend and get some p.... I'm a Christian and she is not. That what the big problem is all about. The sad part is that we have two sons together and they are caught in the middle. I will try to be nice to her even though I'm hurt inside. I know what she wants to do is to bring that guy into the house and help her pay the rent. She can do that after we get divorce all she wants if she buys me out of my part of the house. I also lost my job of 11 years last week. Yes,it has been a tough year however by the grace of God I'm still here and haven't done anything crazy ( beat her/him down,get on drugs/alchol and had sex with others to ease my pain. She will see that she made a mistake. I'm a good guy and have been faithfully to her. I pray for her daily and ask God to protect her and keep her from all hurt , harm , and danger.

[tobetterdays]

havent been on in a few days. i cant believe this thread is over 100 posts now.

anyway, welcome to all of the new folks who decided it is not worth wasting precious life by thinking about an ex who left you.

 

yesterday was 2 months officially..she has never tried to contact me since the day she broke up with me after 3.5 years..still hurts..

 

but...i have been living my life to the fullest, and i am actually very interested in a girl i have been seeing...she is beautiful, but i know i am not even close to being ready for a new relationship. i also dont want to lead her on, so i am being honest with her... i really enjoy her company, and it just proves to me that i am capable of caring for a girl, and girls are capable for caring for me.. i think about my ex less and less with each passing day.. i force myself to do this. when i start thinking about her, i get up and do something. even if it is 20 pushups at 4am.. its all in the mind..

you mind is a powerful tool, use it to help yourself, not hurt yourself.

 

tbd

[desertnomad]

Hi TBD Glad to hear your doing good. Thats cool you have someone to at least hang out with. I have my moments still but keep busy with my photography some, even though there are still a few tears now and then. Hopefully I can turn things around here completely. It does hurt that someone can turn you off so completely after 3.5 years but they still have to deal with the loss themselves theres no escaping that. Your right all those memories of the ex real or imagined positive or negative have to be turned off or tuned out. Take Care

[desertnomad]

Hi Eric, Welcome to ENA. Wow your going through a really difficult time right now. Hang in there. There are alot of people on here who can relate. (me included). There are people on here that can support you alot and it has helped me out quite a bit. Going to support groups at church can also help out and keep you connected. Dont blame yourself she is the one making the wrong choices. Sounds like you are doing the right things by keeping yourself under control and keeping your dignity. Keep posting here there are very knowledgeable people who can give you alot of good advice for your situation. Hang in there.

[ScreenagerX]

It was Fathers Day yesterday. I went to my ex-wifes place to pick up my daughter for the day. My ex did not even have the decency to wish me a "Happy Fathers Day" then or when I dropped my little girl back in the afternoon. We were best friends for so long. Don't friends even do stuff like that. I would have if it were reversed & it was Mothers Day. Yesterday was not a good day, probably my lowest for a while.

[lonelyangel]

yep focus on urself... it always hurts wen somebody doesn't need u or appreciate u.. i know wat ur feeling but don't worry time heals all wounds and life will smile upon u eventually

[Silentlyfor]

I'm having a * * * *ty day as well. All I want to do is know what she's doing or know how much fun she's having without me. I feel so pathetic. I feel everyone that I ever loved in my life has been 10x better without me. Everything seems flavorless.... I don't see the point anymore. And now I've concluded that I will be alone for the rest of my life.

[ScreenagerX]

I'm having a * * * *ty day as well. All I want to do is know what she's doing or know how much fun she's having without me. I feel so pathetic. I feel everyone that I ever loved in my life has been 10x better without me. Everything seems flavorless.... I don't see the point anymore. And now I've concluded that I will be alone for the rest of my life.

 

I been there!!! How long has it been Red?

[Silentlyfor]

52 days. 52 days... of knowing that she's with somebody else that she's happier with. 52 days... of realizing that I failed again. 52 days of thinking that I lost my only chance at real love. I don't know if I'll ever get over that * * * * *. Why do I miss her so much?

[desertnomad]

Somedays I just question whether I am even lovable. I mean I was with the ex for 4 years and we did have some rough times the first few years but great times also. But then we moved accross country and things did improve though not perfect. I mean am I so bad that she just had to leave like she did? Are my shortcomings so severe that she or anyone else for that matter just couldnt live with me . I guess I am really questioning myself because I thought we had something special.

[Silentlyfor]

I still struggling. I wish I didn't read her blog the other day. It made me cry for an hour and a half. I feel like... crap. I hate myself for doing this. Now I made myself miserable for no reason. I want this yearning and pain to stop. I want my depression to end. I want my old mind, life and confidence back.

 

I DON'T NEED HER!! !

[desertnomad]

I know how your feeling RM. Its hard when you cant have back what you miss so much. Sometimes I try to remember what was reality and what wasnt. My mind wants to remember all the good times we had and when negatives come up I want to blame myself for those instead of realizing she did some horrible things. Like the way she treated me at the end and when she broke up with me. Posting mostly naked pics of the guy she left me for on the internet etc..where she knew I would see them seemingly unfeeling about any of my feelings. For me after I went through a divorce the struggle did not end until I had met my ex. So maybe for some that is whats it takes to completely heal. But I know you cant start any relationship completely depressed and hurting. Theres a great post by rankandfile that i read often that was posted on 9-01 it has helped me alot just by reading it. might want to check it out just search for the name.

[Silentlyfor]

I'm losing it a little. I thought I would be over her by now. How long can it take? How can I yearn for her after 2 months of NC? What's going on? Why isn't she out of my head. I can't take this anymore. I have a headache and it hurts to breath. Why isn't this over?

[ScreenagerX]

My wife & I have been apart 'officially' for 66 days now. That part I think I have pretty much dealt with now. I know its over, we made the decision together after trying to work it out for 6 months. The part I am still having issues with is the fact that she is already with someone else and has been for around 40 of those days. We were together for 11 years. I keep picturing them together & it makes me so angry & then I get so down. I have found that switching my mind to another subject helps so that I can actually sleep at night. I know I don't need her now so why does it affect me so much?

[stevo0611]

Me too guys! lol Life's too short sometimes and we place our happiness in other people's hands far too often, not always ex's but with some mates that turn out to be not as good mates as you thought. Life is there for our taking, do whatever makes you smile and feel good for it.

 

Have fun guys

[Silentlyfor]

It's gotten really bad now. I feel so depressed.... I can barely move around. This is so painful.

[LONESOUL]

This weekend was klinda rough on me...but I am hanging in there. I found myself thinking about her allot over Sunday, I actually got about as low as I have been in about a month...(well one other time) so much so I just cried my eyes out, and went to sleep. I really seemsed to concintrate on the "why doesn't she miss me like this" I could seem to get it out. I was better when I woke up. Yesterday was a little strange too, huing with some old friends of ours who just bought a house, had some dinner, it was okay, she olny came up once or twice and nothing "new" about her was said...still the whole weekend was done is somewhat of a daze...I just need to gett through this.

[Silentlyfor]

This is the worst I've felt. I know she's not coming back.... I'm in so much pain right now... I'm so depressed... Why didn't she want me? Why do I feel this way about only one person? I'm in so much pain right now... I don't know if life is even worth living right now.

[LONESOUL]

Redmage22, I'm sorry to hear you are still having a hard time. Have you been to the doctor yet? The reason I am asking is I felt like that earlier on,

like all of the emotion just drained me physically. The thing is, it did, so I

finally just went to the family doctor, who basically said I had situational

depression and gave me anti depressant to take for a while. She also recomended some vitimins and explained to me how despression works, and how our body can and will do things on it's own (with a little help from us)

to matually combat it. Excercise is the bodies natural way of releasing the

same chemicals that are sometimes increased with synthetic anti depressants.

Anyway, all of it seemed to help me. The thing for me was, the more I felt that way (depressed, sadness, deep loos, regret) the worst I got. I did have to face the fact that it was over, and that love does not conquer all. I HAD

to get up and start taking care of me. I still cry sometimes, and I think about her still way too much, but I push those thoughts out and I have begun to realize I really can control my thinking. So when I find myself thinking about her, I force myself to think about the negitive stuff (she wasn't trust worthy, she was selfish, she was loud etc.) It's helping me some, I can tell.

You have to FORCE yourself to do things at first, what other choices do we have? Life goes on without our ex's, and we will miss it while they will LIVE it~if we don't forge forward. I deserve to see what else life has to offer me and learn some about myself along the way, so do you.

[desertnomad]

I understand what your going through. Going through the same thing myself this week. Feeling lonely, depressed, etc. Been so tempted to email my ex just to 'connect'. but what would that do? Would she all of the sudden realize how much she misses me? Would she come running back? Would this email be magic compared to all the other emails before NC? I have to remember all her s**t that she did to me by leaving. I sound like a victim but in this case at the end I was and was totally betrayed by someone who I thought was the one person in life I could count on. the trick is to not act like a victim I guess and thats the hard part. All my one year memories of her and us in our 'new' place are coming up and its very difficult. The fog is thick and the future that once seemed bright still seems so very dark. Just hang in there. One day at a time. There are alot people going through even worse then us though I know it doesnt lessen the pain. I loved my ex very much and I knew that every day and didnt take it for granted although there was times I could have done better but but then so could she have. I wish she would come back but she never will and thats the reality thats hard to accept.

[LONESOUL]

Sometimes when I get really down, or frustrated (I get frustrated allot...

I think it is a mild mix of anger, and of unanswered questions that I know will never be answered) I just read, and read here. I go back and I find posts form

some of the folks who have been through this and I read about where they

were and what they felt when they started here...it helps me a great deal.

I do the same thing about wanting to call my ex, and then I think the same

stuff you do and I don't make the call, and I am ALWAYS glad I didn't. I really

have nothing to say to someone I mean so little to, but, thats me now. Thats

the new and imporoved me, I still love her but I don't need her, or her approval~and slowly I am learning I never did.

[desertnomad]

Your right when I am feeling 'better' (though not like I did when she was here and we were happy) I am glad I didnt contact her. I mean she hasnt contacted me. Why is it all up to me? But then those were the dynamics of our relationship. It was up to me to communicate everything and she never did express herself. It hurts though that she wont ever call. It takes so long to build a life and we worked so hard. Now its all back at square one. all that for wasted love and wasted time. I would have rather met someone else or noone at all considering how she left.

[LONESOUL]

it's strikes me as strange how this whole thing works..(the process of letting go and of no longer having any contact with the very person we were closest to. (get in wreck, thats who you call, forgot to feed the cat, thats who you call, crawl in to bed, that is who is there...) You seem to be doing the same thing I do. "WHY is she not calling?" And...doesn't she miss me? But then there is the other side, I will not call her and I am using NC for my time to heal so, I don't want her to call etc. Back and fourth, back and fourth...

My ex was very posessive so she called to check up on me all the time. She would call me 20 times a day, no kidding.

She would call during my lunch and ask who was with me (I have worked at the same place for 10 years, the SAME people were pretty much always with me!) Right at 5 pm my phone would ring, every single day to make sure I was on my way home...(no I never cheated, never wanted to...she had no reason to act this way and yet she did from day one~for 7 years, it got very old) So, her no calling me really blows my mind. She was (and I am sure still is) a control freak, it really pissed her off when I finally had enough of everything (there is lots and lots more) and finally left. I don't think she ever thought I would do it, EVER. But I did and my very best guess would be that right now she is living it up (she always wanted a party~me ~I like to have fun, but in moderation) Anyway, back to the point, I think I am at the point where I miss her, and I love her very much. I cannot imagine myself with anyone else, and I don't want to be with anyone else, but...I don't want to be back with her the way things were either. I want to be with her the way I imagines it could be, the way I used to always hope for would happen someday...I still have not completely let that go, but I will, just as soon as I figure out exactly how..I know I am on the right road with NC so I have begun to just think about her not calling as divine intervention so I can heal.

[pacopaco]

I'm realizing it now. My ex-woman was not good to me. I think that we, the dumpees, because we were not the ones to break it off, we're left with these feelings that these people are the best, and that we are losing something so good. that "our women" will be snatched up quick by a better man. I'm finding out for myself, in my case, that my ex is the same messed up girl she was when she was with me, and that I loved her even with her flaws. that's unconditional love.

now i think, who cares what man she's with. she showed herself what she is attracted to, and what she attracts. A mind playing, manipulating SOB. She won't do better,that's what she wanted, it's what she got, it's what she's dealing with now. do i want this? no way! I don't want that for myself, and i deserve a better woman.