I feel like the most horrible person in the world

[annie23]

I feel like the most horrible person walking the face of the earth. Here goes my story. About 8 years ago I met a guy online (we have never met in person) and I consider him to be one of my best friend's. He has always been there for me, has gone out of his way to call me (7 hour time difference) and puts me as one of the most important people in his life. The reason I know that is because about six or seven years into the friendship he told me that he loves me, and at that point I thought I loved him too. I met someone, well it didn't work out… and then I had 2 more relationships after that. After my last failed relationship I told him that I was in a relationship.. he was heart broken, but told me that he will wait for me for the rest of his life because he loves me. I told him that I don't deserve his love, I really feel I don't, and I know that I don't love him. Since then I have not given him any hope that we'll be together, we still IM each other but it's not as often. He still has hopes that one day we'll be together, and I tried giving him hints that I don't love him. He is a perfect guy and I just can't fall in love with him. I asked him to go on with his life, but he chooses not to hear me, and I really care about him, but as my best friend. I feel selfish because I will probably wake up one morning and realize that I love him and it'll be too late. Sorry for making this story so long. I feel horrible. I'm afraid that all of his relationships, he will judge based upon what I treat him like, because I realized that's what I do with my relationships.

[itsallgrand]

Ok. Here's my honest reaction:

 

Stop contacting him, talking to him, all of it.

 

He loves you?! No. This is plain scary and weird. You've never even met! Does he live inside his head or in the real world?!

 

I know you care for this person, and I believe you are genuine in what you say.

However, you have absolutely nothing to feel badly about if what you write is true and you have been straight-up about your feelings for him.

 

I do question why you have not become alarmed at a man who tells you he is not getting on and living his life bc of a woman (you) he has an internet and phone friendship with. Him saying that does not equal in my mind "he loves you sooo much". No. It signals "this guy has some serious issues and/or does not want to face reality.".

Top that off with him being vocal to you about it, possibly wanting to pressure you/induce guilt in you for feelings you do not have (and even if this is not his intention, you are feeling guilty for not having certain feelings for him).

 

He may genuinely care for you, as he says/you claim. However, I urge you to consider why he is investing so much into something which you have repeatedly said/shown will never be?

 

What's the deal - are you using this guy for emotional support and feelings of being appreciated?

I hope you do not find that offensive. I just think it's a little odd that you would even feel guilty about this and continue on with this 'friendship' under these circumstances.

 

best wishes. let me know what you think.

[princess81]

I totally agree with itsallgrand this guy has a fixation on you he sounds like he is not all together up there I would make it clear with him that I dont want no contact with him at all and if tries get a restraining order against him make a copy of it when you let him know that you no longer want to have any contact.