Big time dillema (older/younger)..date or not to date

[YoungandConfused123]

Ok, let me run a little personal history on myself so i can be a little more well known before I go into my dillema.

I am an 18 yr old male. I graduated from HS this yr at an all boy catholic school ranking 10th in my class. I am going to college this fall and am going to major in bioengineering. I come from a great and supportive family where my dad is a cop and my mom is a payroll administrator. I work out all the time and play the piano.

 

Enough about me personally though, let's get to my dillema. Well, this summer i started a job lifeguarding. It is a great job and it's so easy. All the lifeguards are cool and so are the kids and i just love the job. well, over the course of the season there has been this 12 yr old girl who had a crush on me from the beginning of the season. Anyways, she would always talk to me every day (well, 6 days a week we were open) and i would talk back and she is a really cool kid. Anyways, i had just thought it was a crush and liked her as a friend really, but nothing more. Over the last 2 weeks though, I have been talking to her on the phone every night for hours. She had given me her AIM name at the pool and i talkedt o her online then started on the phone. Anyways, the other night we talked for 5 hrs (from 11 PM till 4 AM!). I never thought i would have so much to talk about with a 12 yr old (although she is very mature for her age). Anyways, since talking to her outside the pool I have really grown to like her. I look forward to talking to her on the phone and seeing her almost every day at teh pool. Anyways, my dillema is, should I date her? I know we are in 2 totally different spots in life but it also feels like we're in the same place in life when we talk on the phone. we just relate so well. I would really like to have some relationship with her because I know she really likes me and i also like her a lot back. It's just confusing stuff for me. Society tells me that such things are wrong, but my feelings tell me it's right...even if it's not approved.

Now, i know this sort of thing arouses suspicion in people. Let me just say though, I have NEVER had a gf in my life. I have never kissed a girl or done anything. Im not a bad looking dude, i just sort of didnt bother trying to get a girl throughout HS. I knew girls I worked with and stuff but school was more important than a girl at the time. Anyways, I know that if i did date her i would never ever do anything illegal. The only place i could take anything with someone her age is to kissing and that's it......and i am totally cool with that. I am not a perverted dude who wants to be the next R. Kelly. I just really like her and if i dont at least try this thing out i know i will regret it.

 

Can someone please help me make a decision though. I know that my parents would be really weirded out by this....but over time they would understand and they trust me totally cuz i am really a good kid who has no history of doing anything really bad.

[segagirl]

I can see that you understand society is not really keen on things like this. I have to tell you, that sometimes the greater good is more important then your feelings. Meaning? The psychological development and physical development of a girl of 12, regardless of her personal insight and book smarts (sometimes mistaken as maturity) does not make her ready to make safe, solid decisions about relationships with older men.

Now if you want support to do this, I have to be honest and say I don't know quite how to do that. I realize you FEEL its right, and that you like her...that I believe. But at really think that you owe to yourself to try to attract women your own age, to be sure its not you that is lacking in social skills and ability. I don't think its odd, or that you are a sicko.... what I do think is you have not yet learned how to date, attract and challenge a women your own age.... this is a common thread to men in their early twenties who date young girls.

If this young girl is really special to you, then keep her as a friend. Wait until she is at the very least 16...and if you can hold your interest that long, then it's worth the risk. Right now you doing this would just be you acting in a way to suit your own desires.

[za3raa69]

well, i have always been a mature young girl (not showing off) and most of my bfs were older than me, i mean with the way i think i never could find a guy for me whos my age.

 

you must make sure first that she likes u for u and not for ur looks or for u being older than her. age doesnt matter to me, specially if it comes to feelings. give it some more time, get to know her better and get to know why she likes you. Goodluck see ya

[bettiepagerules]

You being 18, you could never have a sexual relationship with her, I'm not sure where you live so check out link removed trust me I understand the frustration, since I'm 16 and want to be with ppl older than myself, but it just happens ppl my age don't usually like me too much, unknown to me, but anyways back to your problem....

 

I think that if both of you are really interested in each other, hang out together but it'd be a lot to ask for you both to stay away form each other in a touchy way, even if you guys kiss it's molestation, I didn't write the laws, but if the parents were mad they could press charges of molestation

 

keep talking and go that website I recommended, it'll tell you what age of consent is in your state, hopefully it's 16, I'm in Cali and not so lucky!

[envy_selene]

I'm really struck by a similarity with something that happened to one of my friend's, so I'll post, and you can make your own judgements. But still, I'd urge you to please do nothing!

One of my best-friends was incredibly smart, and at thirteen was skipped ahead three years in school and was a Junior in Highschool. She was young, very pretty, very mature, and like I said, very smart.

She developed a huge crush on a senior, and hung out with him constantly, sitting at his lunch table, ect. She was incredibly eager to please him and totally threw herself into it, since she viewed herself as very lucky to have this incredible guy into her.

Finally, he had a lot of dillemmas, and during dances owuld take her as a mock date, but at the Valentine's dance when they were alone in the hall she kissed him. He was apparently pretty wowwed and asked her to go out with him, and they did for weeks.

Still, she could never tell her parents, and they had to sneak around. Also, he didn't tell his friends fearing they would think he was a pedophile (pretty understandable).

Anyway, she became kind of obsessed with it, since with the age difference it inadvertantly caused this massive power shift, even though the guy was really ncie and respectful. She would get really worked up over it and kept telling me she felt like she wasn't doing well enough, and she was scared because he was so much older and she didn't know how to act.

I started noticing her getting thin and weak, and about three weeks later found out she had become anorexic to try and "make herself prettier for him." It ripped everyone up, the secret was out and the guy was heralded as a child molester.

Both me and her knew it wasn't true, and argued, but it didn't matter, he got pegged as a pedophile even though he was never charged with anything, and he was expelled form the school and his family sent him to a reform school and therapist.

He was a good guy, never intended anything, but as mature as she may be there's still innocence and a little bit of girlishness that can go easily corrupt if you interfere with it.

[lokagirla]

look, im a 15 year old female, and recently ive been talkin a lot over the phone with a 21 year old male and i think he likes me.

 

i have been in serious relationships before and my parents have got to known most of the boys i've gone out with, but for the first time i feel like not daring to tell them that i am dating someone 6 years older than me.

 

my last boyfriend was 4 years older than me and that sounded like a lot.

 

dear, it is the stage of our lives that makes the difference. when everyone steps on those 18 years they can go out with who knows how old of a person! but adolescence is a period of not only physical, but most of all emotional development. boy 15 is the age to me.. this has been the year when ive actually dated like a lot! i cant imagine myself with all the matureness in the world going out with someone seriously at all. no matter how smart a person is, how mature, and clever, that person has a chronological timing which damn 12.. it's prette child ... her age doesnt even end with the word teen.

 

i think age in relationships depends on the stage of life a person is in.

 

i mean, it's hard for me to imagine myself dating that 21 year old boy. i invited him to a party, but it's not easy... not because of society, because of the effect it has on the experiences of the youngest in the couple *especially* she will be approaching another level of a relationship, and start thinking of that oh so often confused word: love.

 

she can talk a lot... for cryin out loud, once i was 13 and i got on a plane and sat alone by a window and i spoke with a 26 yr old male throughout the whole trip. some girls just know how to communicate better with adults. their intellectual may be leveled but that doesnt have to do with experiences she has to live up to that will determine her emotional maturity.

 

when i compare myself to my friends i see a marked different in my life and i feel sometimes like i had a drastic acceleration this year of my life. i had experiences that made me grow emotionally and made me clever for relationships. and i got through my problems... but it was really hard... to think someone disappointed you sometimes.

 

romance makes you look at your virtues, but most of all, it makes you concentrate in those aspects in which you need to begin drastic changes. you face your internal problems... and ive always been an honor student and to be having mood swings made work even harder.

 

dont be selfish and dont think of you. your happiness does not depend on another person.. get that on your mind. think only of that girl, that if you really like her hey maybe you can date her when shes 15 or reachin 16... you have to know all that she has been through to be able to determine if their is a lack of balance between emotional maturities. maybe it looks very pretty from afar, but once you make somethin formal out of it, stuff will start coming out. discussions wont be like you expected; maybe she wont be able to cope with some situations that at your age you already know how to cope with. your friends! dont u have any? i mean, it's gonna be hard for her to fit into your atmosphere or you to fit in to hers.

 

you have to think about all that stuff.

 

as for me, well, i invited that boy to that party. and you know what? because i grew up so fast emotionally, it has become harder to want a formal relationship. sometimes it seems as if party days just go away so quickly. at times i just know that i have turned into a perfectionist.

 

and i have to seek those dreadful books and do their exercises so i can confirm to myself i have turned into a perfectionist in every aspect of life. i work on it, but try to think of me and see the possibilities and the millions of roads life has.

 

sometimes it's better to think positive than to think negative, but daaamn, when you only think positive you lose views of realism.

 

so i wish you luck,.. and hey,,, it's never a lot to think everyday for a few hours and think... only think........

 

lokagirla.