Death seems like a 'relief' to me...

[stuck in a rut]

To actually think about this would have to be determind by how you see death - about what each individual believes what happens after life.

 

I tend to think of things from a logical point of view. People have there faith and believe if they lead a good life then they go to a better place, but I see it as why should that be the case when there's no proof. Maybe we go no where, we aren't anywhere - like as we were before we were born. This holds as much weight as going to a 'better place'.

 

If my view were true (which I really do hope it's not) then we wouldn't get any suffering from relationships, or the pain from lost loved ones, or stresses from work, etc, and we wouldn't feel lonely because we wouldn't know - (we never felt lonely before we were born)

 

Only being 24, I have a life that I suppose people in some areas of the world would envy, I have a good (but very stressful) job, money in the bank, a reletively good education, my girlfriend, plus my little girl who seems to be the main thing I live for, but 90% of the time i'am not happy, the other 10% is when I get in from work and spend time with my daughter - but even then she seems to be close to everyone else but me.

 

The more and more I run my life through my head, looking forward and looking at the present, the thought of ending it seems to be so much more appealing then plodding on in a loveless relationship with my girlfriend and a job I hate but have to stay at as the pay is good for what I do. Even my parents are getting older now and the thought of loosing them drives me insane, the only way I can see a way out is to put a stop to it all for me. My daughter is young enough so that she wouldn't remember - not 1 year old yet.

 

I know its the selfish way out and i would hurt people - but the amount of people I would hurt i could count on 1 hand. At 24 I should be full of enthusiasm but I am not, I have no 'energy' and no 'get up and go' anymore, I feel Iam here for everyone else.

 

I know I have rambled on but I have no one to talk to and it's so much easier to hide behind a username on a website - if anyone in my family knew how I felt half of them would be angry at me, and the other half would tread on eggshells around me. I am just unsure how my life will pan out. I know I have to try change things but for me to do that will effect lots of other people. it's so hard to know what to do and everytime I think about death it makes me feel free, like a release of pressure which seems to release a little bit more with every thought.

[rose2summer]

The no energy you are discussing and thoughts of leaving this world clearly show signs of depression.

 

Have you received any therapy for depression?

 

Depression can be due to chemical imbalances in the brain, and some of the newer medicines on the market can alleviate the symptoms, aka serotonin reuptake inhibitors.

 

I like to call serotonin the "happy hormone"

 

Maybe see a therapist to see if some counseling and medicines can be of assistance to you.

 

Hugs to you and good luck,

You are not alone,

Rose

[stuck in a rut]

Thanks for your response but I don't think I could sit in front of my Doctor and empty my head on to them without feeling so emabarrased and stupid. I know if I booked an appointment I would be lucky to make it to the waiting room without changing my mind.

[lilac_indi]

isnt there anyone you trust who can go along with you?

[stuck in a rut]

I don't think there is. My dad and my sister are probably my best friends but there is no way I could comfortably open up to them.

[Bethany]

if you really do feel 'stuck in a rut' then climb out and change something. Do something for you for a change. It is not selfish to want happiness. It's a necessity in life when we feel as low and stuck as you do. It's either that or continue as you are.

 

Think about what WOULD make you happy rather than dwellng on what does not, think about what you can really achieveable rather than a dream that cannot be fulfilled, then get up off your butt and DO IT.

 

Life really is what YOU make it.

[stuck in a rut]

The tricky part to that is that a big part of how Iam feeling is to do with my homelife with my partner. For me to change would mean for me to leave, which means for me to leave my daughter. I always said to myself that Iam not gonna be part of a broken family, and when I look at my daughter I couldn't do that to her, i know it could be worse i the long run but I will cross that bridge when it comes to it. I dont want to have 'access' every weekend becasue thats not the way I want to do it.

 

My girlfriend and I don't row or anything, but we just seem to go throught the motions. i know every relationship is like that at some point and its not rosie all the time, but I know that when I finish work I go home to see my daughter, not my girlfriend.

[Terry Andrew]

To actually think about this would have to be determind by how you see death - about what each individual believes what happens after life.

 

I tend to think of things from a logical point of view. People have there faith and believe if they lead a good life then they go to a better place, but I see it as why should that be the case when there's no proof. Maybe we go no where, we aren't anywhere - like as we were before we were born. This holds as much weight as going to a 'better place'.

 

If my view were true (which I really do hope it's not) then we wouldn't get any suffering from relationships, or the pain from lost loved ones, or stresses from work, etc, and we wouldn't feel lonely because we wouldn't know - (we never felt lonely before we were born)

 

 

Well, the old question "What's after death?" Frankly, everyone would say I really don't know or the statement he gives you has no physical proof. Its a dilemma but, yet a great virtue.

 

Firstly before we go to death we need to make sense what it means to live. You are human being with a specific biological identity. Biology would give a simple reason for our existence: to continue the human race but, this statement doesn't hold because, it doesn't account we are self-conscious. What is self-consciousness? It means you are aware of whom you are and you are prepared to lead a life you think is best. This doesn't come easy, one must explore, learn and make decisions on the little knowledge he has, even if he doesn't have sound foundations to build on. Let's face it logic is flawed, what's the end of infinity, whats the answer of 1 dived by 0, what is tan 90*?, any maths professor would say take the largest value possible. This reflects our desicions, we will never grasp the full concept of what is life or death or of our own self-conscience, the more we learn the more we get closer with an ever asyptotic margin of intersection. thereforeeee we make decisions conscioussly and un-consciouslly based on our limited view. Living thereforeeee is a process of un-ending learning and growth even if not physical.

thereforeeee what is death. Death logically may seem the end of this process but, it may not be so. Its up to you to make sense of it with your limited frame of reference, and this brings about the danger of being dragged into a negative frame of reference since, it is limited.

 

The best outlook to this dilemma of knowledge about death, is to look at it with a wide perspective as possible.

 

Ppl believe of a better life after death. The reason why may be complicated but, I can only mention my belief. All creation had to start from somewhere, logic even in its limited sense tells us you cannot go back and back to the orgins infintely. Something "unlimted" had to start it all. We thereforeeee derive from this "unlimited" thing, and we hope we would return to it. This is abstract philosophy but, in the end you must decide were you would cut the line. In the end you must place the decision, even on unsound ground. The only thing you can do is to change your frame of reference and enlarge it so you would get as a better picture possibile. In the end what happens, your frame of reference stops enlarging because, of our own limited brain.

It is up to you to build the frame of reference in the best way you can.

 

Firstly, let me explain what i'm referrenig to when i say your frame of reference: it means your experiences, your emotions, your thoughts, your beliefs in short your conscioussness and your sub-conscioussness.

 

Now, enough theory and explanation.

 

What you are supposed to do right now: You need to look outwards and not focus a lot on your life only. you need to change your attitude towards things, you need to clear your mind of expectations and ideas that are poisoning you. You are in the end responsible of your own life, for your own happiness.

 

The life of a poor chinese or taiwanese farmer may not look like a happy life but, what makes him happy, it is his frame of reference. He has learned about life, and in his limited view sees it positively.

 

Negative thoughts are there to instill corrective action, sometimes this correcting mechanisim backfires because, the corrective action we seek on brings about more negative thoughts. What I am saying is simply you must look deep into who you are, you must look deep without any interruptions.

 

I simply suggest to you is to go some place alone, think about your life, find some ppl approaching the end of theirs and ask them what was the most significant thing they hold about life and death.

 

Negative experiences only bring about a negative frame of reference, it is your responsibility to live life without them. Sometimes a simpler life, is a better solution then just jumping into more complicated mind traps.

 

If you feel your life is unmendable, i suggest you seek a phsychologist, he/she will find ways of bringing more sense to your life.

[Terry Andrew]

When you begin to really appreciate your life and understand it. Then you would be ready to change it, then you would have energy, enthusiasim and the life.

[Daddy Bear]

what do you do for fun?

 

when was your last real vacation where you dropped all of your obligations and just relaxed?

 

what is the most awesome place you've ever been?

 

these are not random questions but a necessary precursor to my next post in this thread.

[stuck in a rut]

there doesn't seem that much time for fun, working reletivley late nights and a lot of weekends, but playing with my daughter after work. On occasion i go for a pint down the local with a close mate.

 

I went down the south coast (UK) for my daughters first family holiday.

 

Most awesome place has to be Cairo with my dad. Seeing the Pyramids, etc.

[Bethany]

there doesn't seem that much time for fun, working reletivley late nights and a lot of weekends, but playing with my daughter after work. On occasion i go for a pint down the local with a close mate.

 

I went down the south coast (UK) for my daughters first family holiday.

 

Most awesome place has to be Cairo with my dad. Seeing the Pyramids, etc.

 

 

Make time. No excuses. Excuses are for people who can't be bothered. Drop some weekends, I know I'd rather be skint and happy than working all the hours God sends and for what? Misery? Stuff that.

 

And from your other post, it's very likely that your girlfriend is as miserable as you.

 

'Marriage' is about communication, have you even told her ho unhappy you are? Asked her how SHE feels about your relationship and future? Seems logical to me that when one partner is out of sync, the other feels the same or at very least the knock on effect.Talk to her, don't keep things bottled up, share your concerns and you might feel you have a brighter future and find someone who understands and wants change as much as you do.

[stuck in a rut]

ok, I would rather be skint than not working - trust me! but doing that doesnt tend to help with the mortgage payments! The weekends are a bit much but the company I work for is quite small and I am the only person in the Finance Dept. so its my responsibility to make sure everything is in the books for month end.

 

I have tried talking to her and it turns into a row, which is normally something I try to keep away from. I haved tried suggesting changes, asked her where she wants to be in the future, but she seems happy to plod along as it is - which is fine because just because I would like change doesn't mean she has to. I have tried talking to her about how I feel about things but she takes it personaly and gets angry with me about it - even when I re-assure her, and i end up being the one who appologises

[Daddy Bear]

interesting paradox: you feel obligated to slave away at a job that threatens to grind you to dust, yet you are apparently contemplating the relative peace of eternal nothingness. (none of that for me, thanks. i'll take my chances here on terra firma. the end will come soon enough as it is.)

 

may i suggest some middle ground? vacations are a necessity, you know. they recharge our batteries and bring us something beyond the workaday world.

 

my dream place is the island of Maui. where do you folks over there go to get away from it all?

[stuck in a rut]

You are right there mate, they do make it better for a while, but it don't take long to get back to the old routine!!

 

We seem to go anywhere were the the weathers good!! Can't seem to rely much on the 'good old British weather' !

[Daddy Bear]

i know what you mean, a lot of the effect fades pretty quickly when we get back to the grindstone. that's when i start plotting my next temporary escape. eh, it helps keep me sane.

 

my 18-year-old son is currently living near Venice. he says the Italian weather is great and the sights are one-of-a-kind. ever been?

[stuck in a rut]

No, i haven't been there, my sister has and she loved it - theres a lot to see there!!

[Daddy Bear]

i've always wanted to see the Tivoli Fountain. i just learned the other day that it's still fed by the original aqueducts built by the ancient Romans. how cool is that?

 

those aqueducts are amazing achievements, by the way. one span is something like 1700' long and yet it only drops half an inch from one end to the other. unbelievable!

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

There is no relief in death. In death, you feel nothing, including relief.