Fight/Insecurity/Stereotyping/Doubts

[Hemorrhage]

I just had an enormous fight with my new girlfriend over gender stereotyping.

She is apparently mad, because I never call her, and I told her that it was because she never called me, and that I won't be doing all the calling.

Well then, she became livid, and began yelling/explaining to me about how the guy was always supposed to be the one to call.

If there is one thing in this world that I cannot stand, it is stereotyping, so, my replies were backed by a voice that indicated infuriation.

After that she threatened to hang up multiple times, and I told her multiple times to do it. She started crying all of a sudden, which freaked me out, and then hung up.

I'm seriously doubting that my new relationship will work. I am very new fashioned, independent person. My girlfriend is old fashioned and VERY dependent.

Do you think we are too different to continue corresponding?

[LostInMyThoughts]

No, you're not that different. However, I think you both need to work on conflict resolution.

 

Conflict: She's angry that you're not calling her more often.

 

Your Solution: Try to convince her she's wrong. She gets defensive. You get Defensive. She cries. You both feel worse, and you are thinking of ending it.

 

A different solution: You say "I'll try to call you more often. But it would also be nice if you called me a little more too." She might try to tell you that it's "the guys job to call" or she might not. But what you've done here is essentially said "I hear what you're saying, and I understand, and I'll try to work on it." You're not admiting you're wrong, but your not making her feel wrong either.

 

I like to think of relationship as a game.

 

Right now you two are playing a game of 1 on 1. If you win, she loses, and vice versa.

 

A healthier game is a game of doubles. You two are on the same side playing for the same thing. If she wins, you win, so you play to help her win.

 

I'm not saying give up your beliefs or let your gf walk all over you. Just that validating your gf feelings, and working with her to deal with problems is more constructive than trying to convince her why you're right and she's wrong.

[friscodj]

Hemorrhage-

 

Man, I am so impressed with your insight at 15 years old. You seem to have things more figured out than people I know twice your age...and your eloquence is equally impressive...trust your intuition man...you're blessed with a good one...

 

You answered your own question here in that you guys are different, have different views on relationships, and are probably not compatible. Look at what you wrote again...she expects you to always call her...she's threatening you with hanging up on you...you're threatening her back...and this is happening when she is what you describe her as your "new" girlfriend when things ought to be rosey between you two...

 

This sounds bad to me...and I'm sure there are women out there who will fit with your personality and your beliefs better than this woman...

[candy604]

tell her you both should call each other and make an effort to check up on one another. It just shows you care or she cares. does she never call you though? i learned, NEVER to use the word " never" b/c there are always one or two situations that she could say " yes i did." or threatening is not a way to solve problems. if she threatens, don't play up on it, it doesn't make matters anymore better.

 

anyway sit her down and tell her you'll call her etc..and that you like her to call you to, so it goes both ways and that it shows she cares for you too. or tell her you like to hear her voice and it makes you feel cared for when she calls! i'm sure she'll want to call you then.

[Hemorrhage]

Well, I talked to her about it at school today, and she said that if she called me, it would make her look like a * * * * *

I really don't see how being a " * * * * *," conflicts with calling someone.

I'll be seeing her soon, and I plan to elaborate more on our problem.

[Aurian]

Ugh... I don't like her attitude much.

 

It does not make a girl weak to call a guy. It just shows she is interested in the guy. The fact that she does not call shows that she is more interested in games and appearances than having an actual relationship. Men and woman are supposed to be equals. Men should not have to chase women all the time. I suppose she would like it if you bonked her on the head and dragged her away by the hair?

 

Anyways, I would try say to her that the fact that she does not call you make you feel like she isn't into you. That its not right that you have to do the "work" because a relationship should have both people working on it.

[Salty]

shes being ridiculous just go with the flow do what she says rememeber "the girl is always right" quicker you learn that the quicker you're free.

[xprincessbugx]

shes being ridiculous just go with the flow do what she says rememeber "the girl is always right" quicker you learn that the quicker you're free.

 

I don't agree with that at all. You have to stand up for yourself when you don't agree with someone they just need to learn how to handle it better.

[Salty]

shes being ridiculous just go with the flow do what she says rememeber "the girl is always right" quicker you learn that the quicker you're free.

 

I don't agree with that at all. You have to stand up for yourself when you don't agree with someone they just need to learn how to handle it better.

 

Look what the girl did started crying all of a sudden shes an obvious attention seeker theres nothing really u can do about a girl like that!