AwdreeHpburn Posted August 21, 2006 Share Posted August 21, 2006 Whilst in NY a week ago, we left our kids with my mother-in-law. She is a wonderful grandmother and a decent person. Let me start there. BUT....( She's crazy! Just tell me if you think this is odd behaviour or how you think you would handle this. As soon as we get back, she starts on and on about how she bought the kids new shoes because, "argh" she was soooo mad that my son's shoe's were WAY too small for him and he was crying every time she tried to put them on. He's 2. She took him immediately to get measured and couldn't believe that he was the same size as my 4 year old! Wow. I was shocked. I'm just sitting in the car, straight from the airport, just listening to her ramble. My daughter scratched a sore on the top of her head before we left. Now, according to mother-in-law, it's infected and my daughter needs to be taken to the urgent care asap. Wow. Again, I'm shocked. I leave for 6 days and my son's feet grow 2 sizes and my daughters healing sore becomes grotesquely infected! Oh - and I'm supposed to call her and tell her where the store that we buy our eldest's school uniforms is because last year's uniforms are "just filthy and gross" Disgusting." When I was out of the car and able, I checked out my son's new shoes. They are two sizes too big!! His feet haven't grown at all! Where are HIS shoes that fit him. There was so much shoe NOT being used I could've made a whole other shoe for someone else with it! I was furious. He's learning to walk in them, because they're spider man and he loves them, but he does occasionally trip because they're like little boats on his feet. AND SHE THREW OUT HIS OLD ONES!!! My daughter's head was absolutely fine. The sore was still there but it was a scab. We put Neosporin on it and it's gotten even better! What the heck? My husband says she prolly had a hard time putting on our son's shoes, got impatient and frustrated so instead of admitting it was her inability, she blames me. Nice. He says I should respond with the same level of ridiculousness. I don't have his wit or level of comfort "putting her in her place." My husband is the only person I've ever seen make her feel as stupid as she makes others feel. Anyway - aside from all of her exaggertaing - the part I really want to call her on is that SHE LIED!! She said she measured his feet. She said she took him to the store, put his feet in the thing and he measured a size 10! Obviously she didn't. She couldn't have because he's NOT. You can put his foot up to the bottom of the shoe and see how HUGE it is! But now we have to go and buy him new shoes that actually fit him because she threw his old tennis shoes away. Am I just as guilty of over re-acting as she is?? How do I tell and show her that she is completely off her rocker! Should I let it go or is that why it's gotten this bad? Cuz I keep letting it go? She lied! Straight up lied. I don't get it. Link to comment
nottoogreen Posted August 21, 2006 Share Posted August 21, 2006 Hi Ta_ree_saw, Perhaps she is lonely and attention seeking. And by her practical actions, she has issues relating to reality and lives a bit in her imagined world. Could be old age. Could you give her a bit of attention (in return for looking after the kids). Sometimes let her stay at your house if that is possible. How is her memory? Does she mess things up, mix up things, misplace things? Link to comment
vandgsmom Posted August 21, 2006 Share Posted August 21, 2006 I have the same prob when my grandma watches the kiddos for a weekend about twice a year when i have to travel. None of thier clothes fit, I am not washing the stains out properly. Their shoes all rub blisters. All of Tori's dresses are tool long and she hems them up so short her rear sticks out. They don't eat enough. They said I don't make them gravy everymorning for their eggs. etc, etc, etc, etc, et al, ad finitum... GRRRRRRRrrrrrrrr!!!! They just assume that you could not possibly have the child rearing wisdom that they have and when confronted with the evidence of your wellfed wellclothed wellbehaved children, it makes her feel inadequate, so she makes a big deal out of something small. Let it go. You will feel better being the bigger person, and she will feel better feeling like she helped you/taught you something... Link to comment
AwdreeHpburn Posted August 21, 2006 Author Share Posted August 21, 2006 Hi Ta_ree_saw, Perhaps she is lonely and attention seeking. And by her practical actions, she has issues relating to reality and lives a bit in her imagined world. Could be old age. Could you give her a bit of attention (in return for looking after the kids). Sometimes let her stay at your house if that is possible. How is her memory? Does she mess things up, mix up things, misplace things? no - and that's awesome. She's only 53 years old. She's just a control freak. She may be lonely - you may be on to something, but I ain't gonna be the one to fill that void! Link to comment
southerngirl Posted August 21, 2006 Share Posted August 21, 2006 For starters you should ask her for the shoes and get them. If my mom n law did that I would be very upset. Link to comment
AwdreeHpburn Posted August 22, 2006 Author Share Posted August 22, 2006 I have the same prob when my grandma watches the kiddos for a weekend about twice a year when i have to travel. None of thier clothes fit, I am not washing the stains out properly. Their shoes all rub blisters. All of Tori's dresses are tool long and she hems them up so short her rear sticks out. They don't eat enough. They said I don't make them gravy everymorning for their eggs. etc, etc, etc, etc, et al, ad finitum... GRRRRRRRrrrrrrrr!!!! They just assume that you could not possibly have the child rearing wisdom that they have and when confronted with the evidence of your wellfed wellclothed wellbehaved children, it makes her feel inadequate, so she makes a big deal out of something small. Let it go. You will feel better being the bigger person, and she will feel better feeling like she helped you/taught you something... AHH!! V - how very frustrating! You must have the patience of a saint. But good call, seriously. I SHOULD just let it go and let her feel good for helping, you're right. But the lying, just so she can be right! errrrrrr Link to comment
nottoogreen Posted August 22, 2006 Share Posted August 22, 2006 But the lying, just so she can be right! errrrrrr A am concerned that she believes what she said. Never mind she is just 53. Could you watch her a bit? How is her memory? Does she mess things up, mix up things, misplace things? Link to comment
AwdreeHpburn Posted August 22, 2006 Author Share Posted August 22, 2006 well, to be honest nottogreen - she's has been a little scatterbrained of late. I have a feeling she DOES believe what she's said because she's really good at convincing herself of things. But seriously, she HAS to know she never actually measured his feet? Right? But when I first met her, almost 10 years ago, she was very obsessive and somewhat controlling but it has gotten sooooo much worse over the years. My husband and her husband notice it as well. My husband says she acts that way so overtly with me because I let her and I don't push back. It's true, but HOW can I?? She's my mother-in-law. My kids' grandma? I can't make friction in THAT realtionship. If I do, it'll be there forever. She avoids confrontation like the plague and she can hold a grudge forever. I was just talking to my husband about the whole situation. He said he'll talk to her but I am still going to have to buy my son new shoes so he doesn't trip or get blisters. She's just a judgemental, control-freak and I need to find a way to cope. Link to comment
AwdreeHpburn Posted August 23, 2006 Author Share Posted August 23, 2006 Just venting - We had another altercatin today 'cept this time - and maybe for the FIRST time, I think she knew I was po-ed. She came over to get the girls for a sleep over but that left my son to hang out with me, which of course for him was hard to understand. She was leaving, he was crying and I had him in my arms taking him away to calm him from the leaving grandma. So what does she do???? As she walking towrd me she starts crying, "Oh Theresa, bring him here, just let him go." I told her that he's going to cry no matter when she' leaves so she shold just go, and she takes him out of my arms!! So NOW, not only does he think his crying worked and he may be going, but she's just prolonging the torture! aarrggh!! So I just walked away. And there were a BUNCH of people standing there. I was too frustrated to worry about whether or not I looked like a donkey -tho I'm sure I did. i don't care. she really gets to me sometimes...... Link to comment
vandgsmom Posted August 28, 2006 Share Posted August 28, 2006 deep cleansing breaths.... count backwards from ten.... and then go get a roast out of the freezer and beat it repeatedly with a meat tenderizer.... makes you feel better AND it moves dinner along swimmingly... (so sorry, hon. sometimes you DO just have to make a stand, if for nothing else but your own sanity.... but in the long run it seems that avoidence is the best plan of attack if her little mothering forays aren't doing the children any harm) Link to comment
vandgsmom Posted September 5, 2006 Share Posted September 5, 2006 Just spent the weekend at my mothers and grandmothers homes... Just thought I would offer you one of the highly tenderized roasts I have extra. I went ahead and tenderized 15 of them today...lol How are things with the mother in law?? Link to comment
vandgsmom Posted September 5, 2006 Share Posted September 5, 2006 I also have several lbs of ground meat that I made from the first couple of roasts that I started on.... Link to comment
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