kind of curious

[danman4968]

Ok, so my girlfriend broke up with me almost a month ago...and nearing a week of no contact...so...what is on her mind? She says shes content single, and that she doesnt want a guy...anyone been through this? I'm not mad or reallly even sad anymore, im just curious as to what she is thinking. Could it just be temporary for her, like a break? She has no interest in talking to me whatsoever...so anyone know from experience what she could be thinking?

[princess81]

It sounds like your in the denial phase after a month you are not sad or mad but you want to know what is in her mind which by the way if you figure out how to do let me know. Now my and everyone elses experince is different for me it has differ one time I was over and past the person way before we broke up on another occasion I was making him miss me which you gotta be carefull with cause you can push it sometimes like he learned he was happier and better of with out me.

[Gator]

Danman,

 

If you read through the myriad posts here, you will see a common theme. When they say, "they just want to be alone" or "they need space" or anything like that, it means they are not happy in the current relationship.

 

It hurts, at least it did in my case, but it is usually the case.

 

You say you dont really care, so just move on and she knows how to contact if she wants you back.

 

Good luck.

 

Sean

[shes2smart]

Well, no one can tell you what she's thinking, but having been in and out of relationships a time or two...I'm familiar with the "just broke up and want to be single for a while" mindset.

 

When I've been the one initiating the break-up, for me, it was final. I wasn't going back. Usually the months after a break-up were spent re-discovering my own interests/hobbies, and being completely selfish about how I spent my time. That, and working.

 

And that's about it. I might think of the ex every once in a while, but more in the context of "I'm glad I'm not there anymore" than "Gosh, I miss him."

 

But that's just me....your ex might be in a totally different headspace.

[danman4968]

Well, i just read one of my best friends myspace, and as i stated in a previous post she has been having sex with someone 5 years older...and at her age...its a big gap, and quite a discusting one...and now shes asking him if he wants to hang out...not in a message, just in a comment...Is she just out to get me or what?

[shes2smart]

Well, much as it might hurt to hear this, it's entirely possible that she's not considering you at all, but doing what she feels she needs to do to move on.

 

I certainly didn't think "oh, I'll do this and it'll yank my ex's chain" after I broke up with someone. The focus at those times was me...not my ex. Far as I was concerned the ex didn't exist in my world anymore.

 

That might be the way to go for you -- she doesn't need to exist in your world anymore. There is absolutely no good reason for you to be scoping her online activities on myspace....all you wind up doing when you do that is hurting and irritating yourself.

 

As for age gaps, my husband's 11 years younger than me, and my last bf was 18 years older, so unless she's under 18, 5 years' difference is small potatoes.

[danman4968]

first...she just turned 17 less than a week ago...second...its very hard to have her not exist when she is commenting one of my best friends pages, the same one i comment...so i cant help but to see it. Im really trying my best to push her out of my mind, and was doing a pretty good job up until this point.

[shes2smart]

Alright, I can understand why there's a problem with a 5 year age difference as she's under 18 and (if you're in the US) not a legal adult. However, she may be over the age of consent as that varies from state to state.

 

In any event, much as it bothers you, it's no longer any of your concern. Since you have such strong feelings about her current activities I'm guessin' you wouldn't want her back (if that was even a thought in your mind/possibility) anyway. The kindest thing you can do for yourself right now is wash your hands of the situation.

 

While you may be in the habit of visiting your friend's myspace, in the interest of what's best for you, you may have to refrain from visiting your friend's page for the time being. Surely you have other ways to keep in touch with this friend that would keep you from indirectly seeing what she's up to? Your friend should have some understanding if you need to keep away from their myspace for a while.

[danman4968]

yea...just gets hard sometimes...but thank you for the advice, ill do my best to keep off of hers, and everyone she talks to on my friend list.

[Scotcha]

In many states, at least in the one I live in (New York), 17 IS the legal age for concent.

[danman4968]

just because its legal doesnt mean that its right i suppose...and in california, where i live it is illegal, and discusting...just as much as i want to not care and get it off my mind...i cant help but to wonder things and think, its horrible. But i suppose that ill just have to wait it out.

[Riggz41510]

just because its legal doesnt mean that its right i suppose...and in california, where i live it is illegal, and discusting...just as much as i want to not care and get it off my mind...i cant help but to wonder things and think, its horrible. But i suppose that ill just have to wait it out.

 

Danman4968,

 

I know the feeling of wondering what the ex is dong and who she is with. I know how you feel it all in your stomach and it makes you have to physically have to go throw up..

 

Try this..The next time you think of your ex with the new guy, just imagine that he is horrible, treats her like crap and he has a smaller package than you.

 

There are no magic words that will make you feel better. I've been through this 3 times. My ex too got with an older guy, who I considered a worst catch than me, but keep in mind that the experiences and things that you guys have been through, shape and form who she is now. So the new guy might make her feel the way you once did..

 

Just try and stay focused on the prize.. You will have good day and bad days. Try and avoid any thing that reminds you of her.. It's going to be a bumpy road..Just take it day by day..