Not knowing when we will see each other again

[Ixtapa]

I'm in a really long distance relationship (he's in Mexico, I am in Switz). Due to lack of money and time on both parts at the time being, we do not know when we will be able to meet up again. Could be in a few months, could be in a year, the plan being to see each other again in 2007, not sure when depending on the circumstances

I sometimes have a really hard time dealing with not knowing when we will see each other again. It's making me feel restless and impatient...which sometimes leads me to start nagging him about making more precise plans (when I know perfectly well that it can't be done at this stage). He is much more patient than I am and believes that things will fall into place naturally when the time is right.

 

Is anyone here in my situation ? What do you do to keep "sane" ?? I just hate it when I become whiny and depressed about the uncertainty of it all........any advice on "growing" some patience ??

[chai714]

Geography is a relationship killer.

 

Unless there is a definite plan to close the gap (as in move closer such as within 30 miles) then the odds are against you.

 

You're 34 years young. Why should you wait a year to see 1 guy? Did you guys previously have a long term relationship and he happened to move to Mexico?

[NJRon]

If this is a serious relationship, the plan should not be just seeing each other in 2007. It should be moving closer together.

 

Like Chai says, unless you have a mutually agreeable plan to close that gap in a mutually agreeable timeframe, there's not much point in having some long-distance pining relationship.

 

Some questions... What is keeping you two apart? How long have you been seeing each other? How long have you known each other? Are your feelings mutual? Have you talked about moving closer together yet?

[monkey1]

Oh hon, welcome to my world.

 

My boyfriend and I are tight with money and both are trying to get our lives settled. He's in the UK, i'm in the States. And it's been 2 years so try that one on for size.

 

Anyway, I'm hoping that I get a job soon so I can try and go visit him for NYE and his birthday. Will that happen? I don't know. And I know you're aware of the cost of flights.

 

And my god I do have a hard time. Believe me, the last 4 months have been rough and it's been due to lack of knowing when I'll see him and lack of intimacy. Things have changed, I need more from him, at least more intimacy and it tried telling him for ages, but instead he'd get pissed at me or say "I have a lot going on in my life" and so on and believe me, I know about the nagging like it's my middle name. Anyway, I came to the point yeterday where I told him that this wasn't going to work out and he listened and understood what I was saying. For the first time I felt like he was really paying attention to what my needs were for once and surprisingly I felt like we actually accomplished something.

 

And I know when you are countries apart that it's hard if both people don't have a lot of money to plan for a trip because it's not like a quick weekend over and back.

 

My boyfriend and I love each other a lot and he and I both agreed that a majority of people who are in LDR couldn't handle what we've dealt with and would have thrown in the towel. It really is a test of patiences and trying to remain positive.

 

I don't know what you and your boyfriend do already, but you have to try and stay connected and always express to each other your needs and feelings for each other. Remain open and honest with each other.

 

PM if you have any other questions ...

[Ixtapa]

Thanks for your replies...

 

I met my boyfriend through the net back in 2001 but we didnt meet in person until last year (in February). Have to say we were just friends until then, since neither of us is the type to fall in love online. However, we did grow very close during those years if that makes any sense at all...and when we met we just found out that we were incredibly attracted to each other (worse things can happen). To cut a long story short, we have been in a LDR for the past 18 months (and have seen him twice since the first meeting).

 

We definitely do have plans to get closer someday in a decent time frame, we just dont know exactly when or where or how...this is something we will have to discuss further when we meet again. One of us will have to move that is a sure thing, and we have discussed that already but we just have not decided which one of us yet. There is still a lot of thinking to be done until we take that step and that is why I get so impatient.....I know that small trips won't solve anything but I just feel that it would be important to discuss things in person and spend a bit more time together before taking that big step of moving together.....meaning quite a culture shock for one of us.

 

I am working on my Master's degree right now and should be done with it in the Fall of 2007. That is the main reason why I'm "stuck" here for the moment. We both agreed that I should get my degree before thinking about moving together or anything else of the sort.

 

I am perfectly willing to wait for another year to "make things happen", I am so busy with full time school and a part time job to support myself I would have no time for a relationship right here right now anyway.

It is just hard to deal with being so impatient at times.....

[sooky]

im glad it's not just me.

im stuck in the uk until i graduate in 2008.

£800ish for ticket to 'meet in the middle' for christmas. it's not easy. but i think he's worth it. and he seems to think so too.

the thought of moving out there for a trial year once i graduate is the only reason we're going to try to make it work at the crazy distance.

the only words of wisdom i can offer are uber cliched. keep communication open. never resent a person for the situation as a whole. and find ways to remember why you are putting yourself through this in the first place. you're doing really well...good luck with the hard decisions. stay strong

xxxx

[skyjuice]

Hi

 

Take baby step everyday and have faith in yourself.

I believe both of you would make it.

[Ixtapa]

Thanks for the advice and kind words

Trying to keep sane here....sometimes I think I just over-analyze everything !!

Also, he is not as emotional as I am, and I sometimes take it as lack as involvement on his part...which he assures me it is not. He just has different ways to show his feelings (I am more verbal, he is more openly affectionate...which obviously he can't do while we are apart).

 

Still...I am just SO happy I met him ...just have to trust that things will work out in the end !