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I'm so in love with him but I feel like he's slipping away


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So here's my story, maybe someone can hekp me keep the love of my life.. i certainly hope so.

 

So I 've been dating this guy for a little under a year now and this is the first guy I've absolutly fallen head over heals for. In the beginning, he was the one begging me to go out with him and so after a few times of him asking, I did. We are bo9th very jelous people which brings us to many arguments but eventually we always get thorugh them. We have a definate love-hate relationship. Either we're so happy and in love with eachother or we're screaming at eachother. the problem when we fight is it always turns inot "well then fine then, don't be with me if you don't like it" from one of us... but before the day is over we always get back together.For about the first 6 months, he usually came back to me, even cried and begged for me to stay with him. Now I can see the fights are draining on both of us but I still love him to death. However, now the tables have truned, I'm the one who goes crying back and he's the one who just keeps trying to leave. I don't want ot let him go, that's why I chase him. With little effort, he comes back and tells me he loves me but I can't understand why if he loves me like he says and supposidly wants to spend the rest of his life with me, why he makes the choice to keep "breaking up with me" even though when I go to him he comes back. I guess I believe he just comes back because I cry. I hate that feeling. I don't want to be the one running back and feeling like a desperate idiot. It's starting to feel like he doens'e care ahlf the time and I jsut don't understand and just want to know a way to keep him with me and stop leaving and then coming back because i cry. it hurts so much and I love him to death; I don't want to loose him. HELP ME KEEP HIM, please... he's the world to me.

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This is a unhealthy relationship. When a partner keeps breaking up and then coming back as soon as the other person cries, it becomes a game to them. They thrive on the drama and the ego boost when the other person cries and begs them not to leave. Next time he breaks up with you, don't run after him, just stand your ground and let him walk out. If you don't play that game with him, he will either come back in earnest or he will leave for good and you will be rid of all that unhealthy drama.

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In the end it's up to one of you to decide whether to stay or not. If you feel like his hearts not in it and you're making him stay you might be right. I'm sure he loves you but he probably doesn't want to deal with the fighting anymore so I'm sure he is tired of it. What do you usually fight about? Have you tried sitting down and talking about your issues instead of threatening to leave each other?

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I know how it feels to hold onto something. My relationship with my BF can be similar sometimes. We are both also very jealous people and sometimes that jealousy creates issues that shouldn't be there. I know its hard, but it sounds like you have a bit of a co-dependant relationship. He can't live without you, and you can't live without him. But believe me this is VERY unhealthy. I was in the same position. I went to counselling to deal with heaps of my issues (Cause thats where this co-dependancy comes from, perhaps nothing to with your BF) and as I progressed in working out my issues, I found my relationship with my BF becoming better and better. We are still wokring on our things, but it is SOSOSOSOSO much better than it was before. Maybe somthing to think about?

Feel free to PM me if you want to talk further...

 

Good luck

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we never fight about anything big, i mean neither one of us has cheated or done anything to that effect its mostly just one of us being in a bad mood for some reason and instead of the other person being comforting and understanding they get mad at the others attitude and it blows up. for example, i pick him up everymorning to take him to school. he knows i will be at his house as always at 6:30 and although i call to wake him up he can never, ever, manage to be ready on time and it drives me nuts. i sit outside his house for 10 min. before he even comes outside and by the tiem he gets out there, im n a pissy mood because once againas always he wastn reasy on time. i cant stand people who arent on time and he has his pet peeves to and we fight over things like that.

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I know how you feel with this. With an ex, in the last months of our relationship, every other night we had screaming matches over small, seemingly unimportant things. It would always end up where one of us threatened to leave, usually him. He'd turn to leave and I'd go running after him, felt like my life would be over if I let him walk out the door (co-dependency) This type of toxic relationship drains you, and it sounds like one of you needs to just stand your ground. Either stay or go, but there is no point to living in this cycle. Why do you love him? What makes you beg him to stay?

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  • 2 weeks later...

I know I am still young and i am still unsure if i could be in love at 17 but thats a whole other issue. i have a pretty roght time at home... divorced drug addict parents, fight with them a lot but anyway, bakck to why i love him... i guess he's my safe place to runa way to. hes always been the one that makes me feel safe and special and pretty and all the thigns a girl wants to feel. when i tell him i love him i fell how much i mean it and i know that its not just words coming out of my mouth and im scared when he tells me its just him saying 3 words to make me happy. he always is the one to push me to be a better person and although we fight and at times i fell like hes the worst thing thats even happened to me, at the end of the day i know hes the best. i love him with all my heart even though the relationship is at times draining and emotionally painful, i fel like i cant be without him.

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wow hun, I can really relate here. my ex was my "safe" place to go to, and I felt that he was pushing me to be a better person. In reality, you are co-dependent, and you know what? Only you can help yourself. No offense meant here, but you sound desperate to be loved. I know how that feels, but pain and dependency doesn't equal love. Trust me, you CAN be without him, and you can flourish all on your own. You're a beautiful girl and I know that deep down you know you deserve better. Tell yourself you deserve happiness, to find real love. But, first you have to love yourself. It sounds cheesy, but it's true. You can NOT, I repeat, can NOT have a healthy, successful relationship if you don't value yourself and love yourself. Good luck to you, keep us updated.

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I'm in a similar situation, I feel as though my boyfriend is slipping away from me, but it's not because of any fights (we hardly ever fight actually) but it's because he barely spends any time with me these days.

I suggest you lay down the law with your boyfriend, you need to tell him how it makes you feel when he breaks it off with you. It's not healthy for him to keep breaking up with you and toying with your emotions just to go back to you at the end of the day, it's too much for one precious heart to handle.

I think you need to talk to him, make things straight, tell him something like "next time you break up with me, it's over for good," I know it must be a scary thought for you to think of living without him but sometimes it's necessary for someone to let go of someone/something that means so much to them so they are able to grow stronger.

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so its gotten worse. last night we were on the phone from about 9:30 until midnight. everything started okay and then i dont know how we even started fighting. its all a blur to me now i just remember him telling me i didnt love him and we could never stop fighting and make anythig work so it was over. i was hysterical and he always says he cant listen to me cry so he just hangs up. he doesnt cry anymore when he breaks up with me. this i had gotten used to but it got worse. i called him back crying and he kept hurting me in the things he said. i proposed we jsut take a break, not break up. but he said we shouldnt do that because he "knows he'll cheat on me because he would want to experience something new". i couldnt take it. i cried like crazy. then he compared me to his ex (who he used to tell me he didnt ever care about.. that she was ugly... stupid... and he had no feeligns for) by saying she loved him more. he and his ex dated for only 5 months.. (ive been with him almost nine) and i know i love him so much more. then he told me if i would prove that i loved him and of course i said yes and asked how. he said if i would have a 3sum w another girl of my choice. (we've been down that discussion road b4 and ive always said it made me uncomfortable and he said he understood). i started crying more and said i had to walk away and that i was sorry but i couldnt see him on another girl. the thought is even too painful. so by the end of the discussion he said he didnt ever even want a 3sum he just wanted to hear me say that i wanted him for myself and that was showing him i loved him. so by the end of the conversation after hearing so much time of painful words, we ended up back together. im not awake this morning with swollen eyes from crying and a broken heart that may be put back together but it just doesnt feel whole. i live in fear of our next fight everyday. i dont wnana cry. i dont want to feel like he doesnt live me and then the next minute feel like he does. its an emotional roller coaster. i love him. i want to marry him, but not like this.

 

i love him with all my heart but i need help. a part of me says not to be with him but the other side of me cant let go. help.

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hey girly, listen to me. I think i can help you because me and my girlfriend had same problems. Ok here is what you do. Try not to speak to him much, wait till he calls you. Dont RUN after him, and dont say things like " I love you" , " I need you". And stuff like that much. Be yourself again. The things that made you jealous and fight him, act like you dont care about it no more. What he loved from you at the beggining was that he couldnt have what he wanted, he had to win your affection, play hard to get, just dont be too obvious about it, an dtell him youve got to go earlier on phone calls. Let him feel the heat. Now get that pride back GIRL!, Now make him chase again. Its basically like letting him run after you now. Dont get me wrong, its not a game. But its the way to win his affection big time. He will start to ask himself... hmmm she isnt calling me, i wonder why. It happened to me. But i believe your boyfriend does truly love you and wouldnt cheat on you. Dont fight him, and if he wants to get u jealous or break up. Tell him u are upset over this, but if he feels its right then so be it. And one more thing, u need to realize as long as your holding on, he is too. He is in pain also. EVEN, if he doesnt seem like it. Give him signs that youve moved on, and i guaratee you he will be at your FEET!

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this is really easy to fix u know...just sit down and talk about all this stuff...get rid of all the fear and the doubt and everything negative...stop holding it in...and then both of u can just reach for each other without all the stuff that has no business screwing things up. i hope everything works out for u

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icewing.. thank you so much. i was hoping to hear from a guy and hear something like this rather than girls telling me i shouldnt cry etc. ur reply is most appriciated. im just scared if i back off and stop chasing he'll leave for good because he's always tol dme if he starts to see i dont care anymore, hes gone. im going to do my best to make him chase me. thank you so much

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ok.. ok .. ok i gotcha... its hard to forget about sum1 u love, i dont have the guts to do it. But by doing this, u need to hold in alot. And if he loves u he will come back REAL FAST. If hes playing games u dont need him. And by games i mean, he thinks ur good looking. Not that he wants to actually play around with you. Dont let him step over you like that. Have your pride girl, show him whos boss, i know u hate it when ppl say forget about him, but im not saying that to you. Im sure he loves you, why wouldnt he. Just do what i told you, your a very pretty girl, im sure he will never turn away from ya, GL and i hope all turns well.

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