I will be glad when I can't feel it in my stomach anymore

[Riggz41510]

I don't speak to my ex. Any communication that we have as far as our child is concerned is done through her family..

 

Well her aunt just e-mailed me and told me she wants me too keep my daughter Wednesday through Sunday. Which immediately gave me the butterfly effect in my stomach. I began to wonder, where is she going? Who is she going with? Who is so important that she would miss work?

 

I know its not my concern, she is no longer mines, but It still doesn't stop the feeling I feel..I sometimes wonder will I always feel this way towards her? Will the feeling I feel when I see her name or her her name ever go away?

 

Then to make matters worse my friend sent me some pictures from their wedding which my ex and I were in, and we looked so happy. Who would have thought 2 weeks later we would be breaking up??

[desertnomad]

I hear ya. Thats really tough. Its those memories that are killers. You think back to those times or see those pictures and its like you just wish in some way you could turn back time and do something to change what you didnt know was about to happen. I had some great memories with my ex just two weeks before our ltr ended and I didnt have a clue we were so close to the end. I think dam how could we make such great memories just so few days before our relationship ended.

[Riggz41510]

I hear ya. Thats really tough. Its those memories that are killers. You think back to those times or see those pictures and its like you just wish in some way you could turn back time and do something to change what you didnt know was about to happen. I had some great memories with my ex just two weeks before our ltr ended and I didnt have a clue we were so close to the end. I think dam how could we make such great memories just so few days before our relationship ended.

 

I keep thinking.. DAMN. what happened?? What happened to the innocent couple in love we once were? Where did the love go? What happened to all the promises we made to each other? All our hopes and dreams..

[desertnomad]

Those are hard questions to answer. My ex and I had lots of hopes and dreams. We were looking for a house when she left. But she was not totally honest with me. She let outside voices influence her. I left my ex wife years ago because something pulled me away but I regretted it later. Its those constant thoughts that the grass is greener with someone else or on your own and very rarely is it. I learned my lesson but in my case my ex hadnt and I dont believe for one moment she is truly happier right now then she was. Theres a song by don henley with some lyrics that just keep going through my head over and over again when I try to think how something could end so suddenly or someone could throw so much away.

I got the call today, I didnt wanna hear

But I knew that it would come

An old, true friend of ours was talkin on the phone

She said youd found someone

And I thought of all the bad luck,

And the struggles we went through

And how I lost me and you lost you

What are these voices outside loves open door

Make us throw off our contentment

And beg for something more?

[Riggz41510]

As crazy as it may sound, some days I wish I would come down with amnesia. I have days when I'm fine and go on with my day as I normally would, but boy some days are so hard. Like today I feel horrible. I feel this constant urge to e-mail hr or text her and let her know she is on my mind.

 

I sometimes wonder if she thinks of me? Or if she ever has nights when she wishes I was there lying next too her. Its funny because she has done some REAL MESSED up stuff to me over the years, but I still feel this intense love for her.. its weird

[Riggz41510]

AArrghh.. Now my neighbor is playing Mariah Carey.. She just got done playing "we belong together" now she's playing "Don't forget about us"..

 

Its really making me feel depressed.. I remember the first time we got back together after our initial break-up that song had just come out(we belong together)

Is it true that nothing can compare to your first true love??

 

Damn what a day!!!!!!

[desertnomad]

yeah I know exactly what your saying. I think the same things that she must feel as bad as me or think of me but that only makes it worse because then I want to email her and let her know I am there for her and we can work this out. but I already tried that and that didnt work at all... she was really very cold even though I know she wasnt happy. I dont know if you saw that jim carey movie eternal sunshine of the spotless mind but when my ex left I thought how great it would be if that movie were true I could just erase the memories of her and go on like nothing had ever happened. Funny me and my ex saw that movie together. It is a rollercoaster of emotions. Its like your being ripped apart sometimes

[Riggz41510]

yeah I know exactly what your saying. I think the same things that she must feel as bad as me or think of me but that only makes it worse because then I want to email her and let her know I am there for her and we can work this out. but I already tried that and that didnt work at all... she was really very cold even though I know she wasnt happy. I dont know if you saw that jim carey movie eternal sunshine of the spotless mind but when my ex left I thought how great it would be if that movie were true I could just erase the memories of her and go on like nothing had ever happened. Funny me and my ex saw that movie together. It is a rollercoaster of emotions. Its like your being ripped apart sometimes

 

This once again proves that no matter how different we think we are, we all have emotions and we pretty much go through the same things.

 

I'm going to go you one better... When I was with my ex I wasn't happy, I was miserable. I was even thinking of leaving her. Just didn't have the balls.. But I find myself thinking I would take me being miserable just to be with her.. I guess its kind of like a drug attic that knows the drugs are no good for them and ruining them, but they still want and crave for that drug..

 

What I would give to hear her call me and say "I love you".. What I would give to hear her say "come spend the night with me" when we were together it would drive me crazy that she always wanted me to be at her house...

 

What is wrong with me????????

[desertnomad]

Dont think anything is wrong with you. I remember a quote I read once.."we crave that which cannot attain and disrespect that which we cannot escape" I guess its just being human and human nature.

[HeartAche]

I know exactly what you mean CheddaBoy. My ex is supposed to be coming round tonight to pick up the rest of her belongings and discuss our financial issues. Due to the time I don't think she's coming anymore but everytime I hear a car pull up or a noise outside the front door, my stomach does a quick spin.

[Riggz41510]

I know exactly what you mean CheddaBoy. My ex is supposed to be coming round tonight to pick up the rest of her belongings and discuss our financial issues. Due to the time I don't think she's coming anymore but everytime I hear a car pull up or a noise outside the front door, my stomach does a quick spin.

 

Did she ever show up??

[HeartAche]

Nope, and didn't even have the courtesy to let me know she wasn't!

[desertnomad]

Man that stinks Sorry to hear that

[Donster]

"We tend to think the grass is greener on the other side, when in all actuality if you would simply just water your own grass it will be just as green"

 

I love this quote on Cheddaboy's tag. It's so true. My ex and I had stopped watering our grass, and of course it looked better on the other side. By the time we started watering our own grass, it was a bit too late.

 

I totally know what you mean about feeling it in your stomach. The first time I found out that I had been betrayed, my heart just dropped, right down to my stomach. After a while, you just kinda feel a lump there, like a heavy weight pulling on your heart.

 

I don't know what happened eventually, if it was time, or some space apart, or something that changed in my head. But eventually I stopped caring about what my ex was doing, who he was with, or whatever. And even if I did find out, I wouldn't feel anything tugging on my heart at all. So somehow along the way I had learned to let go.

 

I'm sorry I don't have any real suggestions about how to let go. Just hang in there, you'll get to that point eventually!

 

Good luck!

[Riggz41510]

Its weird because I want to totally let go, but that part of me that still loves her feels like well once I totally let her go it will be it..

 

I guess I'm trying to say that I feel that since she left me, she must already feel we are not for one another and the part of me that still wants her feels that if I let go totally it will definitely be the end of us..