Failure vs success

[laboheme]

Just out of curiosity: what do you guys think qualifies as a failed relationship and a successful relationship? I was told that a relationship didn't necessarily fail just because two people didn't end up marrying each other...but I was also told that there is no point in having a serious relationship if it's not going to lead to something more...So what's your take on that? If two people were happy together and helped each other become better people but ended up breaking up because of x, y, and z, did the relationship fail or not? Conversely, if two people didn't have a very good relationship but ended up spending the rest of their lives together (assuming no abuse or anything, just a vanilla marriage), did that relationship succeed? Very interested to hear your responses...

[VeganBohemian]

I think if a relationship eventually ends, it did fail. However, if two people stay together and are not in a good relationship, then that too is a failure. A success, in my eyes, would be two people in a GOOD relationship...who stay that way.

 

- Kels

[melrich]

My personal view is that breaking up does not equal failure. Staying together does not necessarily equal success.

 

To me your life is made up of periods of time. These periods of time are different for every person. What you desire, need, want, love, think etc. can change from period to period. It will not always be the same person or even any person that will fulfil your needs from one period in time to the next. And similarly you may not fufil another persons'.

 

So if any relationship you have fulfils your desires and needs for a period of time, makes you and the other person happy, then it has some level of success to me.

[Momene]

If you were happy for a number of years or even months it's a success.

 

If all the time you were feeling insecure about the relationship and there were lots of breaks and arguments, it wasn't, however good the sex was.

[NJRon]

In my opinion, it's all about growth.

 

Sometimes, it is necessary to end a relationship in order to foster further growth. Sometimes, growth can be fostered by modifying the relationship, yet keeping it intact.

 

Over all, regardless of whether it is painful going through the changes, because change is painful, relationships that foster growth are successful.

 

If a relationship stagnates/represses growth... then it is unsuccessful.

 

Just my own little philosophy and probably of no real use to anyone else...

[Momene]

Sometimes growth is stagnated by external factors like work, health and money, not the relationship itself.

[NJRon]

Growth being stagnated by those issues are not what I am talking about. Personal growth being stagnated by (and within) a relationship is.

 

If someone is stagnating in Work, Health, money... etc. Then the relationship is successful if it successfully supports your ability to try and grow in those areas. If your relationship stifles your abilkity to do so... then it is not successful. Again.. .it also depends on what is important to you... I'm certainly not saying that all relationships shouls be about the maximization of profit

 

So... if the universal You is stagnated in your career and that is something that is important to you, your relationship should allow your to stretch your wings in that area. It allows for, supports and nurtures personal growth for the betterment of each of its participants... not to their detriment.