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Aaarrrggghhh absolutely furious!

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Quick recap for those who don't know my story. Broke up with my Fiancee 5 weeks ago - she initially said a break, we agreed on 2 weeks the after the first week she ended it.


Because we were together for so long our finances are somewhat intertwinned - joint mortgage, joint secured loan, joint account and she has two other loans that I took out for her.


The day she ended it (via email btw), I asked about the finances and she said she'll continue paying into the account for now. Obviously not ideal I know but it'll give us both time to sort something out.


Last week she said she's getting a van to come and pickup the rest of her stuff next week (tomorrow in fact). I asked if she had any thought on the money thing and she said no, have I? I said no and we agreed to discuss it on Tuesday.


She's crap with money and knows money is extremely tight, I've been staying in at the weekends and stuff to save a bit of money until things are sorted out and was expecting her to do the same. BUT, just got my bank statement throught and noticed that last week she splurged £136.95 in a clothes shop and the very same day, withdrew £50.00 (with a £1.75 cashpoint charge no less) at one of London's night spots! She obviously spent the lot that night because the following day she withdrew another £30.00 from near where she works and she's obviously not using this money for food because that day she also spent £44.19 in the supermarket. Plus it's not for petrol either because the following day she spent £63.20 on a train ticket, followed by withdrawing a further £40.00 out of a mysterious cash point!!


I mean, how selfish can you get?!?!? Together 5 years yet I obviously meant so little to her that she can go out for a night on the town!! No money and yet she's spending it like it's going out of fashion!!!!!


Now I've got her coming round to pick up her stuff tomorrow and talk about money. What on earth am I going to say? ](*,)

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Well, she needs to not have access to your money, period. That luxury ended with her decision to end the relationship. What she's spending right now is NOTHING compared to what she could be taking out. Protect yourself while you can, before it's too late.

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Ugh, that is a financial mess....I tend to be a stickler for being very careful about meshing accounts before (and even after marriage to a degree), and especially about taking out loans for the other person in your name, and so forth (especially where the one is not "good with money matters). And if you do decide to (married or not), it is important to have a LEGAL agreement to set out the terms of repayment, and a "pre-nup" of sorts.


Of course, too late for that now!


I would suggest you sort out the finances ASAP, and set up a repayment plan for those loans. Perhaps you can sell the house and she can use her part of the profit to pay off those loans and be free and clear?


I would on your side definitely have a separate account for YOUR money, and change the automatic payments from your half to come for that account..don't give her access to YOUR money.

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Oh my god this is not good. So not good.

About the 2 other loans she took on your name: she could raise a loan on her name to repay this 2 loans that are on your name. if she has enough credibilty to raise a lone i guess you must insist on that. That way you are going to make debt on your name smaller. or I don't know if it is possible to adress those lones at her name in some way.

Joint mortage for what? House, appartment. I am not familiar whit english expressions of banking. And what is joined secured loan?

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Joint mortage


This would be for a house/condo, whatever they signed a contract with bank/mortgage lender which agrees on them paying back a "loan" plus interest over certain time period. Of course this is an investment and you can sell the property as you "own" it.


Trickier to deal with then a "lease" which is just an agreement with a rental company to pay a certain amount every month for a certain period of time...but you are not owning it, or investing the money.


And what is joined secured loan?


That would mean it is tied to assets - like the house. If unpaid, they can seize the house or secured assets.

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I googled, but thanks raykay.

Can you sell a house if this house itself is a security for future payment of loan that is raised for that house?

I mean getting rid of the property would be a solution. Or instead her taking those 2 loans on her name (if they are big enough) and if he has enouggh money he can tell he will continue repaying them if the property is going to be signed to his name.


Or it could be agreed at the bank that each month from their paycheck the bank automaticly takes off the exact amount of money that is needed for these expences on their joint account.


Or they could go to a lawyer to sign a contract in which they make some sort of agreement for paying those debts together.


Everything has to be on paper!

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I think this would depend more on the specifics of the loan lender...I believe you can sell the house, but you may be required to pay off the loan for example. The secured loan does not act as a "lien" or anything on the property, it is still theirs to do as they wish.


These are terms that tend to vary from institution to institution, so they would need to review the terms of their agreements/contracts.

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The only thing is that I don't want to sell the house, although I guess I may not have a lot of choice.


I'm just going to have to bite my lip tomorrow when she comes round and calmly mention that I thought we weren't going to go stupid with money until things are sorted. See what she has to say and take it from there.

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The only thing is that I don't want to sell the house, although I guess I may not have a lot of choice.


I'm just going to have to bite my lip tomorrow when she comes round and calmly mention that I thought we weren't going to go stupid with money until things are sorted. See what she has to say and take it from there.


Well, you can buy her part from her (of what she had paid so far). Maybe it can be arranged you do this by assuming the loan amount that this would cover, for example.


But, only if you can actually afford it.

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Is she someone that plays fair? If you lay put the facts in a straightforward non-emotional manner, will she assume her portion of responsibility?


Well, a few weeks ago I would have said yes. When she ended it, she said she didn't want a bad break up and force me to sell the house. However, she also agreed that she'd take it easy on the spending which she's obviously decided to change her mind on.


What's more annoying is that she said she's been doing lots of private work, which I bet she's been paying the money from that into her own account.


To be honest, I think I'm more annoyed by the fact that I'm unable to go out and have fun because I'm worried about the financial situation yet, a mere two weeks after she ended it, she's off having a fantastic time in one of Londons most expensive night spots. This makes me wonder who she was with and basically undoes 4 weeks of hard work where I've been keeping it together and moving on with my life.


I could do with a night out in London myself, but I'm sensible and know that money is tight at the moment. Why do I have to be the sensible, responsible one and she can get to act like this?

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The bank won't change anything that's 'joined' without permission from both parties. My friend was in the same situation when his girlfried still kept spending their,well HIS money months after they broke up.So be careful with this!!


He can go to court and have the acount frozen, and banks can supend any acount any time they like read the small print in your bank acount docs.

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Well that's a mess you're in but I'm sure there's a way out.


If you want to keep the house you need to buy her part of it. She on the other hand need to take her loans that are in your name and put them to her name. See if you cannot make a deal with her where the money you could owe her for the house would in part pay for the loans. That way she won't have to ask for a big loan and you will be able to sort your finance out. The best way to do it is to take a second mortgage on your house and pay out all your debts with it (not sure on the financial term, my first lang. is french).


About the money she spent I think you should not go over the wall with it but you definitly need to speak to her about it. It look like she's on a spending spree tho so she could do a lot more damage, you need to be careful.


The most important thing tho is to speak with your bank manager as soon as possible, they have some tricks in their hats that you cannot think of right now, see what you your options are. Also if you keep the house the bank will be a lot more friendly toward you and they will try to help you.

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The most important thing tho is to speak with your bank manager as soon as possible,


and probably a solicitor as well, I would think. If the loans are "in your name", then it seems to me that you have taken out the loans, and have then yourself lent the money to your ex, so you will probably be responsible for getting the money back.


You're also going to be jointly and severally liable for the contents of the bank account - which means you are responsible for the contents of the account, even if it's her that spends it. Got an overdraft / buffer zone?


If I were you then I'd call up a load of solicitors and see what advice you can just get over the phone. Frequently you can have a brief chat and get free advice. Of course if you've got some cash then go and see a specialist - my ex is a civil litigator working in this kind of field (well fraud actually, but same kind of financial shenannigans) and frequently gets bank accounts frozen etc.


IANAL. Best of luck!



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