he loses his erection ?

[ncriverrat]

Hi,

A problem in my relationship with my husband is that sometimes when we're fooling around he loses his erection. When that happens it usually ruins the night for both of us. I have been with 9 other guys and have never had this problem before.

This makes me feel really insecure about myself. It makes me feel unattractive and I think things like "maybe if I lost 10 more pounds he'd think I was more attractive". It also makes me feel self-conscious about my body and I don't like him to see me naked.

If this problem didn't happen, I would feel better about myself and our sex life. I don't know what's causing it, so the only thing I can think of is that he doesn't find me attractive. I've thought about other possibilities(i.e. stress from work) but if he is as attracted to me as he says he is, it shouldn't happen.

I guess I'm just maybe looking for advice on how to deal with my insecurities regarding this problem and other ideas as to what's causinig it(besdies my idea of me being unattractive)

 

Thanks!

[helpme2]

It happens to my husband, for a few years I let it "ruin the night" then we talked to his doctor about it and found out that it could be normal, under dr. advice we were told to "keep going" and sure enough his erection comes back after more foreplay.

 

The thing to remember is it's not you that causes it, and it's not him either. He has very little control over his penis, he gets erections when he doesn't want to, and sometimes can't get them when he wants to.

 

Telling him that it hurts your feelings only puts more pressure on him, because then he feels like both a failure and a bad husband.

 

I would talk to him about not letting it stop you guys from making out or whatever and try that a few times, then if it's still not working, talk to his doctor, it could be a simple problem.

[ncriverrat]

I feel like, for some reason, it's not normal. I guess because it's never happened with any other guy. I feel like if he was attracted to me, then he wouldn't lose it.

 

I hate when it happens, and he can see I'm upset, even if I don't say anything.

 

It doesn't happen too very often, but when it does, it does ruin it, and then we don't have sex for awhile because I feel self conscious.

 

I think things like "he must not like what he's seeing" or "maybe I'm too fat for him" which I know may very well not be the case, but you never know right? I guess I just feel like at 21 this shouldn't happen to him if he's into me like he says he is.

[DN]

He could go see the doctor about it to see if there is anything physical that could be causing it but chances are it is just the normal thing that happens to normal men at times.

 

It's almost certainly not about you - if it were it would probably happen all the time.

[ncriverrat]

Thanks for the replies! He went to the doctor and while he was there he mentioned the problem and the dr. kinda blew him off...I think he didn't take him seriously because he's only 21.

I am really insecure due to a relationship in my past, and I want to get over this. I try to tell myself that it's probably not me that's the problem, but it's hard to believe it when you're having sex and all of a sudden he just loses it.

[itsallgrand]

nc,

I understand your feelings. The first time a guy I was with lost his erection during a hot time, I felt that way too.

 

I can assure you it isn't about you at all. Like the others said, it might be something to go to the doctor about. Or he could be stressed. Or it just 'is' - it really does happen to all guys at some point or another!

 

Try a little visualization exercise. Close your eyes, imagine you are your hubby. You are with a beautiful woman who you love very much, she's sexy as !!% , you want to make love to her....then, you lose your erection. Feel how frustrating and humiliating that could be.

 

If you focus on him, insecurities dry up pretty fast. Next time you're about to make love and this happens, take a moment to focus on him. Give him a kiss, talk to him, smile at him, touch him...whatever feels right. Forget about yourself. See what happens....

 

Also keep in mind, that negative reactions/your insecurity about this can make it more difficult for him. So it's worth putting them to rest.

[Cardinal]

Thanks for the replies! He went to the doctor and while he was there he mentioned the problem and the dr. kinda blew him off...I think he didn't take him seriously because he's only 21.

I am really insecure due to a relationship in my past, and I want to get over this. I try to tell myself that it's probably not me that's the problem, but it's hard to believe it when you're having sex and all of a sudden he just loses it.

 

Stress is a major libido killer, second only to hormonal problems (low testosterone for example). He could have a hormonal problem but likely at his age it is more stress/anxiety related than anything else.

 

His level of attraction for you has nothing to do with this problem imo. The main thing you need to do is take the pressure off. Make it clear to him that it doesn't matter if he loses his erection. It IS completely normal for many men and doesn't even indicate a disorder necessarily.

 

If he feels any anxiety at all in the bedroom, that might kill his erection immediately. Once it has happened the fear and frustration of thinking it will happen again will indeed precipiate it. I have the same problem. If you are willing to take the pressure off and take enough time to learn how to best stimulate him to erection (blowjob, handwork, indirect stuff like kissing, biting, whatever), then he may not have a problem for long at all.

[helpme2]

I feel like, for some reason, it's not normal. I guess because it's never happened with any other guy. I feel like if he was attracted to me, then he wouldn't lose it.

he has no control over it, it's not about you. (keep repeating that "it's not about me")

 

I hate when it happens, and he can see I'm upset, even if I don't say anything.

so quit being upset

 

 

 

I think things like "he must not like what he's seeing" or "maybe I'm too fat for him" which I know may very well not be the case, but you never know right? I guess I just feel like at 21 this shouldn't happen to him if he's into me like he says he is.

quit telling yourself that, start being supportive and loving. Do you think he likes it when his penis doesn't do what he wants it to? if he loses his erection then do something else, you are going to have him for a long time, one or two nights of cuddling instead of sex really isn't going to kill you.

 

oh, and tell him to get a second opinion, maybe he has a health issue that he doesn't know about, at least he should get a complete physical.