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How can we know its Real Love?


winter2005
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You really cant tell until you get to know the person better. In the beginning, you are just only getting to know the person. But as time goes on and you spend more time together, getting to know each other, being around each other, you can get a sense of whether the person loves you or not, and is willing to be around for the long haul or not. You do that by watching their behaviour, not their words. Anybody can say anything and not mean it. But, how they behave around you, if they keep their word or not, is very significant of how they view and treat you.

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You really cant tell until you get to know the person better. In the beginning, you are just only getting to know the person. But as time goes on and you spend more time together, getting to know each other, being around each other, you can get a sense of whether the person loves you or not, and is willing to be around for the long haul or not. You do that by watching their behaviour, not their words. Anybody can say anything and not mean it. But, how they behave around you, if they keep their word or not, is very significant of how they view and treat you.

Yes, you're so right.

I've known my boyfriend for over a year before we started dating.

Just knowing who he is and how he is, I can tell how much he loves me.

He also says how much he's in love with me and everything.

I can tell he means it by the way he looks at me when he says it and his actions.

 

So... you pretty much have to know the person to really tell.

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Wow thanks for all the replies. Renissancewoman said "You do that by watching their behaviour, not their words. Anybody can say anything and not mean it." That really grabbed my attention because the guy I am with says a lot of BS. But his actions are opposite. He really cant control what he says but he can control what he does. The only thing that bothers him is the fact that our parents escp. his dont approve of this relationship.

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Okay, at 16 I told a guy that I liked him, and I mean, I didn't use a stronger word than like, but it was implied that it was stronger. He and I were friends and getting close with each other and very cutesy goofy with each other. There was enough coming from his side that made me at least have this feeling that he liked me. At the time, I had never had anybody show interest in me in the way he was showing me interest.

 

Now, through circumstances, he and I were not in a position to have a relationship at all. But, if we were allowed, I would have liked one. So, I tell the guy that I like him (it was in a birthday card of all things). He hugged me for the card and the gift I brought him (I actually used to make a special dessert that he likes for his birthdays) and then we talked for a little while and he said what I wrote was very sweet. He seemed a bit nervous or sheepish but he did not recoil and he did still hug me.

 

So anyhoo, about a week later I was just feeling a tad funny around him because of what I wrote and felt maybe it wasn't the right thing to do. I told him that I was sorry if I was a bit too forward with writing that and perhaps it wasn't right to do it as I did and so soon. Again, there were circumstances prohibiting any sort of relationship. He then sighed like a weight was coming off his chest and said he meant to bring it up (I could tell he was too nervous to start the conversation, though he is older than me by 9 years) but never did and he was glad I decided to. He said he was flattered by how I felt and that a relationship at the time would be wrong. He used "at the time."

 

Yet he and I after that day would continue to have an even closer friendship and we were never cowed by what went down and it didn't put a damper on anything. But, two years ago, about six months after this card incident, I found out he got himself a girlfriend because he and I were still prohibited. He didn't even want me to know he had one at first. And when i didn't react in a funny way to the news he took it as my being okay with it. I wasn't of course. He and I stayed friendly but after that he was distant with me and has been ever since. He is not the same goofy excited guy I once knew with me, though he is with everyone else. I am the only one who he reacts too with a dull, plain attitude whereas we used to be cutesy goofy with each other flirted quite a bit. That ended. And while he does still show he cares for me very much and has said that I am "very important" to him and he'll "never forget me", there is still this matter of how he really feels for me.

 

We stay in contact though i don't see him anymore because he moved and was supposed to get married last month. I did see him two months ago because I had a special occasion he came for, but since then he hasn't written nor emailed even though he was adamant that I write to him since he gave me two emails and his home address to write to. I don't understand how we could go from extremely friendly to the point that it was annoyingly cutesy and made other people wonder, to disconnected due to some kind of block he's put on me, yet he still insists on my keeping in contact with him and still shows that he cares for me. And now we would be in a position to have a relationship - with the small hiccup that he decided a year ago that that girlfriend of his was the one to get engaged to.

 

I wonder now if I am somehow "tempting" to him now and what that means in terms of his marriage? I knew him before her and now that he and I could have a relationship if he wasn't married, I wonder how that factors into things? It doesn't make sense for him to be so distant with me if he was 100% solid in his relationship. I don't see how someone could marry someone unless they were 100% and if I'm actually right and he is tempted by me, what does that mean for the future? Is he more liable to divorce? Be unhappy? Still have interest if we stayed in contact? And not that I'm looking to ruin their relationship - I just worry for what it could spell for him as he has said to me before that he doesn't want to ever have to divorce. Well, given other aspects of this marriage of his, it would seem like a possibility. But what I am just focused on is his distancing he and I and what that means to me.

 

Sorry for the long post.

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