Silent Rejection?

[Jonafon]

I really believed this girl was into me, so I arranged to meet up with her if I went to this party she was going to. I told her I probably wouldn't be able to go, but she told me to text her anyway later on to tell her what I was doing, and that next time we should arrange things more in advance. All seemed good tbh, and I felt I was onto a winner, what with all the signs and stuff she did in the past to show me she was interested, and her willing response to meet up with me at the party, or indeed another time.

However, I texted her saying I couldn't make it, but I was free the next day (today) if she wanted to go for a drink.

She didn't reply last night, and she still hasn't replied, and its almost the afternoon.

Normally if a girl doesn't reply i'd take it as her not being interested, but it just doesn't make sense for her to show so much interest then just not speak to me. I will see her at work soon, so you know, I would of thought she would tell me shes not interested, rather than leaving it like this knowing I will be working with her.

What do you think of this situation?

What do I do next?

[Bethany]

If I were you, I'd give it one last shot and text her. Tell her you're going some place tonight and ask if she would like to come along. Maybe she's got the huff at being rejected last night and needs reassurance that you still like her are still doing the running.

 

If she doesn't reply, put it down to experience and she just wasnt that into you, afterall.

[Dr]

I have to agree with Bethany on this.

 

Despite the fact she told you to let her know in the evening, she may of been silently hoping you would go with her. She might of felt let down/embarrassed and feels that you are not interested.

 

There is of course, also the possibility she has met someone else at the party and now doesn't know how to handle the entire situation.

 

Of course she could simple of lost her phone.

 

Women are hard to understand sometimes - I've had all the right signs from some women in the past but when it comes to the crunch they wern't actually interested. Some just seem to like to be flirty. I'm not suggesting that this girl is, but it's always a possibility.

 

Be careful not to let yourself get hurt. It's easy for us men to think we've met "The one" and then find out she doesn't have romantic intentions - It's very hard to swallow.

 

Doc

[DN]

If I were you, I'd give it one last shot and text her. Tell her you're going some place tonight and ask if she would like to come along. Maybe she's got the huff at being rejected last night and needs reassurance that you still like her are still doing the running.

 

If she doesn't reply, put it down to experience and she just wasnt that into you, afterall.

I agree - texting is unreliable and also some people might be offended at being texted about something like that. Call her this time.

[Bethany]

I did consider putting that, but texting seems easier and less heavy. Also it can hide his own rejection if things go wrong.

 

Whatever you do Jonafon,whether it's phoning or text... I'd definitely give it one last shot.

[rose2summer]

You didn't go to the party so she felt let down and you texted her to let her know, which is cheap, call instead, so she is letting you down now. Give her a few days then call her.

[Jonafon]

Thanks for your input, and does seem to make sense.

To be honest, I guess it might not seem that obvious that I like her, because of my laid back attitude towards her (for example if I was into her surely I would go no matter what, she may think) and generally I have been a bit of nasty person and kinda flirted with other women at work while shes been around and kind of don't flirt back with her at times, but this is becase i'm a little intimidated and so my naturally flirty personality turns into a more sophisticated personality around her. She may see this as me not being into her, but really im just a bit odd I guess - flirting with girls, then when I properly like them I feel too intimidated.

So yeah, I could see that she may not think i'm that into her, and maybe trying to use her. For example, me texting telling her I was free for a drink the next day may come off as a bit 'I don't really care but if you like me i'll get with you' kind of attitude.

Or indeed she may just not like me (maybe she grew tired of me stopping flirting) or something else.

 

But yeah thanks to your advice, i'll give her a call tomorrow, and try to sound really sorry etc, and that I really want to go for a drink with her etc.

 

Thank you.

[arco_GA]

dont think twice about it. i know how you feel bro. if she doesnt respond walk it off and move on. she is not worth it.

[Jonafon]

I called her again and we arranged another 'meet up', then I told her to stop messing me around and if she wasn't interested and to just say no. Then after a quite lengthy pause, (probably to laugh at me with her mate or something) she replied something about seeing someone else or something at the moment.

 

Glad its over, nothing gained nothing lost, but I don't like the fact shes blatantly lieing to me. TBH I think its kinda cruel how she wouldn't of 'rejected' and was happy to keep me wondering.

[finewhine]

IMO, you put too much pressure on her when you told her to stop messing around and to tell you if she wasn't interested. There's a good chance she's not seeing anyone else, but it's a good excuse to get out of something if she felt too much pressure, which she did because you made her make up her mind before she got to know you a little better.

 

Next time - no pressure. I agree with the other posters who explained how a text message could be misinterpreted. She probs. didn't think you were that into her, so asking her directly probs threw her for a loop.

 

I dunno, I could be wrong, but I definitely wouldn't make it a habit to ask anyone if they're interested. Figure it out for yourself next time. It's cooler.

[Jonafon]

finewhine, I understand what your saying but it wasn't like I said to her "do you love me?" or anything, I was basically saying if she doesn't wanna meet up dont tell me she will then cancel. Besides, surely is she wants to get to know me, meeting up with me would be best way to do this?

[finewhine]

Glad I'm not a guy! Because I'm not, I really don't know the right way to answer this. I guess, if I were you, I wouldn't *say* anything. I know that must be hard!