She's emotionally damaged...

[ThatsAmazing]

It's a pretty long story, so I'm sorry D:

 

Keep in mind that everyone in the story just graduated high school.

 

Her ex-boyfriend of one year was a total fool even up to the point when they broke up. When they broke up, I was there for her and comforted her. I had no intentions having a relationship with her but as time went on we loved each other and I was happier than ever, and so was she.

 

When we were together, I did many things I considered normal like buying her lunch, visiting her at work, buying her roses everytime I saw her, and going out of my way just to see her, even if I only get to see her for a second, it was worth it.

 

She said she wasn't use to all the attention because her ex-boyfriend would never do those things. The only time he bought her roses was when they broke up, he never told her she was beautiful or pretty, he only said she was "hot" so he was a total fool that doesn't know how to treat a lady.

 

She was the happiest she had ever been, all her friends were telling her so, and she was. I loved her being happy, we had a great time, no fights, no arguments, no negative energy, and we were a "hallmark" couple according to one of her friends.

 

The problem was her ex-boyfriend, who was in major denial. He would constantly call her; the record is 57 miss calls. The reason for calling her all the time? To yell at her. He would call her just to yell at her, after they were over. He wanted to know everything going on in her life and would tell her that any guy that talks to her is not worth her time, just because.

 

A restraining order was almost appointed to him because he called her house number and her mother picked up. He was crazy and would go out of his way to get to her.

 

I'm going to show everyone an online chat log that he was having with her one day, she copied and pasted these to me. Keep in mind that he considers her his best friend because he's in denial. Also, he considers the myspace top 8 to be rank friendship. She has(had) him in her top 8 because if she didn't leave him there, he would yell at her and she didn't want any unwanted drama.

 

Him (4:31:03 PM): you can't date (me) or (other friend) ever

Me: (4:52:07 PM): oh snap

Me: (4:52:10 PM): or else what

Her: (4:52:18 PM): because it's "rude"

Me: (4:52:22 PM): uh huh

Me: (4:52:28 PM): What did you tell him?

Her: (4:53:19 PM): I went off on him

Her: (4:53:20 PM): lets see

Her: (4:53:42 PM): Him (4:32:50 PM): * * * * you can't date them though

Him (4:33:00 PM): I would explode

Her: (4:33:00 PM): Who are you top say who I can and can't date

Her: (4:53:52 PM): Him (4:33:32 PM): What if [her best friend] and I went out

Him (4:33:34 PM): exactly

Her: (4:33:40 PM): If you were both * * * *ing happy

Her: (4:33:44 PM): I guess that's the difference between you and I

Him (4:33:48 PM): * * *

Him (4:33:55 PM): You have no code of honor

Her: (4:33:59 PM): * * *

Me: (4:54:01 PM): what

Me: (4:54:04 PM): Ridiculous

Me: (4:54:05 PM): Ignore him

Her: (4:54:08 PM): Her: (4:34:59 PM): you can't * * * *ing define what I do

Him (4:35:12 PM): I'M NOT TRYING TO CNOTROL YOU DAMN IT

Her: (4:35:17 PM): you're spitting out all of these rules what the * * * *

Her: (4:35:21 PM): no * * * * that

Me: (4:54:08 PM): That's so stupid

Me: (4:54:20 PM): hypocrite laffo

Her: (4:54:23 PM): Him (4:37:06 PM): Don't date like a * * * *

Him (4:37:10 PM): Dump me and date a friend?

Him (4:37:12 PM): * * * * that

Her: (4:37:14 PM): CH

Him (4:37:28 PM): So then?

Him (4:37:32 PM): Christ

Him (4:37:37 PM): You act like I'm oppressing you

Him (4:37:42 PM): I'M SAYING DON'T BE A * * * *

Her: (4:54:32 PM): Him (4:37:52 PM): Have some damn morality

Her: (4:37:54 PM): CH

Him (4:37:58 PM): Anyways

Him (4:38:00 PM): Moving on

Her: (4:38:03 PM): * * * * * * *

Her: (4:47:37 PM): LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT

Him (4:47:38 PM): BFF

Him (4:47:41 PM): ?

Her: (4:47:46 PM): WHAT IF I HAD A BEST FRIEND WHEN I WAS WITH YOU HUH

Her: (4:47:58 PM): SRRY [his name] CANT GO OUT IM WITH MY BFF

Her: (4:48:05 PM): [his name] MY BFF NEEDS ME I NEEDA GO NOW KTHX

Her: (4:48:10 PM): you shut up

Her: (4:48:13 PM): you'd trip out so much

Him (4:52:41 PM): YES WE'RE GONNA ACT LIKE THAT

Her: (4:52:41 PM): * * * *

Him (4:52:42 PM): BUT

Her: (4:52:48 PM): SO STEP OFF

Him (4:52:54 PM): I'm * * * *ING ONE on your top 8 damn it

Her: (4:53:01 PM): SHUT UP WITH MYSPACE

Her: (4:57:48 PM): Him (4:54:17 PM): You're going to push me aside when you get a boyfriend?

Him (4:54:20 PM): What the hell is that

Him (4:54:29 PM): This is why you don't have a best friend

Her: (4:54:49 PM): Maybe I should have a * * * *ing best friend then.

Her: (4:54:54 PM): shouldn't *

Him (4:55:00 PM): * * *

Him (4:55:05 PM): Are you basiclaly telling me off?

Her: (4:55:11 PM): SINCE I SEEM LIKE I'M GOING TO BE OH-SO HORRIBLE AT IT

Him (4:42:02 PM): [her name] do you know what the hell happens when you turn off the phone?

Him (4:42:07 PM): When you're not on AIM, can't call you

Him (4:42:10 PM): I DRIVE THE HELL TO YOUR HOUSE

Him (4:42:18 PM): AND OPEN YOUR DAMN WINDOW

Him (4:42:21 PM): So * * * *, you better pick up

Her: (4:42:27 PM): don't come to my house

Him (4:42:32 PM): Exactly.

Him (4:42:35 PM): If you don't want me to come

Him (4:42:38 PM): You'll pick up the phone

Him I'll counter your rude thing with another rude thing

Him SO Don't BE RUDE

Him And you know damn well if I don't get ahold of you I WILL drive there.

Her I DOn"T TRY TO CLIMB INTO PEOPLE'S WINDOWS WHEN THEY AREn'T WANTED

Him I will if you don't pick up, or if you hang up on me.

Her I won't let your * * * in

Him Yes you will

Him Anyways

Her SAY HELLO TO RESTRAING ORDER IF YOU WAKE THE PARENTS

Him Then your'e a * * * *

Her Hey you're the one that woke them up, not me

Him You could have avoided it all

Him BY NOT HANGING UP

 

Yes. He actually has driven to her house just to climb into her window so he can yell at her, on multiple occasions. On one occasion, he tried hugging and kissing her, along with touching her, but she pushed him away and didn't let him in. The reason she doesn't just ignore him is because she doesn't like the feeling of being hated, I can't do anything about that so that's why she doesn't ignore him completely all the time.

 

Even though this was going on, we were still happy together and having loads of fun, the problem was this one week. During this one week, her mother was being crazy as usual and told her she was useless and will never amount to anything dispite her working and going to college. Anyway, her mother took away her internet, and cellphone so I lost connection with her for a week. I don't like being rude by going to her house when I'm not invited so I never drove over there during that week. I missed her dearly and had no idea what was going on but she managed to e-mail me at work.

 

During that one long week without contact with her gave her a lot of time to think. She was thinking "oh no [me] must miss me a lot" but when she thought that, she started to think of her ex-boyfriend who would usually get mad in a situation like this and went "oh no, he must be mad at me" which started to make her mad. In the e-mail, she said that she can't be in a relationship with anyone because she would constantly think of her ex-boyfriend and would want to smash his face in. That broke my heart, because I had no idea that the last time I said "I love you" to her would be the last ever. I was crushed, the last kiss, the last hug, the last goodbye and the last time I saw her eyes...I would've never thought that would be the last time.

 

When I was with her, she would forget about him and always be happy..but during the one week away from each other gave her time to think..which wasn't good. She didn't know how she felt about me anymore and was bothered if she saw me. Everytime we talked online, she would seem bothered talking to me..so I told her that if she wanted to talk to me, she could, but I won't bother her. It was about 3 days when she IM'd me and told me that her ex-boyfriend was once again harassing her. This time though, she told him all the bad things that have been happening to her..I have no idea why she would when it's bad news to talk to him. What he said were things like, "you deserve it" and laughed at her. She snapped.

 

My head was turning and I didn't know how to feel as she told me these things. She said she didn't care anymore, didn't care about anyone or anything. I shouldn't talk to her anymore because she'll just hurt me. I went to her friends for advice and they told me to give it some time for her to heal...I did, and she did heal....but the feelings for me were gone. I texted her asking if were romantically over, and as friends. She said romantically, yes but not as friends.

 

The problem is that she doesn't treat me like a friend...she talks to me coldly as if I was her ex-boyfriend. I've treated her with the most respect and kindness but I didn't deserve the way she was treating me.

 

Anyway..she's emotinally damaged and can't even have a relationship with this guy anymore..I have to let her go..I know that. But I can't even see her one last time so I can say bye.

 

When we were together, she would tell me everything she does..but now..unless I talk to her first, she would tell me these things..So it's obvious she doesn't want to talk to me at all in the first place.

 

The reason I'm posting this is because I just need some sort of advice..to help her..and me.

 

Currently, I've blocked her on AIM and blocked her myspace on my computer so I can't look at it if I wanted to....it'll only make me weaker in my healing.

 

I'm sorry if anyone is confused or doesn't get a certain part of the story, say so please so I can elaborate, I'm writing whatever I can and it hurts to think of all this.

 

Thank you for your time.

 

ps. I'm going to write up the first time we realized we were in love just because it makes me feel good everytime I tell someone..so it's not important to the story, you don't have to read it.

 

The day we realized we were in love.

 

Her and I go to different schools. I planned to pick her up after school and go to lunch, her treat, because she wanted to.

 

I woke up late for school and saw that she texted me. She alway texted me in the morning to say good morning because we were really good friends, I comfort her in her relationship and she would comfort me in whatever problems I was in. This time though, the text mesage wasn't a good morning. She was asking for help.

 

She had ditched school and went into a neighborhood in front of the school because she didn't want to see him that day...but he was there too. I got out of my house and into my car and sped all the way to the neighborhood and tried to find her. She sent me a text saying that he was following her and couldn't get him off her tail. She told me to wait. I waited.

 

I had found a spot where they couldn't see me and I saw them standing there and talking to each other. They were even hugging..and it was really hurting me because I didn't want to see her get hurt anymore..but I didn't want to intefere.

 

2 hours pass.

 

They were finally done and I picked her up and I just drove. I didn't know where to drive and she wasn't talking. I decided to just get far away as possible from him, when I remembered that she loved the beach. As I was driving to the beach, I held her hand all the way..it felt great.

 

She was finally talking at the time and telling me everything that happened while crying. They had talked and she told me that he had came to her house the day before and yelled at her. I got mad but there was no time to get mad, I wanted to make her feel comfortable so I tried to calm her down with whatever came on my mind.

 

When I finally got to the beach, it was freezing cold so I gave her my jacket and held her as we walked to the beach.

 

In one of her classes, she jokingly put "long walks on the beach" in her resume under "interest." So the first thing I said when we got there was,

 

"So I read your resume and it seems that you like long walks on the beach?"

 

She smiled. She was happy. We talked about the beach and I was enjoying every moment of it. I never imagined that I would ever actually have a long walk on the beach with anyone but it happened. The beach was empty so that made the experience even better. It's the best feeling ever to walk along the beach with a wonderful person.

 

When we were done, we headed back to my car and went to lunch as we had planned. As we were eating, she was even happier than before. It was a great feeling, I made a person's day from bad to wonderful.

 

After we ate, we headed back to my house where she laid down on my bed to rest. I laid down alongside with her and we stared into each others eyes and hugged each other. I held her tight and made her happy. I loved this feeling. As we were talking in bed, she looked at me and we kissed.

 

Right there and then, I knew we loved each other.

 

Although everything was going great, there was still a problem. Her ex-boyfriend sent her a text message(he never texts her), saying he bought her flowers and left it on her doorstep. This is the only time he bought her flowers. She started to cry so I held her and told her that everything would be okay. He calls her and she picks up..I was heart broken..

 

Many things were going through my mind. Are they going to get back together? What's going on? But if that's what she wanted to do, I wouldn't stop her, I held her hand as she was talking to him. She finally finished talking to him and tells me that there's still some things not settled yet. She tells me that she wants to see him, and I was suppose to drive.

 

I didn't want to do it. I was going to lose her. But this is what she wanted. She was going to go over to his house so they can talk, and I was going to wait outside his house until she finished. I didn't want her to forget about me so I told her to be strong and came up with an idea. When she wasn't looking, I sprayed extra cologne on my hand so when I drive I could hold her hand and spread the smell on her hand.

 

I arrive at his house and she went in, but not before she hugged me. She told me that I didn't have to wait, I wanted to. 2 hours pass and I get a text message saying that he will drive her home. Fine, but please be strong.

 

Later on that day, I talked to her online and she tells me that the cologne worked, and when she smelled it, it made her strong. I was glad.

 

The rest is history. We were in love.

 

Also,

 

Me: (10:29:45 PM): your hair in my bed

Her: (10:30:55 PM): gah

Her: (10:30:56 PM): sorry

Her: (10:30:56 PM): =\

Me: (10:31:01 PM): it's okay D:

Me: (10:31:11 PM): i can use it for my voodoo doll

Her: (10:31:15 PM): omg ;-;

Me: (10:31:28 PM): to make you smile each time you're sad!

Me: (10:31:29 PM):

Her: (10:32:53 PM):

Her: (10:32:55 PM): aww

Her: (10:32:59 PM): you're so sweet ^___________^

Me: (10:33:10 PM): aww thanks ^__^

Her: (10:33:10 PM): [girl that I use to like] doesn't know what she's missing =\\\\\\\\\\

Her: (10:33:18 PM): You're just so awesome to me and ahhhh

Me: (10:33:22 PM): D:

Me: (10:33:24 PM):

Me: (10:33:47 PM): And [ex boyfriend] is missing out for being insane

Me: (10:33:57 PM): ps thanks

Her: (10:34:14 PM): =]

Her: (10:34:21 PM): I dunnnno

Her: (10:34:23 PM): Thanks isn't enough

Her: (10:34:31 PM): I wouldn't be coping so well if it weren't for you D:

Her: (10:34:38 PM):

Me: (10:34:45 PM):

 

Ah..good times.

[ThatsAmazing]

Ah, also, I don't really care if she doesn't love me anymore. I just want her to be happy like she was before..so I can only hope that can she can heal and become that way..with or without me. Even if she has to hate me...as long as she's happy.

[Cid]

The was long I am glad I am a speed reader. Now I think it is nice of you to say you want her to be happy even if it is with out you. But the question is can you be happy with out her?

[bhzmafia]

Are you two actually in a relationship? / were you? I either missed that, or you didnt say so...

[Cid]

It is hard to say I have reread the thred 2 times now, my problem is to much enfomation all at once.

[RandomAdvisor]

The reason I'm posting this is because I just need some sort of advice..to help her..and me.

 

 

Help yourself by realizing that you should not even be thinking about helping her.

 

Her situation is unfortunate, but her happiness is her responsibility, not yours.

 

You have already done some good things like blocking her on Myspace and AIM and I really must commend you for that. Not many people after a breakup have the good sense and the strength to do that. However, you have to take it a step further. You need to block her out of your life completely - No Contact. If you read old threads on this site you will see us talk about NC a lot. It is best in situations where reconciliation is not possible and or not advisable. In your case I would say it is both.

 

By continueing to see her and speak to her in anyway, you are only delaying your healing by giving her more opportunities to be cold to you, and forcing you to analyze her actions.

 

Word of advice for the future: never get into a relationship with someone who is just coming off of a bad breakup. I've read stories like yours numerous times, and they all could have been avoided. People like your ex are just not capable of being in a stable relationship because they have their own issues to work out. The kinds of things her ex is doing to her are downright criminal, and only someone with the kind of self esteem and dependency problems your ex has would stand for it.

 

She was your first love, and losing her must hurt a lot. You feel responsible even though rationally you know you are not. The best thing for you to do is try your best to keep yourself busy with hobbies work and other activities. Go with NC and take the time to yourself to heal. Realize that her happiness is her responsibility, and you should not concern yourself with her. And brace yourself for the possibility of her wanting you back (this often happens after NC is initiated). Taking her back would be a huge mistake - things would end the same way again and you would only hurt yourself more.

[ThatsAmazing]

Sorry for not making it clear, yeah, we were together. Thanks for the advice some_guy282, you're right. I always thought about making her happy first but you're right, it's her own happiness not mine.

 

I was only planning to block her on AIM for a week, for both our sanity, but I think that's going to change.

 

Edit - I guess it's just hard for me because I'm walking away from her while she's down. Bah. Oh well.

 

Thanks again.

[RandomAdvisor]

It's only natural for you to feel sympathy for her. She is in a bad spot and you two once shared some great times together. But feeling sympathy for her shouldn't prevent you from doing what you know you should.

[Momene]

Think roses all the time is a bit OTT and is bordering on obsession and dependency, so she may have found over-attention a turn off.

 

Apart from that, you did well and are caring, so take that with you to the next relationship.

[mike424]

I've been here before. Pretty much identical to this situation of yours. I was dating this girl and i was absolutely in love with her. But she still had feelings for her ex bf and she was continually being hit on by other guys, and she hit on them back. She never did anything with them, but she accepted their flirtation and that eventually led to her being raped. But that's another story. Basically my advice to you would be to find another relationship and not dwell on this. After some time, that's what i did...it was hard as hell and quite honestly i was never really the same afterwards. I still have feelings for her, yes...and we've even gone so far as to start dating again afterwards (which is where we're at right now). But even now, i question whether this is what either of us wants and it hurts like hell to think that our tank is starting to run on empty. But college is coming up for me too, and who knows what that will bring. Sooo many things are going to change for you...so many things...

 

Keep your chin up.

[ThatsAmazing]

Condolences man

 

My Ex isn't used to being hit on because she just isn't use to it. So whenever someone flirts with her, she doesn't know what to do but does the nicest thing, which is go along with whatever the guy is teling her, ie "write down your phone number" her: huh wha?..uh..okay?

 

She's too nice to say no and isn't really experience with the whole flirting thing since her last 2 boyfriends were horrible people(first one raped her , 2nd one you all just read). So I'm worried she'll hurt herself without someone being there to protect her but you're right..I just have to let her go.

 

Go me.

 

Edit - Oh yeah, some of her friends have been talking to me and it appears that she's normal and talkative like she use to be which is good I guess but I was wondering; let's say I finally get over her, should I unblock her and maybe talk to her or something? Or should I just disappear from her forever?