HELP! I can't stop thinking about my ex & his latest fli

[lsubaby21]

My ex-boyfriend and I were together for 3 years and let's just say that is has been a rocky road. I am 22 and about to graduate from college and he is 22 and has had 7 different cooking jobs since I've been with him ( No stability).Things were great the first year and then we moved in together too quickly and things went downhill. But we survived it after deciding to live separately. We even survived being in two different cities for 2 years. He is my first love and I still love him very much. But he hurt me a lot and I began to have serious trust issues with him. And I believe that the lack of trust ultimately killed us in the end. However, about 3 weeks ago (before we broke up) he began a new job and before this new job, we were actually in a good patch in our relationship. But very soon after, he began to act distant and cold until finally he told me that he needed a break. That he couldn't maintain a successful relationship and a successful job at the same time. Which I thought was bull. But he still wanted to talk to me every night. We didn't see eachother though. Well then he turned into this party animal going out every night with people from work. It drove me crazy until I said enough and I said we should not talk anymore. But ofcourse I called him and found out that he is already seeing someone else. Not even a week and he's seeing someone else! I am numb with frustration. Now I feel that he was distant because he was thinking about someone else. Now all I do is think about the two of them together. I cry all day because I have no closure and can't get him out of my mind. It's ruling my life. I feel like this will never end. I miss him soooo much. I would love any advice from anyone about how I can control my thoughts and try to move on. Thanks

[bzborow1]

Hi there,

 

Thanks for coming to enotalone for advice, this site has helped me as well as a lot of others. Let me first start off by saying my EX did almost same thing to me by jumping into a relationship 2 days after we broke up (5 yr relationship).

 

It's clear that your EX boyfriend is not going to give you closure, and to some guys this is always intentional. People who do not end relationships properly and with finality are weak as far as I'm concerned. It follows the, "the grass is greener on the other side" philosophy -- and I think the reason they do not seek closure is because they're not actually convinced it's better on the other side yet. That is, he's stringing it along to see what else is out there, if he doesn't like it he'll likely be back.

 

I think then that you should get closure for yourself, don't allow him to control you. By control I'm saying you shouldn't be waiting for him to say "itz really over....no more...go away, etc". You don't have to tell him you don't want to talk to him anymore, just don't. It's REALLY tough because you are used to him in your life, but I can assure you it does get better. Eventually you'll start to do things without having to worry about anyone else (bf's), which to me sounds like a very liberating experience!!!!

 

Good luck!

 

Bill

[Smokeycat]

I've been through this recently. I didn't live with my bf and I'm younger than you are, but we were together for 3 years. It was great in the beginning...after a year and a half, things began to become an emotional rollercoaster. I broke up with him last month and had no closure with him. We talked online and he called me occasionally. Two weeks later he tells me he's dating a new girl. It truly hurt me b/c of all the things we had been talking about after we broke up. I cried and was hurting so much that I literally made myself sick. Now, I've found someone new and my ex is totally running after me. He keeps callin me and he tells me his new gf is up his butt all the time. My ex and I had a fling last week and he keeps asking me over again...having one fling actually helped me feel a lot better. Maybe you should see him once more and tell him that you need closure. Hopefully he'll agree to it...try to make it romantic and make a lasting memory. After that...FIND A NEW GUY!!!! My new bf is REALLY helping me mend my heart and forget about my ex. Go out and have fun...forget about him! Meet new people and enjoy life. There's someone out there that's worthy of you!

[hollyhoney83]

As I read the posts, I see how similar breakups can be because basically the same thing that happened to you guys happened to me. I met a guy my senior year of hs...we continued to date, and he broke up with me 3 days before our 2 year anniversary. He didn't actually break up with me but he broke off our engagement, and said that he needed to think about things. I even asked him if we were breaking up and he said no...anyways I came home a week or two later and found another girl there. I was devastated not only because he was my first love but he was like my only bf. Anyways we got back together after he and that girl broke up, but there were trust issues. We played the on again off again relationship, because for some reason he just wasn't happy anymore, and all the times were the same. He'd tell me he's need space and within two days he would be with someone else. For some reason though he just couldn't let me go. Somehow, someway, we would always end up back together. Well back to the present...about 2 or 3 weeks ago he and I broke up again. I could see that he wasn't happy and I agreed to let him have his "space" little to my knowledge he'd already met another girl and even started seeing her while we were still broken up. That hurt, just because he didn't have to lie about it which he did. Now don't get me wrong, I wasn't the perfect gf, I mean there we sometimes I'd like to him about stupid things and I would always want to spend time with him, but I expected he wanted that also, boy was I wrong. Finally I realized that he and I had to stop plalying this game and I told him to leave me alone...I got my number changed and everything...well he constantly leaves me offline messages telling me that he misses me, and that it hurts him that we don't work out because his heart says that he loves me but his head knows the best thing for us to do is not be together. Anyway, so he's telling me all this and he's seeing this other girl. In a recent event, he told me to move on, then asked me about hanging out with him, which inevitably leads to one thing. . I am so confused, I know if he's asking me to leave him alone, it should be COMPLETELY, but for some reason he has to keep talking to me...when I try not to talk to him he finds a way to talk to me....help!