What To Make Of Her Contact????

[guy0221]

Always remembering that a relationship can not be built without two "complete individuals" who are strong on their own before getting together... that is a "fact".

 

Thank you for that. I truly believe this as well.

 

Last night, she called me and I answered. She sat in silence alot and it was hard for her to get things out. I asked her why she called. She said she needed to hear my voice to confirm that she still loved me. I asked her what she wanted...she had no answer. It felt to me like she was wanting me to tell her that I would take her back if she wanted to come back. I told her all I could do was listen to her if she came to me and told me what it was she wanted.

 

If that was getting back together, then I would listen to her and have questions of my own. I told her I could not just say, "yep, i'll take you back no questions asked." I kept reaffirming the fact that she should come to me and take that risk if and only if, she is SURE SHE WANTS TO BE WITH ME.

 

I felt good telling her that...really good. I'm just going to live life and if she comes to me with those words...I'll listen and go from there. I did tell her that i cannot help her with any confusion because she chose to do it by herself...only figuring it out alone will make her stronger and complete.

 

Thanks again for the posts.

[Royltnxile]

Blender and Tyler are spot on. This girl is a "whack job". That email she sent you was indeed all about her. She wants your validation, and her ego boosted by you telling her how great she is..etc..etc...

 

She crapped all over you, yet she still wants you to stroke her ego. She wants to know you are there in case she changes her mind. Nothing I read in that email indicated to me that she was serious in getting back together, and until she says that directly and clearly, then I wouldn't have a damn thing to do with her.

 

Then there's the added little problem that she's really not sure if she likes men or women???????????????? Walk away from this one, man! Let her get her head sorted out.

[lady00]

I think that was a good move on your part...BUT I think you need to back it up with not beating around the bush if she calls again. If she calls you again, don't let her offload on you about her confusion or anything else she is dealing with. If you need to, remind her that she needs to figure that out on her own and only come to you if she has thought it all through and is interested in getting back together. Don't let her string you along by calling just to hear your voice and all that nonsense.

[guy0221]

I'm pretty sure that the gist of the call was her feeling me out to see if I would actually take her back.

 

I held my ground and kept reiterating the fact that I would only be able to LISTEN if she wanted to try again. I will have to have some questions answered about her thought process, sexuality, situation with her female friend, and reasons that she wants me back.

 

If any of these answers come back as "uh ohs", I would be very hesitant to accept her. I feel good in my mind right now. I believe I am finally at a place where I know what I want...and know what I would need from her in order to try again.

 

Thanks again everyone.

 

ps: This girl is a "whack job". Walk away from this one, man!

 

I'm not sure you can make this premonition from one email that I chose to post on here. In her defense, imagine moving home after being in a foreign country for 10 months, having your best girl friend fall in love with you, and trying to please a boyfriend who has eagerly awaited your return.

 

I feel for the girls predicament...it still is no excuse to treat me like she did...but I'm starting to understand.

[tylercdurden2004]

I'm pretty sure that the gist of the call was her feeling me out to see if I would actually take her back.

 

Remember that this does not mean SHE will take YOU back.

[_Ramirez_]

The degree of maturity you show in all your replies makes me think that you could be on the side of giving advices instead of receiving them. A forum is limited in many ways and the advice we can give you are only based on the lines you wrote about you situation, not about the whole picture of your life.

 

The fact that you don't want to manipulate her in a time of need make a gentleman out of you and the way you handle your situation is the best possible way. Be firm and make sure you don't initiate contact and she will come to you when she will be ready. The fact that you understand why she did that will help come to terms with it and you should keep on trying to be in "her shoes" for a while, it will help a lot if you two go back together.

 

Sometimes you need to be hurt and alone to really begin to know yourself and the voyage she began when she left you to discover herself is not over yet. Be patient and most importantly be kind if ever she decide to come back she's having a rought time being alone and from what I gather she's not the kind of girl that is used to it

 

Anyway I wish you the best of luck but I know you won't need it, being strong and confident in yourself made you win something invaluable and that made the whole situation you're in worth it.

[guy0221]

Thanks Ramirez.

I want to clarify that I understand the purpose of this forum and that members could never know the whole situation. I really appreciate the feedback as it helps me clear up my thoughts.

 

I am going to be patient although sometimes it feels like I am waiting on her to come back. When I am not busy with friends or family, it really feels like that. I imagine that with time, that feeling will cease and I will have healed myself. I think I have come a long way in the past 4 weeks. Like I said, I am at a place now where I would be willing to listen if she wanted to come to me. Before, I probably would have just embraced her back in my life without evaluating the possible consequences.

 

This forum has helped me realize the "right" way to go about healing myself and at the same time, holding out hope for her.

 

Thanks again.