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Hey everyone,

I was thinking about something today while I was at work. Is it good to remain independent in a relationship?

 

Im a really independednt woman and I have noticed I dont like it when the man pays for me, it makes me feel... uncomfortable. Ive told them, some find it offensive, others liked it.

 

Oh another thing... who here talks on the phone with their boy/girl friends everyday? What do men think of this??

 

Thanks!

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Easy answer: it's good if your boyfriend is also independent but if he is clingy or average, it won't work. I'm married and travel on business but will talk to my wife and daughter every day while I'm away. My wife and I are more clingy than average, so that side of it is OK for us but it wouldn;t work for you or many other people.

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I really don't like the idea of a lady paying for dates at all, I may be old fashioned... but I think the man who should be the one who uses his paycheck. I wouldn't let a girl pay, I would be offended if she did... and I find it a real turn-off... Then again, if you are both comfortable with it then there wouldn't be a problem with it.

 

As for lots and lots of communication it was about four months prior and while I was seeing my ex we use to talk for an hour or two everynight, and text message each other during the day also. I don't think there is anything wrong with it... She didn't either. Communication is what keeps the relationship alive!

 

PR

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Momene got it right. Yes, it is good to be independent, but not if your guy is not also independent.

 

As far as paying, when I pay, I want to pay. But that does not mean I want to pay all the time. I hate splitting checks, but enjoy it if she decides to take me out.

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Well, I guess this depends on what your version of independent is!

 

Yes, I do believe being independent and being an individidual is important. I believe this relates not just to being able to support yourself, but also to having your own passions, friends, personal goals that you maintain and pursue. Basically, you are still two people whom choose to be together, not two people whom forget their own identities.

 

As for paying, I think it is fine to pay your way now and then, but I would recommend that you pay for the dates sometimes, and they pay for others. I have a feeling you may not like it as you feel indebted to them then...but you aren't. If someone offers, they genuinely want to treat you...and you deserve it! But that does not mean you can't also treat them the next time either.

 

As for talking on the phone - well we live together so we talk everyday. When we are away from one another due to business trips or something where we have access to some communication (when one of us is off camping or adventure racing we may not be able too do this!), we will generally email or call once a day. But, if it does not happen we definitely don't think they don't care anymore..lol. We genuinely love being with one another, and love to spend time together, but we have a good balance in our life where we also do have our own individual lives too.

 

However, I have also been in other relationships, and some we talked everyday, some we didn't. I don't really believe in long phone conversations....save that for in person (though with LDRs there is some leeway there, been there and done that too!). Phone is basically just to touch base and make plans in my opinion.

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I think independence is great, that way you can hold your own. I, however, am working on it because I lost mine in my last relationship. I think you respect yourself more and people respect you more if you are independent, but you still want to make sure your partner feels loved and cared for.

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