After 2 1/2 years he does this...

[skygirl]

Just 2 weeks ago my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years ended our relationship because he says he only wants a friendship with me. That something is missing and all this only happened within a couple of weeks.

 

When we met he had only been divorced 6 months before but supposedly she still lived there a couple of months (I just learned this yesterday). He's telling me that we met too soon and went to fast. Now he needs time to be alone to sort things out. To figure out what he wants. He says I'm a terrific girl, 100% devoted, everything he's ever want but he can't open up to me and it's not fair to treat me like that. Ok, understandable, but after you've been together 2 1/2 years? I don't understand that.

 

Throughout our time together he said that we would marry someday when the time is right...he told me he loved me, we had relations, spent all kinds of time together and now this. I don't understand the timing of this.

 

He says there isn't anyone else and I never even thought that. He just wants to be friends with me. He doesn't want to lose that because we share a special bond. He doesn't want a relationship with anyone right now. Only friendship.

 

He's asking me to remain friends...that we can still get together and do things. I don't know if this is what should happen. I don't want to lose him. In 1 way I am hoping that if we stay friends that in the end we will get back together (he says it could happen but he doesn't know if and when that would be). The other way is telling me to forget him. That he will never give himself to me and I should move on.

 

We didn't have a fight or anything. I am so confused about the timing of all this. How can he just out of the blue do this....we've got way to much time invested and is he throwing that all away? He say's it's not throwing it away if we remain friends.

 

Whatever his reasons, he feels this is something that he needs to do. I have no choice but to let him have his time.

 

I feel completely lost. I truly am trying to remain friends because I don't want to lose him in that way either. In the back of my mind I am hoping that after he takes some time that he will want to get back together. Maybe I am crazy for thinking this but it can happen, can't it? Our relationship can be that much stronger then if that should happen.

 

In your opinions, what should I do? Remain his friend and still keep the hope that we can get back together, remain his friend with no thoughts of getting back with him or move on totally without him in my life at all? I truly feel that I want him in my life 1 way or another because we do get along so well....I am just co sonfused right now.

[Lady Bugg]

Hmmmmm...this sounds fishy to me. After 2/1/2 years he suddenly needs "time" to figure out what he wants..and to remain "friends"? I hate to be a skeptic.....but I would not eliminate the possibility that there is another person involved here. Just my gut instinct from what you've told us. I know it's tempting to be his "friend"..and hope he comes back...but he wants to break up with you. He is "demoting" you basically..and then making requests on top of it. Do you want to be second best after being his g/f after all this time? Can you handle it?? These are things to consider before making your final decision.

 

I wish you the best......

[Fisch]

Welcome to enotalone. This is way more than fishy. I am rather sure that staying friends will be one of the worst things you can do in this situation. Firstly, he said that "it isnt fair to you", well I dont think he isnt doing you any favors by saying that he does not want to be with you but he wants to keep you on a string as a friend in case he decides he wants you back. BIG NO NO. On the other hand maybe he is not even thinking that he will want you back. If you let him do that, you would be heading down a path that would make you appear very submissive and undesirable. If you have strong romantic feelings for him, it does not make sense to try and be his friend only. Obviously nobody is going to say the exact nature of his actions, and it really doesnt matter. Either way, he is obviously unsure if he wants to be with you. If you want the best chance of getting him back and of healing if you dont, you have to show him that you arent messing around. Giving him an ultimatum with pride and yet expressing your feelings of love without begging or chasing, respecting his space, and focusing on taking care of yourself, will show him the real you. This is despite all the things you will yearn to do like beg and send emotional calls. Ultimately I would give him some time with the attitude I mentioned, but set a time limit, and if after that point he still just wants to be friends initiate no contact until your romantic feelings have died down. Granted the final decision to stay friends is up to you, I am merely giving advice on experience and countless similar situations I have seen on this website.

[25thfloor]

I would run. run really really fast. when you date someone that is separated, you very well might be the transitional woman. they don't think that you are, they love you, want a future with you, etc...but when they are finished licking their wounds and getting their strength back, you remind them of the past. they want a fresh start. someone that didn't see all the clinks in the amour (sp?)..you'll see it all over this board, me included, that tried to be friends....you end up breaking up as friends when the new woman takes you place. and i wouldn't assume that he already has someone....he just wants to prowl. i just went through this crap 67 days ago....but i'm not counting!! hang in there.

[Riggz41510]

I got into another relationship real quick.. The girl was everything that I wanted in a woman except one thing.. She wasn't my ex.. I looked at all I had sacrificed to make things work with my ex and all the pain it caused when we finally ended it.

 

I vowed to myself to never let myself get so attached to another woman that I literally feel I can't be without her..

 

Maybe he never really got a chance to get over his ex and do the dating thing.. Maybe they are trying to re-kindle(him and the ex) something and he doesn't want to break it on you so harsh.. Whatever the reason is take him for what he says.

[lady00]

Absolutely 100% DO NOT be his friend! You will feel awful and he will eventually begin dating someone else while you hope for reconciliation. Tell him thanks but no thanks to the friendship and do not contact him. It's going to be really hard at first but then it gets easier and easier.