Problem associated with super attractive ex...

[PRSOV]

As some of you may know my story from past threads. I now feel somewhat free from any emotional pain now from my ex. I haven't spoken to her in about a week, the last few times she has called I have used willpower and stopped myself from answering the phone... talking to her is only going to cause problems for me, and I know if there is any more messing around with her it will interfere with my studies. Sometimes that makes me feel good because I feel like I have more control, not like an upper hand thing... It just shows that she still misses me.

 

My ex was everything I ever wanted in terms of a partner, I actually saw myself being totally 'committed' to her in terms of having a relationship where I had never ever felt this way before in any of my previous relationships. I always thought she was absolutely gorgeous/beautiful and I could not find one flaw with her body, it was amazing to me, I never wanted to be with anyone else. She has the most perfect body, I know she thought she was fat and ugly... I had totally opposite opinion I even woke up the morning fantasizing about her, but it wasn't like the typical type... I was just thinking "Oh my god, there is not one part of her body than I can fault, she is just amazingly beautiful", then I woke up.

 

Due to differences we separated a few months ago, but she still tries to maintain contact, I do not.

 

I met up with my best friend on Friday afternoon for lunch, we caught up on a lot of things... he mentioned her and asked me about her because the last time we hung out I was still dating her at the time. He has spoken to her once or twice in the last month or two, he said not to give up on her after everything I went through to be with her because she told him that she is still in love with me ... So I am just letting her go for now... until she sorts out her own issues, then maybe would there be a chance for us to work things out and be together again.

 

The root of my problem is this, she was just such a stunner... great body, great eyes, just really sexy... I guess now I am being a bit shallow when I think about meeting new girls. I haven't been out since we were dating to meet women but we are going out for a big night this Saturday for beer and I guess the other guys will be chasing girls. I am having problems, I don't want to see other women unless I would say they are at least as attractive as her... which is just so hard. I have been working on myself and trying to move on her for so long, now I am finally there I am just having problems meeting new girls because of these issues.

 

Do you think it is possible that I am still not over her? It would seem a bit drastic... or maybe I am just obssessed with her? By now I should be well and truly over what ever happened between us... even though she was the most special person to me.

 

It has been about four months since we separated... She still calls to say she misses me, she loves me and try to patch things up and get back together as a couple.

 

Please help!

 

PRSOV

[nottoogreen]

I think it's natural to be more body-oriented in the 10s and 20s. No problem!

 

My first love and wife was a stunner too but it did not work out in the end.

 

Stunning women seem to have more complex backgrounds and a harder life. Everyone want's to screw them, some get spoiled when young and some get abused like my first wife. I have never met a confident and stable stunning beauty.

 

In bed the feeling and relationship matters, the body is just a tool. Feelings and relationship can survive the test of time, stunning beauty won't, even one child can change a womans body a lot.

 

In the end you have to find your path and find the girl you are looking for.

 

The more expecatations, the harder to meet these.

 

In a way I wish you to have some experiences with average looking girls too, so you know more about what you really want and how to choose. Some average looking girls are better than 10 stunners.

 

I wish you wisdom, patience, persistence and that you go out to meet girls, lots of girls that is.

[Dako]

Why do you not want her?

[PRSOV]

Dako,

 

She had an abusive past, and between being sexually assaulted and meeting me she let a lot of guys use her for sex because she had such a low self-esteem... which she still has. But because I was so different and was more focused on wanting a relationship I don't think she could handle it... I was just too different to what she was use to.

 

I would love to get back with her, I really really do... there isn't anyone else I would rather be with, but I have tried everything to help her through this, I just can't seem to though... She just has too many problems in the past that I just cannot help her with.

 

I am trying to do NC now...

[Dako]

I'm so sorry you had to deal with that.

Abused women can have serious baggage that can derail the best intentions. NC makes sense.

[nottoogreen]

Abuse > low self esteem > used by men. My first wife just the same.

 

Good you stick to NC I am proud of you!

 

Go out get going! Lots of girls are waiting for a kind, intelligent, sensitive, smart and hard working guy like you!

[nottoogreen]

Get going son!

 

Try link removed or google.

[doyathink]

Ah Mr. P, don't give up hope...there is always tomorrow! I know I place a lot of importance on beauty too. I think my 'kinda still' other is so gorgeous and I compare other men to him also.

 

Just give it some time for her to deal with these issues!

[PRSOV]

Thanks NTG, Dako, DYT and pressfit for your input...

 

Hopefully time will be my remedy.

 

PR