Should I let his ex-girlfriend stay?

[gemma84]

I have been with my boyfriend for over seven months, we are currently in a LDR, seeing each other every second weekend. The LDR isn't the problem (I wish it could change, but it won't with uni and jobs).

The problem is.. well it's not really a problem, I just want some opinions about his ex- girlfriend, also the mother of his two young children who he was with for around eight years. They live about 12 hours apart, convienantly I am living half way between each of them. My boyfriend had been talking to his ex about meeting up so he could see his children. He wants for her and the kids to come to where I am and for him to come down here so they can spend a weekend together seeing one another and for him to spend time with his children.

Now the little niggling feeling I have is whether I should invite the ex-girlfriend to stay at my place whilst they are visiting or whether I should make her stay in a motel or something. I have never met her before, and don't really know how she feels about me. I know at the beginning of the relationship she called me 'a piece of fluff' and thought I was just some 'action' for my boyfriend, but that is going back a few months. She recently had an abortion after falling pregnant to her off/on boyfriend. But now has been talking to my boyfriend about what an idiot she had been for leaving him and for the great qualities he has which she hasn't been able to find with any other boyfriends she has had. He has told me he doesn't want her back as she cheated on him at least three times during their relationship and doesn't want to go through that again.

I've never been in a relationship where I've had a boyfriend who has 'baggage'. I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this and whether I should let her stay or if I should be worried about anything, or if I'm blowing this way out of proportion. Opinions please!?!

[RandomAdvisor]

You're assuming that if you invite her to stay she will accept the invitation. It's possible that she wont.

 

I don't think you are blowing any concerns out of proportion. She has a long history with him, they have children together and now she is saying that she wants him back.

 

I don't really see a wrong answer in this situation, as you have two options and both are valid. It would probably be best if you discussed this with your BF though, and the two of you come to a decision together and understand each other's concerns and goals for your dealings with his ex. Dealing with her and their children together is something the two of you will have to do as a team if your relationship is to succeed.

[brando]

My view point is this, you are not obligated to to invite her to stay, and as someguy stated she may not want to stay with you.

 

Ask yourself if you really want this sort of relationship. It doesn't make you less of a person for wanting more from a person. If there is an ex, and children involved, believe me those kids will always come before you. And will you want to put up with him talking to the ex, or seeing her, and vice versa.

 

Things can work out for the three of you. But if she is second guessing her decision of dumping him, even if he does not want to get back, then she can cause a great deal of fricition for you two.

 

Those kids are not your rsponsibility, you owe your bf nothing, and the ex even less.

 

Maybe you don't want to put yourself in this situation. Me thinks you may want to invite her to stay with you so you can keep a close eye on her...

 

as said by Don Corleone "Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer"

[Hope75]

I think this is really up to you....

 

I know I wouldn't feel comfortable having her in my house, especially knowing their history together and the fact that lately she's been voicing regrets over leaving him.

 

You certainly don't OWE it to her to invite her to stay with you, and knowing that she called you 'fluff' doesn't exactly make me warm up to inviting her to stay, but that was likely just insecurity over losing him to someone else.

 

Is the reason you are considering it so you have her under your nose and can see what she's like and what she and your guy will be doing while she visits?

[Lady Bugg]

I get the feeling you're attempting to be the "good guy" by considering this decision. Personally....I am NOT a jealous person..but this arrangement would still not sit well with me if I were in your position. If you feel threatened it's ok to admit that...but this is is NOT your responsibility.

 

I am with Brando with regards to you deciding whether you want these hassles in your life? It sounds like an awful lot to deal with.

 

Just some things to consider...