Lost my best friend and now I'm cold

[Strandysmommy]

A week ago today I lost my very best friend in the whole world and the love of my life. This extraordinary little fellow was my 18 year old cat. I got him for Christmas of 1988 when I was 8 years old...I'm 26 now so that tells you how long we've been together. I got him right before my mom split, and during a time where I was having a horrible time in school, being a chunky, metal mouthed shy girl who didn't dress right.

 

He was always there for me.

 

We (my dad and I) had to say good bye to him because he was very ill. We don't really know what the deal was- could have been the extreme heat and no AC in the house, could have been empysema, which made it impossible for him to eat or drink without not being able to breathe. When he would try to use the litter box his legs would shake and give out. In the last couple of days of his life, anything he'd eat, he'd vomit back up.

 

It was a hard good bye. But in the aftermath, something else has happened that I don't like at all.

 

Mike, my fiancee has been nothing but a saint during this. He's been there for me when I break down randomly and has just...been there. My problem is that suddenly, I feel no joy in being with him like I did, I feel numb.

 

We talk about the wedding and I just...feel nothing. It's like I almost feel resentment toward him. He knows, and has acknowledged several times that he KNOWS he could never take the place of my kitty. That I can never love him the way I loved Stranded. (My kit). I look at little kids and I don't feel the excitement of thinking that I'll have a baby someday.

 

I just feel no joy at all. I feel cold and mean. I'll say right now I feel like it's my fault my cat got sick. I feel like when Mike came into the picture I started being with him, and I fear that Stranded's heart was broken and he couldn't recover. Even though my dad loved him, and I still payed...I mean even when Mike would come over I'd make sure to give Stranded extra extra cuddly cuddles.

 

I fear this is going to cause a big problem. Like I'll never be the same- I mean I feel better knowing that it was around the day after I lost my baby that I started feeling hostile and cold and numb toward the guy who I'm supposed to marry....so it's not just a gradual falling out of love. It was like BOOM.

 

Is this typical? Is this typical when you lose someone who meant so much to you?

[sumguy]

Dunno what it really is, I nicknamed it Emotional Flashburn, I felt it after my grandfather died. For at least a fortnight I felt next to nothing, almost like my emotions were going through a heavy filter, but thing eventually returned to normal...

 

Hopefully it will right itself in the next week or two... if not you might want to consider seeing a psych... And maybe put off the wedding until you feel better... an emotionless wedding day doesn't sound like much fun =)

 

Hope this helped =)

[Cadence308]

I think when you lose someone that you care about it is very normal to feel what you are feeling, which is apathetic. You are grieving and it's all very normal. It doesn't mean that you don't love your fiance or don't want to be with him, but right now you are so focused on the loss that you are feeling, so it's hard to feel anything else.

 

When I was in fourth grade I lost my dog, Sugar. I didn't have her for as long as you had your car. My dog was special to me. I picked her out at the dog pound and she was just my dog. She was hit by a car. I felt what you are feeling. When other kids were playing on the playground I just sat and thought about my dog and cried. I was very sad. I would burst into tears at random times, didn't feel like doing anything. When I was at home I would just sit around and cry. It was hard and it hurt. I ended up writing her a letter telling her how much I missed her and how I would never get to hold her again, etc. I think this was my way of grieving and dealing with the loss. My mom told me that when she read my letter it made her cry because she saw how much I was hurting and couldn't do anything for me. Typing this right now is bringing tears to my eyes and this happened like 19 years ago.

 

Write your cat a letter, telling her how much you miss her and how much she meant to you and how sad you are feeling. Don't feel like you have to plan your whole future now. Allow yourself to be sad and feel the pain. I guarantee that the pain will pass and you will feel better again even though you don't feel like it.

[coollady1957]

I am so sorry to hear about your cat. It can be very difficult especially when they have been part of our lives for many years. I can sympathize with you because I have lost older cats myself.

 

You cat was quite old and I feel it was no fault of your own that caused his illness or passing.

 

I think you are grieving right now, but I do think it will get better. Give yourself some time.

 

How To Convert Cat's Age to Human Years

Here's How:

Allow 15 human years for the first year of your cat's life.

Add nine years for the second year. A two-year old cat will approximate 24 human years.

Add four human years each for successive years of his life.

 

Some people say that the pet age in relation to human age is an old myth or wives tale. Somehow I disagree in a sense. As I have had cats and dogs that seemed to have aged accordingly in comparison as if it had been human age.

 

Once again, I really think it was nothing more than old age, and that your cat had lived his life. He had a great owner that loved him very much and I am sure had a good life with you and your father.

 

Keep the good memories of your pet close to your heart. Time will allow you to deal with it better, however you will always miss your pet and think of him.

[I Love a Canadian]

I am sorry about the loss of your friend/pet. I know that pain very well.

 

Calling it "Emotional Flashburn" as another poster did is a very accurate way to describe it.

 

You may need a bit of therapy to deal with the loss. Do not blame yourself. 18 years is a LONG LONG time for a cat to live. Your cat was lucky to have someone like you that cared about it SO much. And you were lucky to have HIM love you unconditionally in return.

 

The pain will not go away over night, but it will diminish if you give it time.