My Jealousy

[BlkLagoon]

I've been seeing my new boyfriend for a couple of months now. In the first few weeks of dating, we both had an ex to deal with. Both of us had to tell our ex to give up trying because we'd moved on, found someone new, and only wanted a friendship with them. His situation differed in that they had a much longer history together, and she was less willing to give him up in the end. They had a very heated discussion, and she left angry telling him she never wanted to hear from him again. This was ok with him, even though he offered a friendship if she could handle it. They did not talk since then and things were fine. However, he recently had a serious health issue arise and needed surgery. He called everyone, except for her. She did find out, and was concerned, so she contacted him. He told me she called him a couple times leaving a message, then he went ahead and called her back to fill her in. He said that she initially was pissed off that he didn't tell her, and then she "was cool" after that. The problem? My reaction was immediate anger and jealousy, and I felt threatened. I didn't take it out on him, I let it subside and then told him it bothered me. Really, I feel like I have a problem for being so insecure over it. We had a talk before and he assured me he has no desire to be with her ever again, and I didn't need to worry. Accepting that a friendship could come about really worries me, though, even if it shouldn't. I don't like knowing there's a woman who shared a lot with him, still in his life, and emotions could still be up in the air. Any advice on how to overcome this fear would be appreciated. He is open to talking to me about it, but I don't want to beat the issue senseless to where he might feel he can't tell me when or if they've talked again. Thank you!

[Yvette84]

*sigh* I don't know if i'm the best person to help you with this, because you sound EXACTLY like me!!!!!!!!!!!! I have been in this situation before....and it killed me too. What I did, is I told him how much it bothered me and asked him if he could stop. I know that's selfish, but it's the only way I would be content. He did it. Basically I had him make a choice between what was more important to him, having me or a friendship with her.

If you don't wanna do that, then I think the best thing to do, is talk to him about how much it bothers you and ask him how he would feel if the tables were turned. Also see if you can come up with some compramises, like they don't hang out alone, but in groups or with you. let him know you trust him, but you just feel weird because of their past, and just get it to where it's comfortible enough to handle for you. I know the right thing to say is "let them be friends, if you don't trust him you shouldn't be with him, and if something did happen then it wasn't meant to be" I don't say that because I compleatly understand you, it's like even if their NOT doing anything, just the thought of feelings and memories lingering SUCKS! So sorry if I wasn't any help to you. But I can relate!

[chopper43]

I just read this post afew days ago and I can relate in a big way. The guy I have been seeing for about 10 months now see's his ex girlfriend on a regular basis. He insists they are just friends this eats away at me. He has told me everytime he goes over there, which I know he's not hiding it from me. Still bothers the crap out of me to the extent of feeling physically ill about it now.

 

The other night he stayed, next day we are doing things together and he springs on me he's going over there for dinner, instantly I was choked. So he leaves me here goes to her place for dinner then shows up later that evening to be with me, go figure. I'm having the toughest time trying to figure this one out, I am very attached to this man now and it breaks my heart that he wants to go visit another woman, would be different if I could actually meet her and see how there relationship is when they are together. He told me I could meet her but still waiting for this.

 

Anyways guess the question is am I just jealous of her relationship with him or is it women's intuition I'm feeling. Thank you for listening and I feel for everyone else who has posted off this thread.

 

Angie