So he cheated

[fyup19]

Hi this is my first time posting on a forum so I do not really know how this system works. I won't make a long story out of it. It's about my sister's finace of 6 years and there's another woman whos' been going out with him for 2 months now, that woman is ME.

 

There were times in which both him and me wanted to go further, but I l left it at making out sessions. I did not sleep with him as that would have been unforgivable. However, there is a lot of chemistry going on between, he understand me better than anyone, even better than my sister. Don't get me wrong, I do get along well with my sister and to her I'm her best friend (unfortunately I just betrayed her), but I can't get him out of my mind.

 

At some point I think I started to fall in love with him and he told me the same thing. Sometimes he tells me about the boring daily routines (they live together) and that he wants to take a short break or that sometimes he wishes to leave her.

 

Thing is I find it hard to get him off my mind. Today I had ignored his calls, but still think of him. I'm planning to stop this but what if he keeps calling after I tell him this can't go on.One time I told him how it would be if my sister found out. He assure him about not to worry a thing about it, that she'll never find out. Any suggestion on how to get him out of my mind.

 

By the way if all you people are gonna say that I'm a horrible person and that my sister deserves to know or "How can you do that, put yourself in her shoes" ect. then don't write anything at all. No sarcastic comments by the way, I'm not here to be judge. As for telling my sister, NO, I'm not gonna tell her, she'll probably never forgive me, not even if it was only kissing.

[melrich]

By the way if all you people are gonna say that I'm a horrible person and that my sister deserves to know

 

Look it is hard not to make judgements but these situations do happen and i guess given human frailties they are understandable.

 

Anyway to the practicality. You need to be the strong one here. It is you who has the most to lose, not him. There is no easy way to do it. Stop any relationship with this person. Don't allow any situation where you may be alone with him.

 

There is no easy way. It is about doing the right thing and finding the strength within yourself to do that.

[Jennster]

To be honest I don't know if you'll be able to get him out of your mind - especially if they end up marrying eachother - you'll have to see him all the time whenever you see your sister.

 

It would take an awful lot of will power to stop thinking about him that's for sure...either you can cut yourself off from him and your sister OR you can just try to deal with it and hope it goes away over time.

[Starfall]

You aren't a horrible person, people make mistakes. I feel what you are doing is a mistake. He may say he loves you, but what he is doing to both your sister and to you isn't right regardless of you and the (sister situation) You may end up getting used and your relationship with your sister whom you love very much will never be the same. Guys will come and go, you'll have your sister forever. I don't know if that helps.. I just dont want you to get hurt and then to have to suffer the consequences of the betrayal your sister will feel. I don't think he's worth it. If he's doing this to your sister, he'll do it to you too.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

I think the title of your thread should have been "So I cheated"

 

Also, suffice to say, if he had preferred to leave her for you, then he would have done so, but he hasn't.

 

If I were you, I'd find my own man, one who wants me, and only me.

[fyup19]

He assures that your sister wont find out?? How honest do you think, he is towards you?

 

That must have been another reason why I didn't sleep with him and rejected it many times. I'm planning to stop it as it could lead further if I'm alone with him again. I will be ignoring his calls again just like today or I can e-mail him a letter stating that we can't be in contact anymore, unless my sister and other family members are there.

 

I hope she does not ever find out.

[jaded4x5]

tell your sister what is going on ... she is YOUR sister she will be there for you always... he is not worthy of her or you! no relationship can develop between you he is with her and obviously he is a lier and a cheat ,, he said she wont find out well this is your relationship with her not him if he can hurt her he will hurt you....just a thought

[melrich]

I can e-mail him a letter stating that we can't be in contact anymore, unless my sister and other family members are there.

 

I would not email him. If it's you intention that no one ever know this then do not leave any physical trail.

 

Next. YOU have to take responsibility for ending this. Don't put any on him. He won't accept it. YOU make sure you are never alone or compromised with him. YOU make sure that he has no way of getting access to you other than at family gatherings.

 

Do NOT abdicate responsibility or part responsibility to him. He won't accept it. He has far less to lose than you do.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

That must have been another reason why I didn't sleep with him and rejected it many times. I'm planning to stop it as it could lead further if I'm alone with him again. I will be ignoring his calls again just like today or I can e-mail him a letter stating that we can't be in contact anymore, unless my sister and other family members are there.

 

I hope she does not ever find out.

 

Yes, well if you *truly* do not want others to ever be able to difinitively find out, then I'd think the intelligent thing to do, would be to... NOT PUT IT IN WRITING, what do you think?

[jaded4x5]

also one last thread are you jealous of your sister do you feel the need to hurt her subconsciously because if my brother-in -law EVER tried anything I would slap his face...

she is your blood

[fyup19]

If I were you, I'd find my own man, one who wants me, and only me.

 

You are right about that. I'm about to cut him loose and not talk to him unless either my sister or the other family members are there. I don't want to be used or have him blaming it all on me saying I made the moves when he's the one that started it.

[fyup19]

I would not email him. If it's you intention that no one ever know this then do not leave any physical trail.

 

I can't believe I was thinking of sending him an e-mail when I know they live together, how stupid of me. Nevermind about the e-mail, I'll stick with the other plan: Not ever contacting him unless it's at family gatherings.

 

also one last thread are you jealous of your sister do you feel the need to hurt her subconsciously

 

This is what I had to read like about 4 times and for a while I paused. I get along well with her, there was never bitterness. However, she being the oldest would always make friends easier and be popular in school. It was like she was a magnet while I was invisble and even teased all the way through middle school. Another thing is during our teenage years (her being 17 and me 13), guys would be hitting at her the most and if they talked to me it was only to talk about my sister.

As for dating, my sister's been to many of them while I only been in two (one with a guy I had to ask out and make the move else nothing would have happen only to just last for just 4 weeks and this one which I'm about to end it).

[mystik]

I think your sister deserves to know what kind of guy she is living with and committed to. You are certainly stuck in a situation where if she finds out, she may never forgive or trust you again. However, she also deserves someone better, someone who won't cheat on her, especially with her own sister. I have no solutions for you, but I really think she somehow needs to at least find out what kind of guy he really is :S

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

I agree the sister has the right to know.

[doyathink]

As I'm reading this post it makes me think of my own sister...I would hate myself so deeply if I ever hurt her, whether or not she ever found out...

 

I just can't imagine, how can you not tell your own flesh and blood what a cheat her bf is....please spare her the misery of marrying this man who will most probably carry on an affair with someone else sooner or later and possibly give her an std and break her heart.

 

I'm not judging you but I do feel so sorry for your sister...I hope you do the right thing...Good luck!

[melrich]

I just can't imagine, how can you not tell your own flesh and blood what a cheat her bf is....

 

I know what you are saying here and I don't think anyone would condone what the OP has done to her sister.

 

I also agree that the fiance will cheat with others, the marriage won't last unless the sister lives with the cheating.

 

But I really don't think the OP can tell her sister. That would likely rip the family apart and I just think the price may be too big to pay.

 

I sort of take the view that if you took the OP completely out of this, the fiance is not the right person for the sister to marry but that is a situation that the OP's sister has gotten herself into.

 

I don't know. It is a really tough one.

[doyathink]

I don't know. It is a really tough one.

 

I know, life is hard!

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

I know, life is hard!

 

I know. Yet another testament to why its a bad, bad Idea to bang our sibling's fiances!!

[IrishBroad]

I understand that you must be very torn. The situation you are in will only end in pain. I know things like this happen and when you get close to someone feelings occur. You need to think to yourself what kind of a man would do this to two sisters??? It seems to me that he is living the fantasy life... on the outside he has a fiancee and then on the side he has his mistress. I think that if he was a real man he would fess up to your sister, and i think that maybe you should tell your sister before she finds out someother way. I know that it is going to hurt and you don't want to hurt your sister but, you need to tell her she deserves at least that. Because you can prevent her from marrying a man that will just cheat on her like that and who doesn't really love her. If you love him and he loves you and you want to pursue it then do it.... But remember you need to tell your sister if you want to have a relationship with him. I honestly think this guy seems not so great for either of you. You deserve a guy that wants you all to himself and isn't with your sister...

 

I am not judging you things happen i feel bad because you seem really upset and torn and you generaly don't want to hurt your sister but the thing is when you made the choice to be with him you were hurting her then... just open up to her tell her the truth because it will set you free and she is your sister she will always love you... she may be hurt but at least you were honest and eventually she will realize it. As for this guy drop him.... he can hurt your sister like that what makes you think he wont do the same to you ?

 

anyways i wish you well no matter what you decide and i pray that everything works out for the best. Take care and goodluck

 

~Bridget

[Oldboy]

You need to think to yourself what kind of a man would do this to two sisters??? ~Bridget

 

Could this be the kind of man who in order to get you to sleep with him at a later date threaten you with blackmail?

If you don't sleep with him when he asks he could tell yor sister you did anyway.

[BlkLagoon]

I think you should take a look at who he is. This is a man who is willing to put a barrier between two sisters. It doesn't matter if you never tell your sister, it is still possible this secret could one day get out. The chance is there, even if it's small. You may not have ever intended to have these feelings, but this man should have ended the relationship with your sister rather than begin cheating on her with you. I can't even imagine how that kind of betrayal would feel, but I'm sure it isn't worth your make out sessions. No one has to tell you you're a "horrible" person, and you aren't. But what you and he are doing, is truly horrible. Sorry! I'm not saying that I could never find myself in any such situation, and who's to say what I would do. But you are coming here looking for advice, and I think reassurance. It sounds like you're going to do the right thing.

In order to really clear this entire situation up, though--- you'd have to confess to your sister so she's not stuck in a relationship with this guy. Gain her forgiveness, build back her trust, don't let this guy back in your lives.