__Hope Posted August 2, 2006 Share Posted August 2, 2006 Ok so, a while ago I cheated on my boyfriend. I kissed another guy on the cheek. Well I saved one of the conversations me and the guy had...which about a month or two ago my boyfriend found the conversation while he was supposedly looking for happy conversations I saved between him and I (my boyfriend and I). He got upset, so I promised him i would delete it because I didn't know it was there. Which I did..I got on my hotmail, deleted it and it refreshed the page. Well..this morning he wrote an email to me to which he said he had a lot of spelling errors in it so he went on my email to delete it so he could send it again with corrections. But, he ended up going in my drafts again looking for another happy conversation between him and I. And he ends up finding the conversations that I promised him I deleted. Now, I tell you..I did delete it, I thought it wasn't there.....but somehow it was. So we're having this big agrument over this crap and I don't know what else to say..I've told him i'm sorry he saw that and I know it hurts him but I did delete and I can't help that it was there. I thought it wasn't. But he thinks it's my fault and I should be saying sorry because when I deleted it, I didn't go back and make sure it was gone. Why should I have done that when it went through everything that it does for it to be deleted? I'm trying to tell him he could have surely handled the situation a lot better than he did. He started off with an email to me that said "God you make you feel like S***" and a text that just said "*sigh*..." I tried calling him about 20 times, I tried texting him..he wouldn't answer..and when he did...He just hung up on me. I don't know what to do. I'm so stressed out and don't know what to say. Ugh..please someone help... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnnyB Posted August 2, 2006 Share Posted August 2, 2006 how old are you two? and why does he have the passwords to your email account... i'd guess no older than 14-15 because if kissing on the cheek gets him that mad and he's older than 15 he has some MAJOR problems. Conversations with other guys too which are none of his business. Its your choice to talk to other guys, if he cant keep you happy then he has to work on it himself, not put the blame on you. Leave him Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted August 2, 2006 Share Posted August 2, 2006 I agree that a kiss on the cheek isn't that big of a deal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
__Hope Posted August 2, 2006 Author Share Posted August 2, 2006 I'm 16..he's 19. We've been together we'll say...almost 2 years. We're both the jealous type...so..I can say I would get angry with him too if he kissed another girl on the cheek. I just don't know what to tell him about this situation of me not knowing that the conversation wasn't deleted...My throat hurts now from yelling at him trying to tell him that I did NOT know it was there because I DID delete it...and it keeps coming back to the same thing of him saying he couldn't have handled the situation better because of the way it makes him feel and how I should have went back over my drafts to see if it was still there or not. ugh..it makes me so upset. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hockeyboy Posted August 2, 2006 Share Posted August 2, 2006 1) a kiss on the cheek should not be a big deal. would you both be mad if the other hugged someone of the opposite sex? 2) he should not have your passwords and be going into your private accounts Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
__Hope Posted August 2, 2006 Author Share Posted August 2, 2006 And to answer your question, yes. We would be..that's why we don't do it...I used to do it..but he said it made me seem whorish that I would go around hugging guys.. But...really know...what should I do about this situation?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hockeyboy Posted August 2, 2006 Share Posted August 2, 2006 leave him. anybody who says that it makes you seem ******* if you hug guys is not ready for a real relationship. in fact, they need help, because it is simply not healthy to think that way. it is also very controlling and probably the start to something much worse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
__Hope Posted August 2, 2006 Author Share Posted August 2, 2006 So with this situation that I'm going through right now..of him being mad at me because I did delete a conversation that some how didn't delete I should just leave him? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
__Hope Posted August 2, 2006 Author Share Posted August 2, 2006 I don't want to leave him..I want to make this situation better...I want to know what to say.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hockeyboy Posted August 2, 2006 Share Posted August 2, 2006 you should at the very least explain to him that his jealousy and controlling ways are not healthy (neither are yours if you act the same). there is nothing wrong with talking to other guys or hugging other guys who are your friends. its ok to be friends with guys. if he cant accept that, he doesnt trust you and if he doesnt trust you then he shouldnt be with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
__Hope Posted August 2, 2006 Author Share Posted August 2, 2006 Well I can't really say that since i'm the same way...we're both jealous..we've tried to work it out but we both have bad attitudes and jealousy. I'm just not knowing that to say about the conversation he found with that I really did delete. I didn't JUST kiss him on the cheek..I also had a little bit of feelings for that person. So..he does have room to act that way...just not about this situation..I really don't want to leave him. I love him, with everything. I just don't know how to deal with this situation. I don't know how to deal with it, I don't know what to say...I don't know what the to do. ](*,) But thanks for your advice Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lady00 Posted August 2, 2006 Share Posted August 2, 2006 Well, there is such a thing as emotional cheating...flirting a lot, leading the other guy on etc. If that's not what you did, if you just kissed a guy friend on the cheek, I don't see the problem. If that is the case, I'd say the jealousy in your relationship is out of control. What is it that would upset you or your bf? Is it the a) kiss on the cheek and the hugs or b) having a close, flirty emotional interaction with someone else? If it's (a), you both need to cut that out because this isn't the toughest thing your relationship will face. If it's (b), then yes, I would understand why the other partner would be upset or feel cheated on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
__Hope Posted August 2, 2006 Author Share Posted August 2, 2006 It's b. And I know it upsets him, I do...and i've told him i'm so sorry for it, I've promised him never again, i've done this and that and it still doesn't seem to be enough. I just want to know what the hell to do in the situation of that conversation with that guy not being deleted and him getting so upset over me still having it when i promised him i deleted it. i really did... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lady00 Posted August 2, 2006 Share Posted August 2, 2006 Okay, so that explains things a bit more. I think the fact that the email remained in your email kind of added insult to injury after he already felt betrayed. Seeing the email again may have just reminded him of the way he felt when he first heard that you were flirting with the other guy. He probably feels threatened. Although you did not go further with the other guy than some flirting and a kiss on the cheek, your bf has no way of knowing if things would could progressed further between you and the other guy. Emotional cheating, or sharing an innapropriate emotional connection with someone whom you are even a little interested in or in whom you have shown some interest by what you've said to them, can be very painful for your partner. It's understandable that he's upset but all you can do now is make sure he knows you're really sorry and would not repeat what you did. Also, stop talking to the other guy. The other guy probably likes you and may even think that the firtation is a sign that you may have wanted more than just to give him a kiss on the cheek. So, make sure your guy knows that you're cutting off communication with the other dude and then back off. I cannot emphasize enough how important it is to give your guy time and space here. He may well feel like you were on your way towards physically cheating on him and the last thing he needs right now is pressure. You may feel tempted to pressure him to forgive you but you can't. He will or won't forgive you in his own time. Give him space and give yourself space to stop even considering the other guy or liking him in a romantic way in the slightest bit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hockeyboy Posted August 2, 2006 Share Posted August 2, 2006 he shouldnt be going through your emails to begin with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
__Hope Posted August 2, 2006 Author Share Posted August 2, 2006 Thanks a lot that really helped lady00. I have completely cut off communication with this guy. I haven't talked to him in about 5 months. He has tried to contact me but I won't reply. I tell my boyfriend to tell him I don't want anything to do with him. But thank you a lot for your advice. Should I just let him call me or him talk to me or should I call him? And, hockeyboy..I know he shouldn't..but I do it too sometimes...but his excuse was that he was trying to look for a happy conversation I saved between him and I Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BornToResist Posted August 2, 2006 Share Posted August 2, 2006 My suggestion? Change your password. Don't you feel a little violated that he's going through your emails because he doesn't trust you at all? And he's giving lame reasons for doing so! He was looking for "happy conversations" between the two of you? Yeah, right... You kissed another guy on the cheek and you said you wouldn't do it again for whatever reasons. That does NOT give him an excuse for snooping. He found one email that you hadn't erased...this is no reason for him to act the way that he does in my opinion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
__Hope Posted August 2, 2006 Author Share Posted August 2, 2006 Just the weird thing is I did delete, like..I really did..I went through the process of clicking the email and pushing the delete button. I really thought it was deleted because I DID delete it. I swear on the bible. But for some reason it was still there and some how that's my fault.. This has happened to me before when I've tried to delete a draft and it didn't work...but today..I went through my whole email and deleted every draft I have ever made. I don't know, but it's just..EVERY SINGLE TIME we have an argument..he brings up what I did...like it's his thing of making it whatever he did ok and making me feel like you know what because of what I did. We can never get the problem I have with something he's doing because he's too darn busy bringing up what I did to him 5 months ago... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lady00 Posted August 2, 2006 Share Posted August 2, 2006 Once this all blows over, if you want to stay with this guy, you should both change your passwords. It's a funny thing...yes, he should have been snooping but you did give him your password and the emails did make him feel like he might have something to worry about. While I don't condone snooping, you both need to make an effort to fight the jealousy urge and make sure your and your partner are secure in the relationship enough to not even want to snoop because you'll know you won't find anything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
__Hope Posted August 2, 2006 Author Share Posted August 2, 2006 Well he's said numerous times now that he wasn't snooping, he really was trying to find a happy conversation between him and I..which..i don't see why he needed to see one? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lady00 Posted August 2, 2006 Share Posted August 2, 2006 Looking at emails intended for someone else = snooping, no matter what justification is given. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BornToResist Posted August 2, 2006 Share Posted August 2, 2006 Looking for happy conversations was just his excuse... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
__Hope Posted August 3, 2006 Author Share Posted August 3, 2006 Do you really think so? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BornToResist Posted August 3, 2006 Share Posted August 3, 2006 Yes I do. It seems so obvious to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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