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How long did your honeymoon stage last?


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My relationship of six years began its slow descent about two years ago. It started slowly with little bits of pulling away from eachother and him getting back to into "old" habits/lifestyle and friends. After about two years he quit talking about marriage and "our" future. Now he won't even share anything with me about "his" future plans. He doesn't mind if I work long hours and spends most of the week at school. I actually think he wants that time away from me. I am becoming more and more irritable, depressed, and paranoid eachday. Rarely a day goes by that I don't cry myself to work in the morning. I am really not so sure if it is time to let go, because we are both getting snippy and acting burned out or should I keep on hoping and praying we will get to that comfortable place in our relationship that I long for? If the honeymoons over before you even get married ...is it a lost cause?

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That's awful, dm.

I'm sorry things are so rough for you.

Of course counseling or just open communication is called for, but to cry that much is really tragic. Hoping and praying won't fix anything, but telling him you think it's close to ending would get his attention. Some guys are blind to how far thngs have degraded until they get a wake up call. He might be too comfy to notice what he's risking.

 

Welcome to the forum, lady. I hope you find some help here. I sure have.

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We've always had fights as my wife is quite volatile and quick tempered but the honeymoon phase lasted 10 years and then hit a rough patch 2 years ago after 15 years. Things seemed to be getting better until my wife dropped a bombshell last night (see Mixed Messages). What was so annoying was that she was all lovey-dovey less than 4 hours earlier!

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I don't think my boyfriend and I ever had a honeymoon phase.... it's been the same, just getting closer and closer as time's gone on.

 

Seriously, our relationship started very well and I liked him immensely from the beginning, but - and I am going to sound nauseating now - with every month that passes I get more into him, I love him more deeply, it just grows.

 

10 months next week!

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I think the honeymoon stage is different for everyone, and ever relationship. Typically though the "true honeymoon" stage lasts 6-12 months, though that does not mean you of course turn all "bad" right after.

 

It is just about how you progress as a couple, as you learn to communicate, and it also depends how life "hits you". If you are not dealing with major external stressors for example, it may be easier to live in the honeymoon stage for much longer than someone dealing with death in family, or job loss, etc.

 

Staying in the "euphoric" honeymoon stage longer is not automatically a better thing either! It may mean in some way you (or both of you) are also holding back a bit out of a fear of sorts. I mean it's nice to feel euphoric, but there is a LOT to be said for also being able to be partners and teammates in reality, when there is more to your bond than oxytocin and hormones

 

Anyway, with my boyfriend and I, I am not sure I can put a time frame on it. I think we both always were pretty "realistic" from start, and while definitely had those elated floating feelings of the honeymoon stage, were also pretty aware of the realities of relationships too and knowing no one was perfect. We moved in about three months into the relationship, and while we have had disagreements here and there they are quite infrequent, they tend to be rather short lived, rather un-volatile, and we tend to resolve them very quickly together. I really can't even tell you when the first fight was to be honest! And they certainly are not things that make us not want to be together by any means!

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It is just about how you progress as a couple, as you learn to communicate, and it also depends how life "hits you". If you are not dealing with major external stressors for example, it may be easier to live in the honeymoon stage for much longer than someone dealing with death in family, or job loss, etc.

 

I could't agree more. My life the over the last two years has been a virtual roller coaster. I went back to school full-time to obtain my nursing degree and since then I have been racking up the credit debt trying to support myself and my two children (from a previous marriage). I am exhausted everyday from studying and working and parenting, and to top it all off I have a daughter who will be starting middle school this year and has developed a smart mouth almost over night. I suppose I can see why he has pulled away emotionally, but I need him to be my emotional support during this difficult time. Ihave no family to help me through this and I lean on him for support. I am on my last year of school and I know our life will change dramatically when I am finished. I only hope that we can hang on that long.

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