About past relationships

[fox_91]

Now I know better than to talk about past relationships with people when your dating. I have been out of my relationship for about a month now, and I am trying to date again. I just went on one yesterday, and everything was fine, but then she asked me about my past realtionships, I gave no indication about my ex or anything and i don't talk about it unless asked first. But it seems like if I say anything then they feel like they are a 'rebound' since I have been broken up for a little over a month. I'm not looking for a rebound, I am trying to get on with my life, but how do you convey that to someone without making it sound so cliche?

[heloladies21]

It depends exactly how the question is asked, but if you're not comfortable talking about it you could try deflecting it with some humor once. If that doesn't work, you can describe it very factually and vague (we dated for 2 years--fact, but things just didn't work out in the end--vague) and then turn it around back on her and ask her the very same question and let her speak, or a variation (what type of guys do you usually date, what things do you look for in a guy--this question is not so great because what a girl wants and what a girl responds to are often completely different things).

[fox_91]

Thanks for the suggestions. I am really not uncomfortable speaking of the realitionship, even tho it was for so long and it broke my heart, I guess I figured that when the girl would ask it was to see the circumstances for it failing, and to see how you reacted to it and such... but what would i know im not a girl lol

[Dating Coach]

Try to keep the topic off of this subject. If she persists tell her some very outlandish story and see if she buys it. Tell her that believe it or not the last girlfriend you had was an exiled noble from the Cambodia. She was very fun but very demanding which caused you two to go separate ways. See how far you can take it before she no longer believes you. Have fun with it, but don't ever get into "drama" talks with her.

[heloladies21]

See how far you can take it before she no longer believes you. Have fun with it, but don't ever get into "drama" talks with her.

 

But you don't want to deflect it too many times because she'll think you're hiding something. Being vague in a way that doesn't seem deceptive is an art in itself. Key phrases like "things just didn't work out" or "sometimes people just aren't meant for each other" will tell her what she needs to hear, but not make it look like you're hiding something. You can only take a joke so far before you arouse suspicion. Trust me, I know this from experience!

 

I subscribe to the mystery method where once you have gained attraction from her and given her a reason for you to be attracted to her other than her looks, then and only then is it ok for you to have some serious conversations, such as past relationships. It's part of comfort building which you need to do so she doesn't think you're a player by only tossing out slick lines and acting like a player. This stuff is only good to get the girl attracted, to get her to drop her front.

[Dating Coach]

I also have to add that it's never wise to start talking trash abotu your ex's. That's a deal killer for a lot of people on early dates.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

When asked about ex's, I always just said one of the following, depending on the person and the mood:

 

1) "The attraction just wasn't there"

2) "She/He wasn't my type"

3) "I don't think I was what he/she wanted"

4) "I cheated so eventually dumped her/him out of guilt"

 

Having used 4) several times yet still gone on to have relationships with people I used it on, I conclude that honesty and directness must be a turn on in some quarters....or people are just fascinated by such levels of candidity?

[Alezia]

4) "I cheated so eventually dumped her/him out of guilt"

 

Jesus i wouldnt say this really but your choice