skyblue1 Posted July 31, 2006 Share Posted July 31, 2006 Hi everyone, Lifes seems to be unfair for a while now getting fed up dating people and it not getting anywhere. It always seems i'm dating the same person with a different name. I have lost faith in men and it doesn't feel like things will change. Does anyone else feel the same? Link to comment
Meow18 Posted July 31, 2006 Share Posted July 31, 2006 I used to. I used to believe that there were no good guys, and that every guy only wanted one thing from me. But then of course my boyfriend comes along.. What kind of men do you end up dating? Perhaps you are just looking in the wrong places? Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted July 31, 2006 Share Posted July 31, 2006 Sometimes, when you feel so down on yourself and have a down attitude in regards to finding men, you will attract the ones that are not good. Also, where are you looking to date guys? I have found that internet dating hasnt been the best place to look for guys. To me, meeting guys thorough shared interests and events, volunteering, etc. has brought me the best choices. I met my ex at a Ren Faire event and although we broke up, we dated two years and he treated me pretty well. We just werent compatible on a lot of things. I have also noticed that when you are not looking and just living life, that is when a guy will walk in your door. When I met my ex, I wasnt really out hunting for a guy, I was busy with my life (with work, school, my hobbies, etc.) and he walked in my life. Link to comment
RayKay Posted July 31, 2006 Share Posted July 31, 2006 I don't want this to come off the wrong way, but if you find you are dating the same men over and over, it's time to look at what men you go for in the first place. What qualities do they share, that attracts you, where are you meeting them, what red flags do they all share. Because at this point the common denominator in all those relationships is yourself, and you have the choice to choose your dating partners, etc. For example, a lot of women date cheaters over and over and lament they can never find an honest man. Well, turns out they always go for men whom are extremely flirty with other women, have several short term relationships, many affairs, a lack of respect for women/commitment...but are confident, and c0cky, and smooth talkers..and they fall for them. Or, many men complain they find women whom are shallow and goldiggers. Well, maybe they are meeting women while flashing off their car, of meeting needy, dependent women whom are clearly not stable themselves. But, they are attracted to "being needed". There are many decent, wonderful amazing men out there. I never gave up on true love, I just made a commitment to myself after my last breakup I was not settling for any less than what I deserved and needed and would not get involved with someone whom gave off those red flags again. I figured out what I DID need in someone, and what I deserved, and boom, well, once I did that...I found I did NOT get involved in any more unhealthy relationships. I lived my life for myself, not to find someone, and as I felt whole and happy, well that is when I DID meet someone whom fit me perfectly..and found that true love whom felt the same for me as I for him. Link to comment
skyblue1 Posted July 31, 2006 Author Share Posted July 31, 2006 I've started going to private partys like fashion shows etc. Met a few guys. Men i like like me back but it always seems to go wrong. We date then nothing happens. Men show interest and things mess up i can't get past at first stage. I'm friendly and myself and it still doesn't get me anywhere. Why is that? Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted July 31, 2006 Share Posted July 31, 2006 RayKay, did you ever find it hard to leave someone (esp after you started to emotionally invest in them) when the red flags started to pop out? I have always found it hard to leave someone after dating them for some time and emotionally investing in them, and then the red flags start to show up. In the beginning of a dating relationship everybody is on their best behavior, and I have noticed that only after some investment is made into the relationship, do red flags start to show up. Link to comment
RayKay Posted July 31, 2006 Share Posted July 31, 2006 RayKay, did you ever find it hard to leave someone (esp after you started to emotionally invest in them) when the red flags started to pop out? I have always found it hard to leave someone after dating them for some time and emotionally investing in them, and then the red flags start to show up. In the beginning of a dating relationship everybody is on their best behavior, and I have noticed that only after some investment is made into the relationship, do red flags start to show up. Well, yes, I used too, and I am someone whom is someone whom does get very emotionally invested. And regardless, it is always hard but....you have to decide how much your emotional health and happiness is worth. You really should NOT ever have to compromise those for someone whom really deserves you to be honest. True love is not all sacrifice. Sure, there are compromises and sacrifices, but it should never result in you selling yourself out, and, these are things both partners should work together and agree on. You both should benefit and enjoy the relationship. Once I made that decision thoughto stop selling myself short and realized I DESERVED love, respect and all those other great things it became actually surprisingly easy to weed people out. Why? I suspect because you realize you don't NEED someone, and are not looking FOR someone to fill that NEED. Instead, you are just open to meeting someone whom fits with you if it does happen. I was careful about going past dating with people whom showed red flags as a result, and more in tune to them. Most people DO show red flags quite early on in dating, and this is why I am an advocate of dating before becoming serious. First date does not equal a commitment! Link to comment
skyblue1 Posted July 31, 2006 Author Share Posted July 31, 2006 First date does not equal a commitment! very true RayKay i agree with that. Do you think it's a good idea to tell a guy your dating you fancy them? Link to comment
RayKay Posted July 31, 2006 Share Posted July 31, 2006 First date does not equal a commitment! very true RayKay i agree with that. Do you think it's a good idea to tell a guy your dating you fancy them? Hmm, that would depend I think on the length of time you are dating. I think too early on it can be a bit of pressure or not have the reaction you are hoping for... We all like to feel that we are well, attractive and desired, but I think it's important that for the first while at least, you SHOW you fancy them, concentrate on making them FEEL that you fancy them, rather than telling them with too many words....but don't worry, there is a time when you can get all cheesy and cutesy with each other as things progress Link to comment
Majoraslayer Posted July 31, 2006 Share Posted July 31, 2006 Hi everyone, Lifes seems to be unfair for a while now getting fed up dating people and it not getting anywhere. It always seems i'm dating the same person with a different name. I have lost faith in men and it doesn't feel like things will change. Does anyone else feel the same? Well, this is the point I've reached with women. I'm tired of being lied to and hurt. Link to comment
skyblue1 Posted July 31, 2006 Author Share Posted July 31, 2006 Bless ya Majoraslayer. See we ladies are going throught the same thing. I know how you feel. What can we do to change things. Maybe try not getting too close to the person. If a guy is asking do you fancy me what does that mean? Link to comment
RayKay Posted July 31, 2006 Share Posted July 31, 2006 If a guy is asking do you fancy me what does that mean? He probably wants to know if you are interested....guys like to lessen chances of rejection too and know what they are getting into Link to comment
skyblue1 Posted July 31, 2006 Author Share Posted July 31, 2006 would it be desprate if i asked to meet him tomorrow or leave it for the fellowing day? he has agreed to meet me again Link to comment
SwtMary Posted July 31, 2006 Share Posted July 31, 2006 I am not reading everyone's post...I am lazy today...hehe I do feel the exact same way you do. I have recently taken a vow of celibacy due to the times I have been hurt by men. I know its not their fault. Sex is a very controlling factor for me, so a vow like this will help me overall. I am sorry that you are feeling this and I really do hope things change for both of us Link to comment
nottoogreen Posted July 31, 2006 Share Posted July 31, 2006 Hi skyblue, You have not dated for a long time like 4 years before joining eNotAlone. Actually, IIRC you never dated much. You are attractive, given time the right one will come. Patience and persistence. Link to comment
nottoogreen Posted July 31, 2006 Share Posted July 31, 2006 Well, this is the point I've reached with women. I'm tired of being lied to and hurt. Hi, You are in no shape to date. You are way too "moody". Any girl will run fast. And if not, I will be sorry for her because all she could be is a loving healthy partner to her loving healthy partner. Thus you must straighten yourself out. Please have a look a the replies here: , including mine. Happy to talk to you there. Link to comment
skyblue1 Posted July 31, 2006 Author Share Posted July 31, 2006 Want things to come quicker been Patient enough. I know what your saying though. Link to comment
nottoogreen Posted July 31, 2006 Share Posted July 31, 2006 Want things to come quicker been Patient enough. I know what your saying though. Young boys like that too. Link to comment
nottoogreen Posted July 31, 2006 Share Posted July 31, 2006 Kids, you got a life ahead of you. Fight on. Link to comment
skyblue1 Posted July 31, 2006 Author Share Posted July 31, 2006 But it's very easy to give up when nothing seems to come along or go right you do start thinking about things deeper. Link to comment
nottoogreen Posted July 31, 2006 Share Posted July 31, 2006 I am out of date dating, I hope I do not have to ever date again. Keep learning, try and try again. Link to comment
skyblue1 Posted August 1, 2006 Author Share Posted August 1, 2006 Been cancelled today by a date. See it never works out the way we want it. We get happy and excited then we get let down. Why do we go through this pain????? Link to comment
skyblue1 Posted August 1, 2006 Author Share Posted August 1, 2006 Sick and tired of this rubbish people treating me like i'm nothing !!! Link to comment
skyblue1 Posted August 1, 2006 Author Share Posted August 1, 2006 Fed up of trying whats the point when we have nothing to look forward to Link to comment
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