loving again?

[GoldenEagle9]

i need to talk something through on here and am really hoping for some feedback, because otherwise why would i be here ... i will try to be as brief as possible btw, i'm a lesbian. that's why i am posting in this section.

 

background

i was with my ex for 4 years. She broke up with me 1.5 years ago. She's been with her current gf for about 1.5 years... you do the math. i've been in my current relationship for 8 months and we're starting to have some problems. Most of them to do with the fact that i've been feeling absolutely suffocated. i should probably also mention the fact that it is a LDR. Funny thing is, my ex broke up with me because i suffocated her (and she finds it humorous that i'm now dealing with the exact same thing- only after i had addressed my codependency issues from a professional).

 

here and now

i absolutely love the girl i'm with but...

 

i still have strong feelings for my ex. we spent the weekend together and it was pretty wonderful. At one point, she wiped a visible tear from her eye. i'm not sure if it was from her contacts or a "real" tear. when we said our goodbyes, i fought back the tears... she did too- but even in the fight, you could still see the moisture. It was the first time we had been together, alone, and both in a fairly healthy, happy state. it felt different this time. She shared some things with me that her current gf does not know. She made several i'm glad you like this because ------ doesn't or i couldn't do/say that if ------ were here. little things, stupid things, that probably don't matter...

 

i know she loves her gf. i, too, love my gf immensely but not as much as [i had loved] my ex. Sometimes i wonder if my ex feels that too. i feel like i am cheating my gf of what she deserves- someone that loves her as much as she loves me. i also want to be able to love someone as much as i loved my ex; otherwise, i feel guilty. i'm just not sure if my heart will ever allow me that?

 

and through all of this- all i can think about is that goodbye and the way she walked me to my car and watched me drive away, something she had not done in such a long time, even towards the end of our relationship. And it hurts so badly to know i have to put it out of my mind.

 

if you made it to here, please, i need some input/feedback/advice.

[Meow18]

I think you are right. It's not fair to your current girlfriend. If you know that you don't love her as much as you loved your ex, and you are thinking about your ex still.. then you obviously aren't over her.

 

You might love your girlfriend, but right now you just want her around. I don't think that at this point you are able to give your heart to someone completely.

 

I think you have options though. No contact with your ex. Honestly, she's in a relationship with someone new. You need to respect that. And if the only way to respect that is to get over her, then that's what you have to do. Just try no contact for awhile.

 

Also, you need to really consider what you and your current girlfriend have.. and what it means to you. Sometimes we love someone but it's not enough. Sometimes we just can't give another person what they deserve.

 

I think that before you can really truly love another person, you have to get over your ex.

[Cadence308]

I think it sounds like you have a classic case of the "grass is greener elsewhere" syndrome. You are seeing things and your past relationship with your ex as so great because you are having current issues with your current gf. If you were with your ex you would see how great things were with this girl that you are with now. It happens. I think if you love the girl you are with then you should not see your ex or spend time with her because it will make you want something that you do not have and maybe should not have.

 

Enjoy what you have right now. Work on the issues that you are facing with your current gf and try not to live in the past because you will only remember the good things.

[Tigris]

I agree with everything Ballys says.

 

If your current girlfriend isn't the right person for you then don't play with her feelings, let her go.