What IS Dating?

[River]

So my boyfriend and i have been together for 8 months now. We love each other and were ALWAYS together. But he lacks romance. I know that with his ex's he's been romantic because i've heard him tell me stories of how they went out or he got them things. But he never takes me out. He works in the mall, so from time to time he bring me clothes, or the cinnamon pretzel i like home. However, when i discuss going out on a real date, he says he understands and he will take me out. But when the time comes that we plan something, something comes up, he gets real depressed about it, and he begs me to just stay home, order in, and watch Netflix movies all night.

 

 

He was my first everything. And were around each other 24/7. But i just want a little romance, a little more kissing and holding, and for him to come home one day and say, "I'm taking you out, get dressed." Am i asking too much?

 

 

 

Signed,

 

Riv

[Derek]

Well,

Doesn't sound like it's balancing out well for you. (you paying for most everything)

 

If you guys have been together for 8 months, might you have enough connection to talk about this honestly together? Like couldn't you gently remind him that he's got to give a little too.

 

If after talking about it (not just hinting but him really understanding), things don't change even a little...

 

Then can you live with what he's giving you? (sounds like you can't)

 

Then perhaps he's not the Long Term guy for you.

 

 

About what dating IS? well it's supposed to be "get-to-know-ya" time for two people to learn about each other and share experiences together to see if they are compatible for further exclusive commitment (often marriage). In reality it often is both people put their best foot forward and cover up their flaws. So you meet each other's best representative at first. So even when he's supposed to be putting his best foot forward, he's not cutting it? That's a bad sign. Imagine down the road when you are actually taken for granted, what kind of effort he'll put in then.

 

 

 

Derek

[RayKay]

Problems I see:

 

1) He does not seem too proud to show you off to the rest of the world (ie go on dates).

 

2) You are together "24/7" aka neglecting the rest of your life - friends, hobbies and creating an unhealthy dependency on him which will kick you in the butt later.

 

3) You feel being a great, perfect girlfriend means "shutting up and just being pleasant about it all". Being a great girlfriend does not mean paying for everything or putting up with being used. If you are bothered by the fact he never goes out with you, TELL him, set a date, and if he decides he wants to stay at home instead after arranging the date...GO OUT WITHOUT HIM!

 

Some people just don't have the same expectations of 'romance' others do. Relationships are not all roses and teddy bears...BUT, if someone seems to take you for granted, that is a problem.