My day with hubby at hospital

[sdblue]

Well, it has been a somewhat stressful day to say the least. We met with the counselor and I told her my side of things from start to finish. She tried to get him to see it from my point of view. Which he said he did blah, blah, blah.

After the meeting she walks me to the elevator and me and her talk more, She was rather in shock when I told her about all the things he had done since we had been married, come to find out he had not told the psych. doctor, nor had he told the doctor about the gun incident, or about the night he ran into the woods and I had to call the police.

So she made note of this and is giving it to the psych. doctor in the morning. Hubby thinks he may be released tomorrow, but not so sure now that I shared this.

He goes into this hospital to try to get the proper help, so how does he think he is getting the proper care if he is withholding info. like that.

Oh and one thing else I forgot to mention, at the end of the meeting when he was upset, he stood up and said this to me in front of the couns. "Now due everything you said in here I may be in here another 2 weeks" The couns. spoke up and said "You are trying to make her feel guilt ridden for you being in here" so I was happy that she set him straight on that one.

He told me before I left the hospital he would not call me no more, yeah right he has already called twice.

He yelled into the phone tell the counselor that you go and see on your own to "kiss my ..." He thinks my couns. is giving me the idea to get the divorce.

I told him that I did not want him to live in the house with us anymore, so he said due to his illness, it would be easier if me and the children moved out, how selfish of him after everything he has put me through. I'm the main care giver and I do not know what to do, I do not want to live with him no more. Legal Aide told me it would be best until the divorce is final to try to keep the children in the home and have him living somewhere else. And another thing he said to me over the phone, "If I have to I will tell the lawyer that you have abandoned me during my illness by wanting this divorce"

I started laughing and told him to tell the lawyer whatever he wanted to, that I knew the real reason for this divorce.

I can already see where this is going to lead "nasty" and that was the last thing I wanted.

I'm so frustrated and worn out with him and this whole entire mess!!!

 

 

Thanks guys for letting me vent

[Beyondthesea]

Good girl for telling the whole truth about everything. That is vital information and you are so strong.

 

You are doing fine, and things will be alright. I'm certain *as are you* that you've made the right decision.

[sdblue]

Thanks for your encouraging words. Sometimes I don't feel very strong. I just do not know what to make of him anymore. Looking back I wonder how and why I stayed as long as I did. I kept wanting to give him the benefit of the doubt, and too when I married I married for the long haul. Well the haul has now become overly heavy and I can't pack it no more.

 

Thanks again to everyone on this board

[Aurian]

Good luck, and hang in there. Even if he is sick, that is in no way an excuse for how he has treated you. He is just trying to manipulate you by trying to cause distrust in your counselor or create fear to get you to stay.

 

Don't fall for it! He'll say anything to get what he wants. Stay strong!

[sdblue]

He told the counselor today that he feels desperate. And you know what bugs me, a part of me feels a little sorry for him. I asked the counselor after the meeting why do I feel this way???

She said that it is the inner woman in me, we are usually more symp. than men. We are taught to try to hold things together for our familys.

He told the counselor today, that he and his mistress started talking he was attracted to her and she was attracted to him. I honestly thought I would jump out of my chair and start beating him to death. I even got nausated just hearing it come out of his mouth.

I feel like he is only concerned about himself right now. All I heard out of his mouth today was it was a mistake, a mistake. He's got that right.

I told the counselor, and out all the people to confess it too, he confessed it to my sister. She replied "he confessed it to the wrong woman"

A part of me thinks he done this because my sister was going through a divorce at that time, and I think he was letting her know that he would do things like that maybe hoping he would get her into bed.

I know that may sound crazy to some of you but after the stunts he has pulled in the past, nothing would surprise me.

I even told the conselor that he has watched programs where experts say that if you had a one time affair that did not last long, that it was better to keep it from your spouse, because telling them could do more damage than good and that is why he choose not tell me!!! She shook her head at him "Like Yeah Right"

You know this may sound awful of me but I'm glad it was a woman who counseled us today instead of a man. I feel like because she was a woman, she could see it more from a womans point of view.

He even told her that one of the reasons he done what he done is because at that time our son was alot younger and I would lay down to get our son to sleep and sometimes where I was exhausted I would fall asleep and not be in the bed with him, this did happen occasionally, but I always made sure to do my wifely duty if you follow me. She said to him, it was your child she was taking care of, did you feel jealous or what was the deal?? I felt like that was some lame excuse. I told the counselor this because she wanted my input about his affair I replied "he wanted him some strange, and at that time he had no thought or regards to our marriage or kids. He can make all the excuses in the world to me, but I will not sugar coat it, It is what it is, he wanted to stick his stuff where he had no business sticking it. So, now he is faced with the fall-out of it. And I also told her that there is not a doubt in my mind if that tramp would have left her husband he would have left me and our 2 children, but oh he loves me now.

I'm sorry for venting so much, I just feel like a volcano has erupted inside of me.

[Aurian]

No problem, that's what we're here for!

 

Wow, what a rough day.

 

Don't have much to say except.... ((((HUG)))

[Beyondthesea]

No worries blue. Feel free to talk as much as you like, we are here to listen.

 

It's so tough going through this and having to sit through counseling with him. Have you gone to a lawyer to get the divorce underway? It's not your problem he's in the hospital. At least then if you serve him papers he's there and they can deal with him. Of course talk to the counselor first but that's what I would do.

 

I am like you where I would put up with a lot of crap because I'm very committed, but cheating or near cheating would end it for me. Especially when he says "Oh yes I would have left her for sure" had this other woman consented? Forget it! Of course he regrets it now because who else will put up with him and look after him?

 

you are doing the right thing.

[sdblue]

The counselor took me to her office today, to talk with me privately, before they released him from the hospital. They have figured out that he has done all this to get me to feel guilty and try to maniuplate me into staying with him. But since he is not dilussional, and has not threatened himself or anyone they had to release him. He will not leave so I have decided to move out, I'm looking for a place to rent for me and the children, he refuses to leave and I cannot be around him.

I think I may have found a place, hope so.

They told me today at the hospital that he is a manipulator, they when he signed himself in he did not tell them the whole truth. They also said he is still not wanting to take respons. for his actions.

 

I'm so sad and scared

[Beyondthesea]

Hi,

 

My ex was exactly the same way. He tried to guilt me into staying and I moved out of my home so I wouldn't have to deal with him. I would do it over again in a heartbeat.

 

I'm glad the counselor said he is manipulative and not willing to take responsibility for his actions. That way you know this isn't you.

 

Read this: link removed Go to articles, then read "Identifying losers in relationships." Does he match a lot of those characteristics?

 

Keep safe and well.

[sdblue]

Well, the story just keeps getting bigger, tonight I found out from my younger sister, that when he confessed to my other sister about the affair, he also made a pass at her, he told her had always been sexually attracted to her and one time was even sexually attracted to another one of my sisters.

So, both my sisters even my mom and dad knew all this & kept if from me for months, I guess they were trying to protect my feelings, and felt like he should have been the one to have told me about the afffair.

Just please tell me what more has this stranger that I have been living with for 20 years done behind my back, and not only that I have just come to realize that this man, the father of my children has a sick twisted sexual problems. How much more will I learn before this divorce is final. Oh, and don't think that I didn't call him on it, and of course he denied, but my sister would not lie about it, he admitted to me that he told her about the affair, this sister also despises him, but no wonder.

I feel so used, betrayed and so sickened to my stomach. He has sat off and on all evening and cried and begged. I just can't take it no more, the attorney says it would be in my best interest due to the children to stay in our home, but husband or stranger refuses to leave, and legally unless he physically threatens me or mentally threatens me I cannot throw him out, no more than he can me.

But, I have decided this torture is not worth it, I'm moving.

[Beyondthesea]

I would also move. You two are married correct? Legally you are entitled to half of everything, plus child support. No worries there.

 

I can completely understand how you can't deal with the trauma anymore and need to get out. There's nothing wrong with needing to escape from this.

 

I'm so sorry you are finding out all these frightening things about your soon to be ex husband. How awful. You must be so upset and feeling so tortured.

 

I would truly recommend seeing a counselor right now, you are dealing with a lot.

 

Keep posting love, we're here.