afraid to get dog - commitment??

[abbett]

my partner of 6 years and i broke up last fall. it was a rough few months and then i felt i was ready to start dating again. i dated 2 people and i have been seeing one steadily since february - early february. we've had our share of issues as she is still working to become a whole person.....she just got into therapy a couple of months ago and needed antidepressant medication as well. our relationship has endured a lot. but i love her and believe she is a good person on her way to becoming a more complete person. in a lot of ways, i am waiting on her to catch up with me - i feel she's worth it. i am also being careful emotionally - i know there is no guarantee she'll ever catch me, but i'm trying to keep my head on my shoulders.

 

this is not really about her or my relationships. it's about me. but i was wanting to see if anyone could relate.

 

i have had a poodle dog for 3 years - i got her when my long-time poodle mix dog had to be put to sleep at age 16. she's been a perfect dog and i love her. i've been curious to get another poodle for a couple of years - to have 2. on petfinder i found one here locally. but she costs $200. she's 4 years old and is being fostered after her parents dropped her off at a shelter when they had to move. she's a great dog. i met her and was curious to see how she would be at my house. so the foster lady let me try her out this past weekend. it was perfect. she got along with my cat and my current poodle dog. she was sweet and even tempered. she slept with me and my current poodle. we were a happy family. she started following me around and cried when i left the house. i sensed she needed me and wanted me to be her mother. but on sunday when i was supposed to decide if i wanted her or not, i could not decide! emotionally i wanted her but then i had fears of the extra financial cost and how it might change my relationship with my current poodle dog.

 

so i returned her. i was very upset and cried most of the day remembering our brief time together.

 

then last night i convinced myself it was no big deal - that she was a great dog that i cared about and felt would be a great friend. so i emailed the foster lady and told her i wanted to adopt her as i had made my final decision.

 

she said ok. then this morning i woke up scared to death at the commitment! so i emailed the lady and told her i just had too many fears.

 

i am not a neurotic person.......but i feel neurotic about this! and my friends think i am not handling this quite right either.

 

i am wondering if this is related to the last 8-9 months of my chaotic life.

 

whta do you guys think?

 

i can;t stop flip flopping. even though the foster mom thinks i don't want the dog and probably wouldn't let me have the dog now if i asked her again, i want the dang dog again. i feel tortured about it. i love that dog. but i feel i can't commit to it!

 

what's wrong with me?

[Beyondthesea]

Why couldn't you commit to the dog? And I would make up your mind because it's not fair to the poor animal to be tossed from home to home, it confuses and upsets them.

 

Simply, you either take the dog or not. Make up your mind by weighing the pros and cons.

 

How old are you?

[abbett]

uh, your message sounded a little harsh and judgmental.

 

i am 34.

 

did you not see the rest of my post on what all i have been through the past 8 or 9 months?

 

I am thinking it's about my fear or commitment or change since i've had so much of that in such a short time.

 

i was simply asking if others thought that might be it.

 

the foster mother OFFERED for me to try the dog out this past weekend. i didn't ask her if i could. she offered because that particular dog is a very confident and emotionally healthy dog and she knew the dog would be ok for the weekend, even if i decided not to keep the dog. she did not offer to let me try the dog out only in the event that i agreed to permanently adopt the dog.

 

i'm actually sorry you read my post - because i was looking for some reassuring help - not a harsh criticism.

 

how old are you?!

[Tigris]

You've been going through a period in your life where it's been confusing so now you're bing indecisive. If you want the dog say yes this last time and welcome it with open arms. Look confident when you sign the papers. The dog deserves a good home and when the foster lady sees how well your dog looks then she will know that you'll be able to take good care of it.

 

Let me know what happens.

 

Good luck

[Beyondthesea]

Truly I didn't mean to come accross as harsh. I just feel really badly for animals!!!

 

Yes it does seem that this is stemming from your rough ride the past while, and it's good that you pieced that together on your own.

 

Don't feel that you can't make a good decision on this because of that, you truly know the right thing to do. As you said, you are being careful emotionally right now, and that is also carrying into everyday life for you, which is good. Lessons learned and carried forward are always great.

 

Again, sorry if I came accross as harsh. I am a huge lover of animals and I have been hearing a lot about animals being put 'here and there' a lot lately for some reason and it really struck a nerve.

 

You know what to do

 

And I'm 23 going on 50 it seems. I'm too old for my own good

[hoppy27]

i was in a similar place as you. so i can relate.

i resued a dog 1-1/2 years ago the day before x-mas. it is one of the best things ive done for myself in my 3.5 years of being single. its amazing how theraputic animals can be. she is my "bestfriend". she's there when im happy, sad, pissed, etc. she is the first thing i see when i get home from work, wake up in the morning and the last thing i see when i go to bed.

animals especially dogs are some of the most loyal creatures on earth.

 

i highly reccomend doing it. companionship doesnt neccesarily have to be from a human at all times. i spend tons of time with myself and my girl maggie(the dog).

 

plus she's real cheap and easy to please!!!!! some kibbles and bits and a belly rub and she's happy.

[abbett]

thanks for your responses. i am a huge animal lover as well. i've always had animals growing up - cats and dogs. my cat is 7 and my poodle i already have is 4. i got her at a shelter when i had to put my 16 year old poodle mix to sleep 2.5 years ago. i'm always on petfinder looking at the animals.

 

i swear i still don't know what to do. i'm no longer in contact with the foster mom but i keep looking at the dog's pictures online and remembering things about her. i guess i am scared about additional costs from the dog - altho i know she will cost me practically nothing for the next 8 or 9 years.

 

it's like i fear the change. i want her and feel good when i think of having her with me at the house and playing with my poodle i already have. then when i think of actually having her, i get scared.

 

i've always considered myself emotionally healthy and decisive, sure and certain about my life and things in it - with this, i honestly go back and forth in my mind. i try to forget the dog.......but i fell in love with her.

[Beyondthesea]

it's like i fear the change. i want her and feel good when i think of having her with me at the house and playing with my poodle i already have. then when i think of actually having her, i get scared.

 

Hmmm.

 

Well if that's the case, maybe it would be good for you to go and get her. The change will be scary at first, but you'll prove to yourself that it's ok over time, and you will adjust as well.

 

It is alright to feel this way, you have been through a lot lately it seems, and that is enough to make anyone feel out of sorts and not like themself.

 

Remind yourself how well the puppy fit into your home and how happy you were to have her. Would she really be that much extra hassle? Definitely not, and she will keep your other dog company as well. They'll be buddies

 

I'm so sorry you are feeling so questionable about the whole situation. You sound like you are very sincere when you say you want her.

 

Do you feel you are capable of caring for her?

You sound like you love animals, and would be a better owner to her than most. The two of you could be a good team

[abbett]

Thanks, BTS.......

 

I do feel I would be a great parent to her. I very much baby my pets and spend a lot of time with them.

 

I'm still not sure. Since the foster mom never responded to my heartfelt email about not taking her, I think she has grown tired of me and part of me is afraid to even ask her if I can have the dog at this point. She might think I am too unstable.

 

She's still available and I've told myself if she still is available next week, I might ask the foster mom if I can get her.......I think I still need some time and I think she probably needs to know I've taken the time to really sort it out instead of changing my mind again a day later.

 

I figure if she's still available next week, I am meant to have her, but if not, she was meant for someone else. At the same time, everytime I look on petfinder now, I am fearing she'll be gone.

 

Thanks for everyone's words. I appreciate it.