xcountryprincess Posted July 24, 2006 Share Posted July 24, 2006 So i went on my "first" first date with this guy i met at a summer program. He got my email adress, emailed me, and we've been talking and texting on the phone for the last two weeks. I thought i really liked him, he had an awesome personality on the phone ( i honestly didn't pay any attention to him during the program) and i was really starting to fall for him. We planned to go out this weekend and in all honesty interacting with him in person kind of killed it for me. First of he was 45 mins late, (yes 45 mins granted he'd never been to our location before and i think got lost but i gave him the adress so he could map quest it if need be). I brushed it off because i didn't want to make the rest of the night awkward. Either way, in person he wasn't as chatty (maybe he was nervous i don't know) so i was pretty much keeping the conversation going. I don't know it just didn't work for me in person and now i feel really bad because i've been acting like i was really keen on him (because i was) and now all of a sudden i feel differently. He sent me 2 texts this morning, normally i'll reply about 10 mins after he's sent. Today i just didn't reply, he then sent a text saying -You must have had a bad time last night not to have returned my text at all I felt awful! I just lied and said i didn't get them, then instead of texting him for an hour or so (like we normallly do) texted for about 20 mins and said i was tired and was going to bed. He's a really nice guy and i feel awful for changing my mind like this, i just didn't feel anything when i saw him, in fact i was kind of pushed in the opposite direction How do i let him know i don't want to persue anything romantic anymore? (Lets keep in mind there's a high probability i'll be seeing him next summer at this program and would love to keep things nice and civil ) Thanks in advance Link to comment
bhzmafia Posted July 24, 2006 Share Posted July 24, 2006 He probably was just nervous. Was it only the conversation that turned you off, or was it his appearance etc. Link to comment
arwen Posted July 24, 2006 Share Posted July 24, 2006 I think it's best to call him, and explain that you don't feel more than a friendship. Honesty is better than lying, you already felt guilty about saying that you didn't receive his texts. I assure you, sort of 'fading him out' (gradually not responding so that he will hopefully get the idea) will eventually hurt him more than being open to him. Just say that although you like him, there is no chemistry for a romantic relationship. Ilse Link to comment
xcountryprincess Posted July 24, 2006 Author Share Posted July 24, 2006 It was also his appearance i must admit. I didn't really get a gooood look at him during the program and i honestly didn't think he'd contact me (everyone was giving out contact info on the last day). I don't know he also seemed a little tooo smittened by me. When i looked at him he was doing that like gazing into my eyes thing. He was just too keen. On the phone and stuff he's had a playful more sarcastic personality, i felt he was trying to hard to impress me, and it just killed it for me. (i know i sound crazy, lol) Link to comment
bhzmafia Posted July 24, 2006 Share Posted July 24, 2006 Well then just let him know how you feel... Dont make up excuses, just tell him the truth. It might be hard on you, but at least he will know... Link to comment
bobo85 Posted July 24, 2006 Share Posted July 24, 2006 don't worry about this so much. You went on one date, and things didn't go well. I bet you guys emailed and texted soooo much that you guys had nothing left to say when you guys got together. You guys shouldve saved the chit chat for the date. The next time you guys talk just tell him that you dont want to pursue anything romantic with him. Link to comment
annie24 Posted July 24, 2006 Share Posted July 24, 2006 I agree with ilse. I would have been turned off by 45 minutes late also! did he tell you he was going to be that late? definitely, just tell him you don't feel a romantic chemistry needed to continue the relationship. I think that's fair. I had a guy say that to me recently after a first date, and I was fine with it. I appreciated him being honest and just saying it in a nice way. He said, "I had a nice afternoon hanging out with you, but I don't feel we have enough in common to make a go of things." So, no big deal. I think saying something similar to him will be the best way to go. don't say you want to be friends with him unless you REALLY mean it! Link to comment
xcountryprincess Posted July 24, 2006 Author Share Posted July 24, 2006 This morning he sent me another series of texts I have a question for you Did you have any fun saturday night The truth would be nice I texted him asking if i could call and talk to him but he said no (he's at work) and i should just text him what i want to say. So i texted back... I had a good time, but i've been thinking about it and seriously in not looking for anything more than friends with anyone, Schools gonna start and ASB and Cheer really aren't going to leave with much time senior year. I had an awesome time i just realised i don't want that right now. He hasn't replied, i feel bad for saying it in a text but he told me to (cowardly, i know). Oh well, at least i've learnt something about dating from all this. I just don't get how he knew i didn't have that AMAZING of a time, i acted fun and bubbly like my normal self? This dating thing is ridiculous, lol! Link to comment
annie24 Posted July 25, 2006 Share Posted July 25, 2006 I think your response to him was good, but maybe over the phone would have been better. how he knew you didn't have a great time with him? probably that you started acting more distant recently.... Link to comment
bobo85 Posted July 25, 2006 Share Posted July 25, 2006 you took the cheesy way out. You are probably gonna end up being one of the girls who say.."i need some space". I'm sorry to say this...but you should've just said..."i had an okay time but i just didn't feel the connection with you. I'm sorry but thats how i feel". But you said you don't want a relationship right now in general...which is a half truth. You dont want a relationship with HIM but if the right guy did come along you would jump on him like crazy. Link to comment
annie24 Posted July 25, 2006 Share Posted July 25, 2006 yeah, I do agree with that too. I am glad you told this guy you aren't interested but sometimes, the "I don't have time for a relationship" isn't always the best way to go. just better to say "i don't feel the romantic chemistry." (but then again, I did just tell a guy 2 months ago that I didn't have time for a relationship, which was true... but I still said it...) Link to comment
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