Should I send them?

[Empathy]

Hey guys. I'll be direct. I've been broken up with my ex for the past year and a half. I've been engaging in strict NC ever since (of course I had my slip ups but don't we all). He went into the military while we were dating and then his father passed away about a year later. While he was in boot camp his father and I emailed eachother a few times. Well, I thought they'd been deleted...until I was going through my incoming/saved mail. I had NO idea that aol had been saving all of my previously read emails since 2003! Well, I found the emails from his father and was wondering if maybe I should send them to my ex as a way to give him something more of his father. They were short and sweet emails but all of them gave mention of my ex. I'm still not over him. Nowhere near it. And when I discovered those emails I was floored and hurt all over again. I'm so torn up by those emails now that I can't study, which was what I had intended to do when I got online. So Should I? Or shouldn't I?

[tylercdurden2004]

I think he might like that. It all depends on what is said in the mails.

[Empathy]

Well, I've been resisting this strange urge to let him know how much I still love him which is a definite no no. I'm afraid that if I open the door enough to send those emails to him I'll end up uncontrollably busting it wide open and professing my still undying love for him. Pathetic, eh?

[Meow18]

I don't think you should send them. Not now at least.

 

You said you weren't over him. So I think that deep down, you really want to send those emails to have an excuse to contact him. And deep down you are going to expect some sort of reply from him. Which is only going to open the doors and get your hopes up.

 

Stick with no contact. Your ex probably has plenty of good memories of his father. And although it's a nice thought for you to send them, I don't think it would be wise. You sending those emails would only open you up more to be hurt worse.

[lilgothicdevil5533]

i think you should send them

[Empathy]

Your ex probably has plenty of good memories of his father.

Actually, he really doesn't have many good memories of his father which is the main reason I want to send them. But, yeah, you're right. There is that part of me that sees it as an excuse to contact him. Even though I DO NOT want a response from him. He's VERY capable of being cold. And he dislikes me immensely. I'd expect a negative response from him more than I would a positive one. But I know that he would appreciate it later.

[Aurian]

How about printing them out and snail-mailing them instead? Its a bit more removed and less impulsive than opening the email channels.

 

Tell him you noticed them, thought he'd like some memories of his dad, and leave it at that.

[Empathy]

I don't have his snail-mail address. I'm pretty sure he got his own apartment with that Russian hussy.

[Aurian]

Well, you could try looking it up online, or simply hold onto the letters until things have gotten less painful. Or do you know anyone who could pass it on to him?

[Meow18]

I think you are way to hurt to be thinking straight about this all right now.

 

That was a sweet idea. But I really think that this is just an excuse to contact him. Seriously, everyone tries to think of every reason possible to contact an ex when they are going through the break up. And just because it's a thoughtful thing doesn't mean that it's what is best for you at this time.

 

I just think that it would open you up to more hurt right now. That's what any form of contact does.. that's why it's called "no contact".

 

And like daisy said, if he can appreciate it now, then he will appreciate it months or years from now. I think you need to wait until you can think clearer about it all.