Dead-end flirting...

[lillady898]

Now, I feel ready to date around and see what's out there after getting out of a bad relationship. I have no problems at all when it comes to sparking conversation with guys. I can have great conversations to a point where I have friends saying, "someone looks like he's developing a crush on you."

 

Just recently I met a really cool guy, who seemed to be as into me as I was into him. It was at a hockey event, and while sitting on the bench we nearly heard eachother's whole life stories within the span of an hour and a half. When some of my friends would come by they would give me and encouraging smile, one whispered that I snagged a hot one. But did I snag him?

 

No. I had him playing with the bait, but I couldn't set the hook. Why? I don't know how to seem interested, even if I am genuinely interested. Before this guy in particular left there was an awkward pause until he finally said, "It was nice playing with ya'" and we parted ways. I'll probably never see him again, unless I'm lucky, of course.

 

It's kind of discouraging. I know what you're probably thinking. Just ask guys for their number when youre talking to them. I freeze when it comes to that part. I clam up during the deciding factor of whether or not we will see eachother ever again. How can I get the guy to ask me for my number? Or how can I do it myself? What am I missing here?

 

I can flirt all day and night but I rarely have anything to show for it.

[itsallgrand]

Have you ever asked a guy out before?

It's quite easy actually. It eliminates the waiting around fussing over whether he is gonna ask or not!

 

Since you're already great at flirting , just throw in a 'i've had a great time talking with you. Pick me up at 7 tomorrow?'. Something like that!

 

It's weird. In my experience, men have asked me out more often when i am not actively flirting. Aloof with a few smiles etc. has seemed to get them to ask. ? Huh. Never thought about it before.

 

I say just ask already. It becomes easier every time. What's the worst that could happen? He says no and you don't see him again. (well, you're not gonna see him again For Sure if you don't ask, right)

[jurupa]

Now, I feel ready to date around and see what's out there after getting out of a bad relationship. I have no problems at all when it comes to sparking conversation with guys. I can have great conversations to a point where I have friends saying, "someone looks like he's developing a crush on you."

Looks are deciving, trust me on this one. I had girls that looks and actted interested and where not at all, besides being friends.

 

Just recently I met a really cool guy, who seemed to be as into me as I was into him. It was at a hockey event, and while sitting on the bench we nearly heard eachother's whole life stories within the span of an hour and a half. When some of my friends would come by they would give me and encouraging smile, one whispered that I snagged a hot one. But did I snag him?

To answer your question you snag another friend, not a boyfriend. Spilling out your life story when you first meet a guy is usually a turn off for most guys and will view you as a friend and no more. This was a major mistake on your part.

 

No. I had him playing with the bait, but I couldn't set the hook. Why? I don't know how to seem interested, even if I am genuinely interested. Before this guy in particular left there was an awkward pause until he finally said, "It was nice playing with ya'" and we parted ways. I'll probably never see him again, unless I'm lucky, of course.

Well I geuss the first word for this pargraph gave you your answer to your question in the last one lol. You never had him playing bait and your hook was in the water with bait so he "swam" right past the hook. Like I said before you and him spilled out your life storys on the first meeting, which was a bad move. Unless he pushes you to tell your life story, then stay far away from it as possible and talk about other things. Its fine to birng up a story from your past into the coverstaion, but anything more is really a turn off. Tell your life story when you get two know the guy a lot better, that way he will be more attracted to you and will be ready to hear it. As far as showing that your interested in a guy what do you do to show that your interested?

 

Do you give physical contact like touching his arm, playfully punching him etc? Do you ask questions about him? Do you see where I am going with this?

 

It's kind of discouraging. I know what you're probably thinking. Just ask guys for their number when youre talking to them. I freeze when it comes to that part. I clam up during the deciding factor of whether or not we will see eachother ever again. How can I get the guy to ask me for my number? Or how can I do it myself? What am I missing here?

Well since you bolded a question you seem most interested in getting the answer in I will answer that one. If you for some reason you can not bring your self around to ask for the guys number, try and encorage the guy to ask for your number, ie lead the guy on to it thru converstation. Or if you are actually interested in the guy ask the guy out. Ask the guy if he would like to go out for lunch or something like that sometime. If he says yes then ask for his number and while you are at it give him yours.

 

As far as what your missing, just read along.

 

I can flirt all day and night but I rarely have anything to show for it.

Becuase you have learned how to do it with ease, but the other skills in getting a guy as a boyfriend have gone by the wayside. Guys like the attention from girls that are willing to flirt, but if there is nothing else there, then they split. The next time you are talking to a guy your interested in, show that there is more to you than just the fliritng, becuase I bet that your filirting is covering up what you have to offer to guys, and most guys can not see past the filirting your doing so they end up putting you in the friend zone.

 

 

Also always remember with guys it is usually best to be direct with us, as it will make things a lot eaiser on both sides.

[lillady898]

I say just ask already. It becomes easier every time. What's the worst that could happen? He says no and you don't see him again. (well, you're not gonna see him again For Sure if you don't ask, right)

 

Very valid point, itsallgrand. The more I think about it, the more I realize that I've never actually asked someone out myself. Usually the other guy pursued me, and that was only after seeing the guy over and over (friends of friends usually). I'm guessing I'm way out of practice when it comes to this, and it doesn't really help that most of the people I meet are 1-2 hours away from where I live. Eh.

 

Like I said before you and him spilled out your life storys on the first meeting, which was a bad move. Unless he pushes you to tell your life story, then stay far away from it as possible and talk about other things.

 

As far as this goes, jurupa, this wasn't the case. It was more like he would talk, ask a question, I would answer, ask a question, and so on. I know better than to go on and on about myself without being attentive to the other persons' life. Sometimes I would ask him to show me how to do something, and he would take my stick and show me. I listened intentively, reitterated some of the things about him so he knew I was listening, laughed with him, he laughed with me, and so on. I didn't bother with the whole touching him because I just met the guy and it'd make it a bit awkward to be all over him when we were both in our hockey gear. Overall it was a very fun time, and he was very sweet.

 

I think that my ability to flirt doesn't cover my personality at all, actually. I just lack the ability to show whether or not I like guys as more than friends, and would like to know how to do that. And I'm guessing the best way to do so is just as itsallgrand said, actually asking him out. Practice makes perfect.

 

Thanks for the replies.

[jurupa]

As far as this goes, jurupa, this wasn't the case. It was more like he would talk, ask a question, I would answer, ask a question, and so on. I know better than to go on and on about myself without being attentive to the other persons' life. Sometimes I would ask him to show me how to do something, and he would take my stick and show me. I listened intentively, reitterated some of the things about him so he knew I was listening, laughed with him, he laughed with me, and so on. I didn't bother with the whole touching him because I just met the guy and it'd make it a bit awkward to be all over him when we were both in our hockey gear. Overall it was a very fun time, and he was very sweet.

Ok I didn't know that you ask questions about each other and leard about each other lifes. That makes a difference. If your interested in a guy it is almost needed to have some physical contact there, becuase it shows your confortable enough with the guy to come into his personal space while at the same time inviting him into yours. I am not saying you need to be all over the guy. I have had various girls touch me when they bearly know me and without being all over me. They usually grab or just touch my arm. I can see with hockey gear it would make such things difficult, but get creative then.

 

I think that my ability to flirt doesn't cover my personality at all, actually. I just lack the ability to show whether or not I like guys as more than friends, and would like to know how to do that. And I'm guessing the best way to do so is just as itsallgrand said, actually asking him out. Practice makes perfect. glass is either half full or half empty, take your pick. The best way to let your personality come thru is to normally open your self up. I am not saying let your guard down and open the flood gates, but once you see that your interested in the guy, open your self up some and let him see who you really are. You can also do what itsallgrand said as well and just ask the guy out. But when you do this be ready for mix responses and reactions, becuase some guys don't like it when a girl ask them out while others will be surprised and may say yes or no, and others will welcome it. I know a couple weeks ago when this girl walked up to me at my old job and started to chit chat some and then walked over to her friend I was a bit shock and stund what had happened. I messed up and miss my chance with her, but that is just a reaction I had when I had a girl walked up to me. I would be more shock and stund if I had talk to her more and she ask for my number. I would have given it to her tho.

 

Also in showing that you are interested in a guy you may want to be aggressive with the guy, but not to aggressive. Basically take what gusy do when they flirt and show interest in you and just flip it around and use it on them and I bet you will see that with a touch of girlyness (I have no idea if that is a word or not lol), you see that what guys use tends to work on us as well. That is the beauty of flirting, both sides can pretty much use the same games and tools on each other.

Thanks for the replies.

Your welcome.