im already dead inside, why not finish the job?

[dpressedone89]

forgive me in advance, im running low on my trade-mark sarcastic wit tonight. Ive finally hit bottom, my legs broke and i ahve no desire to get up. this life has done nothing but throw one terrible event after another at me and im sick of it. I want to die, i dont think ill make it to tomorrow i dont know if i need help or what i just thought id update you all on my lovely state of mind at the moment, if i survive to see tomorro ill update you again,

forever, love to my real friends, even if they dont love me back,

-stitches

[sumguy]

You're only 17, man. To assume that your life now, at 17, is the best it's ever going to be is stupid, if you don't mind me saying so. Curiosity keeps me going through the tough times, if I died today, how would I ever know what was going to happen tomorrow?

 

What if in a week everything is different? What if in a week everything is better? You'll miss out on it if you die tomorrow. 17... your natural life expectancy means you'll probably live another sixty or so years, do you not think things can get better in that time?

 

What makes you think you're dead inside?

[dpressedone89]

because ive been through oodles of stuff in my life, suicide, rape, abuse,drug addiction, and heartbreak and i hadnt felt an emotion in 4 years until tonight, i broke down crying and finally realized that this is it, my spot in life is gods sad little hacky sack to be kicked around until i rip open get left out in the rain and stuck on the roof,

 

-stitcheS

[sumguy]

Admittedly, I was lucky enough to avoid the drugs, but everything else on your list I've gone through as well, as have many others. Perhaps you should try and identify why you haven't 'felt' anything? When was the last time you felt happy? or angry?

 

Just remember, at any point in time everything you're feeling is probably being felt by hundreds of other people around the world. You're not alone in feeling like this.

[dpressedone89]

i ahvent felt anything since my best friend bled to death in my arms waiting for an ambulance because he cut himself too deep 4 years ago now. last time i felt happy was when i was 6 at a baseball game with my dad and my cousin, angry was when my gf's dad punched her in the mouth and made her cry in front of me

-stitches

[sumguy]

Try and emulate the last thing that made you happy. How is your relationship with your father? Maybe the two or you could go play baseball or something, or you could talk to your parents about what you feel. Think of the thing you enjoy most in the world, and go do it.

 

And don't tell me there's nothing, everyone has something they love to do, even those of us who are 'dead inside'

 

And hang in there, life is always worth living, no matter how bad it might seem right now.

[dpressedone89]

my dad beats the crap out of me on a regular bases and my mom is 500 miles away, she stole all my money and my car and left when i was younger, i know everyone has something that makes them happy, its unfortunate that my SOMETHING is a SOMEONE and im here alone far away from theone person who can make me happy, its better this way though, id just ruin her life to

-stitches

[CynicalGuitarist]

Hey man, I'm not gonna tell ya how much worse or better I have it than you, cause it's irrelevant. I mean, you seem to be rather intelligent, by judging on the posts you had on my illustrious thread. My life isn't exactly pretty at this time, but what I do when I feel like it's more than I can take is to consider my dreams... think about some things I'd really like to have... even if they are stupid toys like a BMW or a Segway or whatever... but an item I really want is a drum kit. I suck terribly at drums, but I still have a drive to want to play. I know at my late age, I'd probably never be any "good", but I'd like to play so I can record some of my own albums. Something else I'd like in my life is a pet... like a kitty. Because my mom is allergic, and most of my friends haven't been around (I don't have too many friends in the first place), I've always wanted a cat to keep me company and be the independent friend I never was. It's been giving me some initiative to move out on my own someday. Hell, don't take my word for it, sometimes ya just gotta think about what you really, really want (no matter how unattainable) and imagine yourself earning what you want in your own mind. I know it sounds stupid, but it has been some pretty decent therapy on me, and that is really saying something... I mean, be as miserable and depressed as you want, but for this forum's sake, don't kill yourself! The hacky-sack imagery is pretty vivid and clever... I could honestly really relate to it. Perhaps try poetry? Maybe if you keep at it, it might take you places you would never expect. Regardless, I hope you at least consider what I've typed before you choose to end it all.

 

Best wishes,

Mr. Cynical

[dpressedone89]

i have tried poetry i have like 60 poems on this forum, and i feel a spree of a ton more coming on if i survive the night, it sucks to have your heartbroken and you reason for living ripped away from you all in on instant

[CynicalGuitarist]

i have tried poetry i have like 60 poems on this forum, and i feel a spree of a ton more coming on if i survive the night, it sucks to have your heartbroken and you reason for living ripped away from you all in on instant

 

60 poems? That's pretty damn good! At least, better than me. I wrote poetry at about 15/16, but realized I sucked at it and couldn't use them as songs anyways. I say if you have a spree for more poems, than write and write and write some more. It'd be a helluva lot better for you than straight-up giving up on yourself and letting everyone else's doubt within you win. People doubt me all the time for countless reasons, but it gives me a reason to live. Maybe use your creative power to create a new reason to live? Just an honest suggestion...

[dpressedone89]

ill try it, i dont need love anyway lol but i want it so bad, o well i dont ever get what i want, ill post some poems tomorro maybe thanks to those of you who helped,

 

-stithceS

[sumguy]

If there's nothing keeping you in your current life, and if it is as bad as it sounds, why not leave?

 

I don't mean just pick up and go right now. Unless, like, you can and you want to, but set goals and build up to leaving, establishing your own independance, perhaps holidaying closer to the someone who makes you happy in a few weeks... Every day is worth living because it brings you closer to the goal.

 

Suicide is seen by those contemplating it as an escape, it isn't really an escape, it just kills you. Leaving town is an escape with all the added bonus of you staying alive. Take a holiday and get away from all this stuff which is bringing you down.

[Spugly Fuglet]

In the UK we have a TV show called X facter, its where Simon Cawl and the gang get to see young singers come in a do there stuff, Amrican Idel is the same I believe.

 

Well if you have seen the show, you know there are to kinds of singer that get to meet the big man him self, Good ones a and very bad ones.

 

What gets me about the show is how well most of the bad ones take his so called wit and how badly some of the good ones take it.

 

There was this one girl and she was good, She came in to the hall with her huge family and lots of freands, and was after being encoreged by them all lead off to do her Ordiction. She came in and song her hart out, after she had done she looked on with hope at the 3 jugues.

 

They look at her and say said yes she song well, and yes she looked good but today they had somre real good singer in and she just did not hit the mark they where looking for that day. Thay asked her age which was 16 and said she should try again next year.

 

I remember the girl walking out in shock and as soon as she was out the door her family hudeled around her. The Host of the show cam up and asked her how she felt, and this is what she said.

 

"This has been my dream all my life and they ended it, my life is over, this is no resan for me to carry on"

 

Than she ran off crying.

 

I looked at this, and all that went throw my mind was SHES 16s old, all her life she as dreamed of this ALL HER LIFE! my god what she going to do now with the next 60 years? 60 YEARS!.

 

To her all she could see was the 4 to 8 years she has wonted to be a singer and just could not see beyound that to the rest of her life.

 

The 60 years full of love, travil, hope, marrage, children, jobs, acumplichments, driving, travilaing and all the other things that are the joys of life.

 

her hopes of singing are just a very very small part of a vast and long life.

But to her she has no way of knowing that, to her, that NO in the room was all she could see and more to the point Thing beyond.

 

Life is a huge vast thing, we move and change as we go thorw it all the time dreams come and go, we wish for things and when we get them we find we need more.

 

death clames us all but dont throw in the towl becouse one small part dos not work, running of crying saying I can see now futuer just means you can not see beyound todays problems.

 

At 17 your at the start of life, out there the world awits you,

 

So whats it going to be, running towords it or running away?

[nottoogreen]

Hi dpressedone,

 

You want to move out in 6 months. Then you have your life.

 

Firstly, make it your expectation that you will be out of there on "February 14, 2007"

 

Until then, plan and work for this day, where you stay, work.

 

As it may help you to understand as well as watch yourself. Keep your expectations in mind when you read this.

 

You have a future!

[FoxLocke]

Depressed one, please don't end it. For the simple reason that I love reading your posts. You may not believe that your life is not worth living but alot of us like you as a person and don't want you to go.

Maybe if you can't live for yourself then live for the people who think you are great?

 

I would plan for the future, as nottogreen has stated, and get the hell away from the abusive dad. Once you remove yourself from that environment of negativity no telling how much your life will change for the better.

Hell, you could leave right now...But I would get my highschool diploma first.

 

Don't kill yourself. It gets better. Take it from me because I tried to end it all with a bottle of sleeping pills when I was 17.

[AnotherBrokenDoll]

wow your having a hard time aren't you! I'm sorry to here that and i know it must really suck. I'm not going to pretend to know how you felt watching your friend die. I've never been through that but many people have. Many people have got right up from it and jumped back into life. It doesn't mean that that happened straight away or that they didn't hurt. Of course they did but you can't dwell or whats in the past or on your dreams. You have to look at right now. What can you do now? How can you become happy again? You have to focus on getting yourself back up and not looking at how bad life is. I hope you don't give up because you say you have one person who makes you happy well imagine how that person would feel without you. You only have 6 months until your moving out just keep looking forward to the things that will brighten your day

 

Good luck and i hope you feel better soon!