Closed doors on friends. Your advice would be great.

[maroB]

Its been a while since i have actually posted anything here, but i guess it would be nice to get a different perspective on my particular situation.

 

Basically i have pushed any and all friends so that i can guarantee that i will not be hurt by anyone. Last year was a horrible year in terms of learning what friends are, and i feel that I have to step back and think about what i want out of people and hopefully what they want out of me.

 

I guess this might have all started when my roomate/business partner told me, "Well if you think like that why arnt you a priest?".... that totally shocked me. I mean its like i was being put down for being an honest person. To say the least i moved out and ended our partnership. I saw that person for the his true colors, picked up and left. But that conversation with that chap, opened my eyes. I started to notice that the people i hung around with were only using me in their own ways.

 

One never listened to my advice, now she is with some ghetto drug user and i will not have that, especially after all my warnings... i say let her learn on her own im done with that crap. i put in my 2 cents and she did not learn anything. NEXT.

 

A few stopped talking to me simply because i would not mix money with friends, and the list does go on. some people were petty and deceitful, others just used me.

 

In the end, i came out with a feeling of disgust and disbelief. I feel that people only really have you around to fill in some sort of need.

 

well enough of my ranting and sorry for the poor grammar, its way after midnight here and i must get some sleep. what i would appreciate is some feedback. and i would be happy to answer any questions.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

It's hard to find good friends, I'll agree with that. I don't know if I have any answers.

 

Maybe one suggestion, is to "Diversify", like they tell you to do with your financial investments.

 

This way, your eggs aren't in one basket.

[Platypus]

It is true that friends keep you around to fill some sort of need, isn't that human nature? You enjoy hanging around with certain people because they add to your happiness as well. They are fun, intelligent, inspiring, funny, adventurous, what have you. They can help add to your life and make you a better person. In my opinion, that's fine.

 

Cutting friends off for valid reason, I think, is perfectly legitimate. I am fortunate to have a lot of close friends. However, there have been a number of close friends who I am still on good terms with, but no longer talk to. Once I lose respect for someone, that's it. I feel as though I do not want to surround myself with people I don't respect, mean people, people who I do not aspire in some way to be like.

 

Meeting new people is easy - you need to keep an open mind and be open to new experiences and convey that willingness to others. I'm still learning - but the key is to be positive and fun, and it will happen.

[randiandriien]

What you said actually makes sense. I had a friend who was with a guy who would verbally abuse her. I always drove like 30 miles to go to her house to calm her. She would call when she was feeling bad about him. I told her to stay away. Did she listen? Of course not! She stayed with him. One day at work we were joking about something and I accidently saw her arm with bruises on it. Guess who put them there? One guess!!! Grrr! He started hitting her. I told her to get away. Once my life got into danger, I was OUT! You can only give someone so much before they just drive YOU to the point of insanity! It's like beating a dead horse...ugh what an ugly way of saying it! (I'd never beat an animal!!!)

 

Anyway, it's nice to be around people who won't use you and will actually listen to your advice, even if they don't always follow it. But when they constantly end up in trouble because they wouldn't follow the help you gave, it gets frustrating! Friends who don't believe in money/friendships mixing are after one thing...your money! A true friend would have said...ok whatever and moved on (continuing the friendship)! lol

[Caldus]

Yeah, it's tough to find good friends these days. Well, for me, anyhow.

[DaDancingPsych]

Your question really hits home, as I too had to cut off a really good friend (and a couple of "causal friends"), because she wasn't being a kind, thoughtful, and caring person. It's tough to let go of people you love!

 

I think the key is to keep things in perspective. We are all human and we're going to make mistakes (a lot of them). And we need to accept one another and our faults. However, when someone is living their life thoughtless and refusing to think for themselves and repeatedly making the same huge mistakes, we have to cut them off. You can only go so far to saving drowning person, they have to do some of the kicking!

 

Surround yourself with good people and it's easier to be a good person! I know that sometimes it feels like the negativity that certain friends brings seems universal, but there are good/well-meaning people out there!!! Keep searching!