Is she reaching out? Or just getting irritated?

[blindreepr]

So I decided to unblock my ex on AIM today, within 2 minutes she IMed me. This is pretty much how the convo went

 

Her: Hey...nm...lol

Me: ??

Her: I was gonna invite you over to come swimming but the pool is still cloudy

Me: Oh, lol. Well I am way to busy today, I will be in Mo-town, but I have lots of stuff to do.

Her: Whats new

Me: Lol

(small talk for a couple of minutes, me not letting her not know too much about what is going on in my life)

Me: Well I gotta go get ready for the day

Me: Call me sometime

Her: maybe

Her: If you ever decide to answer the phone

Me: I cant make any promises but I will do my best, lol

Her: K bye bye

Me: Talk to ya later

 

 

Is my LC just irritating her, or making her give up on wanting to talk to me? I only ignored 2 calls to my cell phone and wasnt home for 1 call to my house, then I turned off my cell and called her two days later. It's like she is expecting me to still be at her beckon call or something, and is pissed that I'm not.

 

Her inviting me to go swimming is just an excuse to see me, we have been talking about hanging out eventually and she brought up swimming. It's like she wants a GOOD excuse to see me, but can't think of any right now, lol. And wants me to be the one thinking of ideas reaching out for her and not the other way around. Am I making progress or taking 1 step forward and two steps backwards?

[REDIRECT43]

Why are you playing games with her? Do you want her back or something? She's just saying hi and seeing what's up...no need for games my friend.

[always_hurt]

Unfortunately if this is a way to get your ex back then it might be pushing her away a little bit. I know that if it was me, then i would be more hesitatant to contact you again due to fear that i would be finding out how busy you are and getting jealous. Who ended the relationship? If you want her back then just be nice and chatty but dont mention anything about the relationship. Be friendly tho and she'll like that If you dont want her back atall tho then i would suggest just cutting off all contact. Good luck! xx

[andrew05151]

Hes probably scared to go back in head first. Scared she'll dump him again, and he'll have to go through such pain.

 

Im just describing myself, though

[Haven]

Do you want to get back together with her?

 

If not, I would suggest moving on with your own life and not worrying about whether she wants to hang out with you or not.

[blindreepr]

Not sure if I want her back, I will make that decision if and when she comes back. Thinking about it now will only prolong my healing period. I don't think I am playing games, I REALLY am busy today. I have to go workout, make an appt for a tattoo, go check to see if the auto place has the part I ordered, if so fix my car, then go to the town next door and talk about finicial aid with my school, get transcripts from another school and then be home by 5 o clock so I can lay sod in my backyard.

 

She is the one that dumped me, she is the one that told me with a smile on her face that she cant wait for her parents to leave for vacation so that she can be friends with benefits with some dude she had a crush on for the last 3 months of our relationship.

 

So are you guys saying I shouldn't be as busy, and that I should try and initiate contact with her because my new busy life without her is putting her off? I thought that was the point of NC, to get yourself back and maybe in the process get them back also.

 

It's only been 5 weeks since she broke up with me, I am remaining friendly and cordial when I talk to her, I dont bring up the relationship anymore. What am I doing wrong?

[andrew05151]

Nothing. You're using discretion. You're being reserved. You're not diving in head first. I think that's fine. The relationship is broken and it won't work out. You know that, I'm sure. I know that for my own situation. We still need to feel it out, though...

[heloladies21]

Her talking about boinking some other guy is a bad thing. No chick would say that to a guy who she was considering getting back together with.

 

This is set up all wrong and you're gonna get hurt 100x worse when it finally sinks in that she's done with you. Come clean with her. Tell her the only reason you want her to contact you is if she's interested in getting back together, otherwise not to call because this "let's just be friends" route is a sure way to a broken heart.

[Haven]

So are you guys saying I shouldn't be as busy, and that I should try and initiate contact with her because my new busy life without her is putting her off? I thought that was the point of NC, to get yourself back and maybe in the process get them back also.

 

It's only been 5 weeks since she broke up with me, I am remaining friendly and cordial when I talk to her, I dont bring up the relationship anymore. What am I doing wrong?

The point of NC is to get yourself back without having to worry about this kind of ex-related stuff.. it doesn't sound to me like you're necessarily doing anything wrong.

[lady00]

You're doing fine. It's not surprising that she's a little miffed that you aren't bending over backwards to call her back right away. I think you're doing the right thing. Keep on doing your thing and keeping busy.

[blindreepr]

Unfortunately if this is a way to get your ex back then it might be pushing her away a little bit. I know that if it was me, then i would be more hesitatant to contact you again due to fear that i would be finding out how busy you are and getting jealous. Who ended the relationship? If you want her back then just be nice and chatty but dont mention anything about the relationship. Be friendly tho and she'll like that If you dont want her back atall tho then i would suggest just cutting off all contact. Good luck! xx

 

After reading this reply I started to feel alittle bit bad. She did seem pretty irritated on AIM about me not being there. I had a couple minutes of free time while in her city so I decided to call her up. No answer, I started to think I did the wrong thing, but then 10 minutes later she is calling me back. I told her that I was just in town and before I could say anything else she asked me to come over. I told her that I felt bad that she felt like I was avoiding her, that I wasnt, I have just been busy, and I would treat her to a smoothie if she wanted.

 

She ofcourse accepted the offer. When I got to her place she invited me in, I declined saying I didnt have much time, but wanted to take a couple minutes free time that I did have to take her to robeks which is right around the corner from her place. We had a good convo, she asked if I had been keeping active, with sports and stuff (which is something that I NEVER did while we where in a relationship) so I told her to decide for herself and I lifted up my shirt alittle bit so that she could see the six pack that was starting to appear on my stomach, needless to say she was impressed and instantly tried grabbing for it. I pulled away alittle bit letting her know I was just gonna GIVE it to her.

 

I kept the meeting short but sweet, saying my time was short and I needed to go. I also let her know that if she wanted to hang out again to give me a call, and that I would do my best to answer the phone but I couldnt make any promises. When she got out of my truck she left with a kiss on the cheek and let me know that she would be in touch.

 

 

I think I did a good job of letting her know that if we were going to hang out, it would be on my terms, I told her that if she wanted me to come over for swimming it would have to be on wed cause that is my only free day next week. And I let her know that if she wanted to hang out that she can call me. (I didnt say that I wouldnt call her, but I wont) Essentially letting her know that I do want to hang out, but I dont NEED to hang out with her or be with her to be happy.

 

 

Through all the reading I have done on this forum, different e-books I bought, working out and getting accepted into a Respiratory Therapy program I think I have myself back, though LC sure did help out alot. Sure I may want her back, but I am perfectly fine if I don't get her back, in fact I may even be better off if I don't get her back. Right now I am just trying to stay somewhat mysterious, fun, confident and funny.

 

Any advice on how to continue or should I just keep doing what I am doing?

[blindreepr]

anything at all?

[blindreepr]

She sent another myspace friend request, the last one she sent was accidently denied since I was denying a bunch of crappy bands and accidently hit deny on hers too. When we were talking yesterday I told her this and told her that she needs to send another one (once again, making HER to one to reach out to me, not the other way around )

 

It was only yesterday that this happened, and it seems like I am making progress with her, rebuilding the attraction, etc. Why am I so impatient? I want stuff to happen NOW, lol. I'm not going to be the one to call her though, she knows that if she wants to talk, she can call me. If not then its NC on my part. She is making the effort to reach out to me right now and that's how it should be right? Arg, my impatience is killlllling me

 

Tell me I'm on the right track, or if I'm not, tell me what I am doing wrong!

[heloladies21]

I'm sorry my friend, but this type of emotional game playing will not work. I've seen it time and time again and it'll leave you hurt and prevent you from healing up for as long as this is going on.

 

Your view isn't correct. By her being able to call you whenever she wants, she has all the control. By her keeping in touch with you in this friends limbo instead of a relationship, she gets all of the emotional support she needs to make the break up as painless as possible for her. Also this is all giving you false hope because you're reading too much into her actions.

 

Until you get to the breaking point where you demand either a relationship or complete NC going either way, this won't get solved. This is what you do if you wanna do what's right for you.

[blindreepr]

I'm sorry my friend, but this type of emotional game playing will not work. I've seen it time and time again and it'll leave you hurt and prevent you from healing up for as long as this is going on.

 

Your view isn't correct. By her being able to call you whenever she wants, she has all the control. By her keeping in touch with you in this friends limbo instead of a relationship, she gets all of the emotional support she needs to make the break up as painless as possible for her. Also this is all giving you false hope because you're reading too much into her actions.

 

Until you get to the breaking point where you demand either a relationship or complete NC going either way, this won't get solved. This is what you do if you wanna do what's right for you.

 

Sadly, you are right. I just sent her a myspace message essentially saying that I can't be friends with her right now. It was possibly the hardest thing I have had to do in the past 6 weeks and I feel like I am back at day 1 of the breakup. Full on NC for me right now. She may be shocked, and she may even fight it, but this is what I need for me right now, and unless she wants to get back together this is the best thing for me.