move on

[no_bad_news]

I wondered why other people that have ended relationships are able to move on and I am not. It seems as though I have been confronted with the fact that I am seriously not able yet. Alot of people I know already have other boyfriends, girlfriends, and it seems more like they have someone to have sex with.

 

I am wondering if you move on fast or slow, and what that means to people in here.

[Cadence308]

I am one of those slow movers. It takes me forever to get over a person emotionally. It doesn't matter if it was just a strong attraction on my part. It still takes forever and by forever I mean years. My last strong attraction whom I still have feelings for, well...it's been 2 years next month since I realized I had feelings for her. My attraction before that, I think I was a booty call for him. We never had sex, but hard core make-out sessions. I was really into him for like 7-8 years and unable to think of being with anyone else or even try to be with another person. The person before that was about 2 years.

 

So, I think I can relate to you. It makes no sense to me how people can be over an ex in a couple of months. It seems to me, if I were to actually be in a relationship with someone and have sex with them and it didn't work out for whatever reason, I would be tormented for years.

[byates5637]

 

So, I think I can relate to you. It makes no sense to me how people can be over an ex in a couple of months. It seems to me, if I were to actually be in a relationship with someone and have sex with them and it didn't work out for whatever reason, I would be tormented for years.

 

 

Yea it makes no sense to me either. I have no clue how someone can base thier whole world around you for years and then one day just decide to end it and be happy with thier decision. I have no idea how someone could push the closest person out of thier life and forget about it in a couple weeks.

 

 

I am a slow mover too. Its been 3 years since my first love left me, it took about 1.5 years for the pain to go away, and even now i still think about her a few times a week. It has been about 5 months since my second love left me, and i am still tormented by the pain day and night. SO i guess the point of my post is "You are not alone" lol

[Dako]

Takes me a long time.

If you give it your all, it drains you when it crumbles.

Maybe hold back and don't risk your feelings next time.

 

Nah!

[lostNspace]

Takes me a long time, too. But, for some reason, I tend to do the majority of my grieving BEFORE the relationship is officially over. I can see it coming to an end and start preparing for it. I can't imagine what it would be like to be blindsided by a breakup. Not sure I'd ever get over something like that.

[no_bad_news]

I think it is hard when your friends want you to move on. And you can't. I don't talk about it alot. It seems they bring it up to me. What he's doing. What his new gf is like.

 

It was hard for me because he said he wanted to work it out, and suddenly he didn't. I think it is hard now because I am constantly being told how he's doing. And I compare that to myself. He seems happy. And content without me. And I am pretty unhappy. I feel like I know I was unhappy with him in towards the end of the relationship, but I can't believe I am replaceable.

 

I also don't make connections as easily as other people, and that bothers me.

[stolenshadow]

You need the right environment to heal. Your friends possibly mean no harm but the constant talk of your ex is not going to help.

 

So you have to make a decision, you either spend less time with those friends or you ask them to stop talking about that subject in front of you.

 

It's irrelevant to you if he's happy or sad, the only thing important in your life is YOU, if you are not happy and think some things can change do it, if all that makes you unhappy is beyond you then let it go.

 

You are not replaceable because your value is not based on what your ex thinks of you, you are valuable for and by yourself.

 

We all have different personalities, don't feel bad if you are not like "others", don't compare yourself, but if you think how you are can be improved slightly then focus on that, just don't put pressure on it because it won't help matters.

[no_bad_news]

Thanks for the advice, stolenshadow.

 

The sentence about not being replaceable stood out because that is how I feel. I feel that you proved a good point. I am valuable. What he has now is different, but the part that hurts is that he does similar things with her. Anyway, I did talk to my friends about not telling me anthing about him. It is just too painful for me.

 

I am different when it comes to getting involved. I felt jealous that I am not letting go, and he already has a new gf. I know what it is like to be ALONE beause of this

 

anway thanks.