How To Let Him Know I Am Simply Not Interested?

[Cute Band Rat]

Hey gang!!!

 

Got a dilemma.

Met this guy a couple months ago on MySpace, and we hit it off pretty well. Lot of flirting, etc. I was initially interested in him and we met one night out at a hangout he likes. Had a few drinks and good conversation. We both left separately. I gave hima small peck on the lips goodbye.

 

Now don't get me wrong...this guy ISN'T hounding me to go out....but I can tell he wants to take it further. I didn't talk to him AT ALL last week. He sent me a message on MySpace asking what I wanted to do for the 4th. Implying that he wanted to hang out. I replied that I had plans with a few friends...which I DID. H e seemed cool with it...then nothing more till this morning I got another message...

 

Hey Gorgeous,

 

How ya been? Why haven't I heard from you (I know, what a nag, eh?) and when am I gonna have the pleasure of your company again?

 

I hope all is well . . . and I look forward to hearing from you soon.

 

muah

F-

 

I haven't replied....and not sure I want to.

I KNOW I need to be honest and tell him I'm not interested anymore...

but this is hard for me to do. I HATE it when people aren't honest with me.

 

The truth is...he's a NICE guy..and I WAS interested at first, but my interest kinda waned a bit.

 

Any tips on how to handle this?

Thanks guys.

[lara78]

just out of curiosity, what made your interest wane?

 

I would be honest...just tell him that it seems like he is romantically interested in you and you are not looking for anything like that right now. Or you could just out with it and say that you didnt feel a spark between the two of you. Either way, he'll probably feel hurt/rejected...but he'll be fine.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Tell him you like him as a friend, but you're not a match romantically.

[Cute Band Rat]

Thanks Lara. I'm really not sure WHY my interest waned. I DO like him but maybe it's just that I don't want to pursue anything further right now. At the same time I don;t want to do what many here hate...and keep him hanging.

Again, there is nothing really wrong with him. He's nice, nice looking, he thinks I'M the cats MEOW(he's said this).....but I dunno. One small detail though, is that I AM still interested in someone else but thats another story entirely.

[lara78]

well you could even let him know that right now you are interested in someone else so dont want to string him along...and you dont feel a spark. Tell him he's a great guy and good looking too (:

[Stari]

well you could even let him know that right now you are interested in someone else so dont want to string him along

This is a good suggestion.

 

...and you dont feel a spark.

And then you tell him that you must go home to read Cinderella and wait for Prince Charming to sweep you away. Having butterflies in the stomach after meeting once is prerequisite for love, after all.

 

No really. Love is a friendship that has caught fire. I personally do not think that there has to be a romantic interest, a "spark", from the get go.

 

Tell him he's a great guy and good looking too (

If he really was that great he would not be turned down. The dumper's praise is not very credible. The bottom line is that the bad outweighs the good. The honest thing is to let words match the action, that is, hold the praise when you are dumping.

[atraceofblood]

can you please let us know what the outcome is?

[Dating Coach]

Cute Band Rat,

 

You lost interest in the guy because you didn't get the right feelings from him. He seems like a nice fun guy, maybe even good looking, but there was something that was lacking, even if you can't put your finger on it. This is normal. Girls are VERY good at trusting and going with their gut. This guy did something that severed the romantic attraction factor. Who knows what it is, and I couldn't point it out unless I heard the whole story from both sides, but that's not the point here. The point is that you are no longer interested in him, yet he is interested in you still.

 

Unfortunately the best thing to do is simply tell him the truth. I know girls (and guys!) don't like to do it, but guys aren't as good at going with their gut on these things like girls are. If he had any sense to follow his feelings on the situation, he would have picked up on the fact that you have a low interest level due to you declining his offer for July 4th without offering a counter date coupled with the fact that you've never called him up after that to set up another date.

 

Alas this is the curse of most men. You have to tell him you're not romantically interested in him for him to take a hint, and sometimes guys keep trying even after that.

 

As to the guys of this forum, let this be a reminder that women do not like telling a guy who is nice that she's not interested. It's uncomfortable for her and puts her in a situation where she feels like she is hurting someone who's done nothing wrong. You guys would do everyone a favor if you paid attention to a womans actions to figure out whether or not it's worth pursuing. In this case her actions clearly signal that she is not interested yet the guy is still trying. She's refused his July 4th date without counter offering another meeting, and she did not call him back to set up a date. If she was truly interested this would not have happened.

[Orlander]

...I don't want to pursue anything [further] right now

go with that. It's perfect.

 

This guy did something that severed the romantic attraction factor.

Assumption drawn from no real evidence. Guys dont have to do anything wrong. I recently turned down this very very nice and attractive woman who asked me out (a good friend no less) because, of all things, she reminds me of my mother. I told her I wasn't ready to date anyone. I could never tell her the truth.

 

Point is, conditions just have to be right for that spark to appear and ignite. I think most of the time there is little ryme or reason.

 

 

Orlander

[Dating Coach]

Assumption drawn from no real evidence.

 

What are you talking about? She said very clearly: "I WAS interested at first, but my interest kinda waned a bit." thereforeeee something changed, she was no longer feeling it for him. Something about him ended up giving her the feeling that this wasn't right. She doesn't have to be able to name what it was, but something changed this guy from being someone she is interested in to someone she is not.

 

I recently turned down this very very nice and attractive woman who asked me out (a good friend no less) because, of all things, she reminds me of my mother. I told her I wasn't ready to date anyone. I could never tell her the truth.

 

This is not even the same thing. First off, something she did was wrong (wrong meaning wrong to ignite your interest), because something she did or the impression she gave reminded you of your mother and that wasn't what you wanted. Secondly, you didn't say you were interested in her and going out on dates only to decide afterward that she wasn't the one. Thirdly, two different couples, two different scenarios, two different genders.

 

Point is, conditions just have to be right for that spark to appear and ignite. I think most of the time there is little ryme or reason.

 

There is this girl Katie that likes me. No conditions will cause me to like her or cause a "spark" between us. She simply isn't what I am interested in. Not anymore.

[Orlander]

This is not even the same thing.

 

No, no. My bad. At first I was interested in this woman, but after about a week I realized "Whoo, this girl reminds me of my mom." Nothing she did. Just a general feeling I didn't notice at first. It just happens. Doesn't matter about gender.

 

I have a friend whom I remember hearing a story from recently where she liked this guy and went out with him a few times. On one date, she had her period and felt bloated during the date and generally uncomfortable. She told me she didn't go out with him after that because she thought she looked fat.

 

I guess he didn't woo her enough to make her forget about how she felt, but sometimes people just lose that loving feeling for no real reason at all. Doesn't mean anybody did anything "wrong".

 

 

Orlander

[Orlander]

My friend's name is Katie too. Wonder if it's the same girl.

[Dating Coach]

I have a friend whom I remember hearing a story from recently where she liked this guy and went out with him a few times. On one date, she had her period and felt bloated during the date and generally uncomfortable. She told me she didn't go out with him after that because she thought she looked fat.

 

Whew! I wouldn't want another date with her if she's that flakey! Yeesh!