How can i be less selfish?

[JohnSTThompson]

Pretty much what it says on the title, and please don't say it's ok to be a little indulgent because i'm ruining my relationships with those around me with my self centeredness.

Please, any advice. it's very much needed.

 

p.s. if this has been posted before, i apologise but i couldnt find it.

[NKP]

Well when people talk just listen, show how much you care, buy little gifts for the people you care about. Just be there to be a shouder to cry on

[yeawutever]

Agree, be there when people need your help. Maybe they're thinking you're not a good listener and thus try avoiding you, not wanting to tell you their problems. Inform them that your views have change and that you won't be judging them anymore nor ignoring them.

[arwen]

I think it is a good sign that you have a knowledge of yourself, and that you admit this is affecting your relationships. I think you can start out by thinking about the way you converse with people. If they tell you something about themselves, do you usually respond by telling something about yourself and thereby switching the topic to yourself? It could then be a start to open up to the other person and start talking about them. Another thing is your agenda. If people want to see you, do you usually arrange so it fits your way and not necessary theirs? That is also an 'easy' thing to change.

 

Ilse

[Boughtandpaidfor]

I would say concentrate on giving- I feel that's the only thing I can say about you - your post doesn't tell me anything. If you are selfish then why are you selfish? Perhaps you thought we would immediately understand?- that could be the problem- are you aware that we are separate? You have to give more than that in order to connect and it's difficult to make a relationship with someone who's so far away- perhaps you need to show a different part of yourself. Take a few risks.

 

Again this all me guessing because you didn't say much.

[JohnSTThompson]

i did not assume that you would all immediately understand but i tried to boil the problem down to it's origins.

Others parts of it include being paranoid about how people see me, arrogance, self obsession and distrust, even of people i've known for a while. and yes, i am aware that you are separate, that every person has just as much separate awareness as i have, im not a psychopath.

 

for what you have said so far i am infinately grateful, much of it rings true. Of course, implementing it will be harder than saying thank you but that's the only thing i can write here, so thank you.

[jb3434]

This might sound a little out there, but you might want to ask yourself why you are asking for help. Are you asking for help because your genuinely thinking about the others your hurting? Or Are you asking for help because you dont like the way others are reacting to your behavior and you want others to treat you better? I honestly am not criticizing you for asking for help, im just trying to show you an example of how people may be ignorant of their own intentions. In order to not be selfish you must train yourself to recognize your true intentions. Because its really easy to lie to yourself. If you can train yourself to do that, you will always know when your being selfish and you wont need others to tell you. The key is to be able to question yourself.

[CHINOOKA]

Haha! Good question. We all ask ourselves that from time to time I think. At least I do. Or if we don't, someone in our lives is asking why can't we be less selfish. I think it is important to evaluate our situation and our relationships before going on a quest to be less selfish. Sometimes it is necessary. Are the people in our lives interested in our well being? are we in good standing with them? or are we banished, and outcast, and fending for ourselves? You get the idea...