HELP: To Quit or Not To Quit ?

[seowcc]

Hi there,

 

My wife and I were separated for 2 months odd now. It was a built-up of frustrations in her about past seem-resolved

issues and the lack of common activities. Also, she shoulders very heavy responsibility at work and she felt I wasn't

supporting her enough. Although I have my explanations but I will drop it here. I just wanna say that I love my wife

and I've always wanted her to be happy. I was surprised by the many frustrations she told me as I can't possibly read

her mind. She's a very intelligent, loving yet stubborn woman. Anyway, I've moved out for 2 months now.

 

Right now, I am wondering what is happening to our relationship... That's why I am writing here.

 

When we first separated, she did not want to reply my "hello" email/sms. In fact, she preferred me not to do so as

she did not want to think of me. Gradually, she started to call me and we chat a short while. As weeks past, we also

talked about plans for our house and insurance. After 5 weeks apart, we met for dinner, had some good chat and I kissed

her goodbye on the taxi. I've continued to send her gifts and fix up things at home when I am free. Then 2 weeks ago, I

brought her to a party and we really enjoyed that Friday evening. I send her home and we had a really passionate night.

We hugged and snuggled after the actions but when I told her that I love her she skipped her reply. Instead, she asked me

in what ways did I love her. Then 2 days later, we went swimming, caught a movie and had dinner, holdings hands together.

I felt great that week because things seemed to improve so so much!

 

Last week, she was very stressed at work and her response to me went downhill again. She sounded bored when I called

her and when I met her at home last Sunday, she just did her own things. She said she's tired and don't feel like talking.

Eventually, I politely left the place and gave her the peace. *I felt like an idiot there, really*

 

Frankly, I really feel like filing for a divorce now but deep in me, I still believe my wife is still alive in this marriage. I believe

she's just not sure about herself and she's too stressed up at work to think about these things. Being a stubborn girl, she

do not accept failure in her projects. I don't expect her to be as loving as she used to be immediately; I just want her to try

living together again and to let me share her load/stress. But she seemed to be taking her own time and left me hanging

outside in a rented place. It's very hurting and difficult for me. Worse, I have to appear positive or this marriage may go burst.

 

Well, that's my story... Ladies esp, should I call it quit? Is my wife still alive and able to love again? How can I make her

feel secure to come back to me? I'm celebrating her birthday dinner on Aug 16. Any tips beside flowers and cards?

 

Thank you all so much...

 

From an imperfect loving husband.

[sharkgirl]

Hello,

 

I have strong opinions on this, but I think that one of the reasons for the divorce rates skyrocketing is that people give up. Relationships take work, people are lazy. If there is no abuse in the marraige and there is still love on both parts then everything should be done to try to get the good stuff back. It sounds as if she is preoccupied with work and when that comes into play the relationship gets put on a backburner. I don't think the relationship should ever get put on the backburner. I really think you need to establish with her whether she still loves you. If she still loves you then I suggest you try everything in your power to try and mend things. I wouldn't file for the big D just yet. You seem really honest about it and from what you said so far, it doesn't sound like you want to close the door on this yet, so listen to your gut and don't!

[seowcc]

Surely, I don't want to go for the big D... but it's really wearing me out day by day and emotionally, I am like riding a roller coaster.. Initially, when I asked her whether she loves me, she refused to answer anything. But she does get worry if she can't get me over the phone for too long. Well... I guess I will press on for as long as I humanly can..

[NewlywedinMD]

I am going through something very similar. We are going to counseling, not that we have been there too much since the counsler is on vacation for 3 weeks.

 

Same roller coaster and all. If she would have said something instead of thinking it would fix itself, we would be fine and happy as can be