the fear of the unknown

[shorty20]

I'm in another mood today. I don't know where I'm going, or what I"m doing with my life... don't know which chances to take, and which ones to let pass by. I'm so confused right now. Well, it's more like my head is confused... my hear knows exactly what it wants. My guy leaves two weeks from today to go to his base in Georgia, and then to Afghanistan in December. We have such an amazing time together, and we just click. My roommate dosen't like him for some reason, and thinks that his anger, and his drinking makes him a bad choice for me. I view it more as, he has a few beers at night because he's pretty much on vacation and after he goes back he won't be able to sit back and have a few beers for 2 years! He's never gotten angry at me, or shown any signs of abuse towards me. Am I just being blind? The only form of anger I've ever seen in him was when a few guys were running their mouths about him, and he called them out on it. He's not an angry person but he's not scared to put someone in their place. My parent's love him. My dad even told me that I would be stupid not to wait for him while he's gone for the two years. He says that it always helps soldiers when they know they have a girl waiting back home for them, and he also said that there are so few good guys out there anymore that I'd be stupid to let this one go. I'm filled with doubts but also with growing love for this guy, and I don't know which way to go. Two years is a long time.... but then again, it's only two years. I'm so confused right now I don't even know if I'm making sense. I don't even know what kind of advice I'm looking for, but I just had to get this all off my chest.

 

-by the way, for those of you who read a few of my posts about how he almost got in a fight with one of my friends... well we went to one of my friend's 21st b-day parties on Friday, and the kid he almost got in a fight with was there. I was worried at first, but the first thing my guy did was order two shots and take them over to my friend. They took a shot together and my guy apologized if he was out of line... I was very proud of him... just wanted to give y'all an update with that.

[itseuphoric]

that is a difficult situation to be in! i sympathize with you. my advice is for you to just decide now what you want. if you honestly feel the relationship will go somewhere and you really do love him, then the two year wait will be so worth it! if you aren't sure about the relationship or about him, then make the decision now. don't wait it out. it doesn't matter if your family and friends like him...what matters is that you are happy. keep that in mind!

as for his "anger" issue...as long as he's not angry with you and/or abusing you, then you've got nothing to worry about! i don't know a single person who wouldn't get heated at someone talkin crap about them, so i don't see that as much of an anger issue. but if he ever starts to abuse you or anything like that, get out of the relationship. that is not healthy.

i hope that the situation works out for you! best of luck!

[RayKay]

Two years is a long time, and so I can't tell you whether it's right for you or not. It won't be easy - and not so much due to the time apart, but also the added stress of dating someone in a war zone. Not easy, by any stretch. That being said too, even if you do decide to "wait" it does not guarantee it will work out during, or after, that time either. I would suggest you take off the pressure and stay in contact if you want, but don't put great expectations on it. After all you just started dating, and that does not change whether he left tomorrow, or in 5 years or never, it will develop on it's own time (or not).

 

As for the drinking...it may be just a "vacation thing" but it may not be. He will be able to find beer overseas too - though they are in "hidden bars" for the most part. I guess just be cautious. It's no huge secret that the military is a profession that tends to have big troubles with alchoholism, more so when you are put into stressful situations or come back from them. Just my own experiences, but alchoholism, divorce rates, infidelity, abuse, tend to be much more prominent in stressful positions like this - due to the environment and stress. This happens in the military, police, etc.

 

But honestly, it's for you two to decide. Does HE want you to wait for him? Where does he see this going?

[shorty20]

I think he's scared to ask me to wait for him. I mean, we both said when he came back that we wern't looking for relationships, that we were just having fun and hanging out. Then, it went to him telling me that he didn't want to see anyone else and he didn't want me to see anyone else for the next 4 weeks that he was here (that was two weeks ago) and now, when he stays over (once or twice a week now) he sometimes gets sad at night because he thinks about leaving me and not being able to sleep with me anymore. He tells me things like I"m one of the only things he'll miss while I'm away, and he'll be like "ya, by the time I come back you'll probaly already be married to some doctor and have a baby or something" we've been kind of avoiding the topic of him leaving because I'm just trying to make his time here as memorable as possible. I tell him he needs to write me all the time (when he was in boot camp we wrote to each other 3 times a week) and he always says things like "i'm starting to like you too much" I tell him the same, because I told him from the beginning I didn't want to get attached, but you can't help what your heart wants I guess...

[Momene]

Wow! What a dilemma! I'd say 2 years at 21 is a very long time and you haven't really got past the honeymoon period. I really don't know what to suggest.