jeffreyt Posted June 29, 2006 Share Posted June 29, 2006 In case someone doesn't know my story here it is I know this probably goes against all the rules of NC and some people won't agree with it but hear me out on my rational for sending this. This has been eating me up inside for almost two weeks now and it actually has bothered me more so then missing her and that is why I felt I need to send this for my own good and with the help of someone on here decided to send this. One of the last time actually I talked to her was when I saw here walk in a bar with another guy holding his hand after she told me a few days earlier she didn't want to go out with any guys at all and I when I saw her with this guy I over reacted(which as most of us could imagine it wasn’t a good feeling) and went up to her an made a fool of myself when she wasn’t with him and did something so out of character of my personality and I totally disrespected her which is something I never do to anyone it's the just not the way I treat people and it basically has been eating me up inside for almost two weeks. So I went right into NC and have not any contact with her since she texted me that same night and said she was sorry and called me twice after that and didn't answer the first call at 4am that morning but did answer when she called later in the morning and we talked for 5 minutes. I didn't want to make this email sound like I was trying to get her back or anything like that and I didn't want to make any excuses or put any blame on her, even if she "lied" to me I didn't want to make her feel as if she owed me an apology. I just needed to do this for ME and make me feel better as a person because I never do anything like this. I know I feel 100% better right now for sending this email even if it does go against the rules of NC even if she doesn't respond back to this I don't have a problem because I know I did the right thing for myself and I feel so good inside.(I may even have a glass of wine or two tonight I feel so good anyone want to join me lol) I know I need to focus on ME and my getting my life back in order. So I would assume I should go back to NC now (or as someone mentioned to maybe go to "feeding the bird" scenario) and if she does respond what should I do. Here is the email I sent Dear, I really want to apologize for making that scene at the bar. I'm so embarrassed about my behavior and can't believe I acted so out of character of me. I acted on impulse and completely disregarded your feelings. I know I humiliated and hurt you, and for this I'm SO very sorry for that I realize we aren't together and it's your life to live, and I completely respect that. This was so not the Jeff you've known for the past 4 months I've just had so much on my mind lately (that isn't an excuse for my actions).This did make me realize I needed to take a step back and get away from everything and for the past two weeks I've just taken time for myself and I really wanted to focus on ME for once in my life and it really helped. I hope you can forgive me. I really value you as a person, and I would really love to hear from you when you're ready to talk. Link to comment
jeffreyt Posted June 29, 2006 Author Share Posted June 29, 2006 Oops I forgot to add the end of the email now it's added,maybe I already had to much wine lol Link to comment
Iceman26 Posted June 29, 2006 Share Posted June 29, 2006 If it made you feel better to get it out, then that's cool. Though this isn't what you want to hear, you saw for yourself that she has already moved on. I suggest you do the same. Link to comment
jeffreyt Posted June 29, 2006 Author Share Posted June 29, 2006 Shelly, It was sent this morning. Iceman, Now that I sent this I feel much better and can move. Link to comment
friscodj Posted June 29, 2006 Share Posted June 29, 2006 It sounds to me like you're in denial bro. You say you sent that letter for yourself yet when I read the last line, it sure sounds like a subtle request to talk and reconcile this relationship. At any rate, she told you one thing, then you see her doing something else, with another guy no less. Even if it is just hand-holding, people don't usually hold hands with someone they aren't involved with... The best thing you can do for yourself is accept this is done and start walking the road of grief which will lead to the promised land of healing. Make today the first day you start the journey... Sending this made you feel better. Good! Now disappear from her life entirely... Link to comment
jeffreyt Posted June 29, 2006 Author Share Posted June 29, 2006 friscodi, Sounds good to me but actually my last line was stated to basically talk in general trust me I realized in my situation(if you read about it) I'm not in any position to get back into a relationship right now I need to get my life in order. I'm moving on just needed to get this off my chest and feel better off about myself. Plus that's why I posted this in here not in the forum on trying to get back. Thanks Jeff Link to comment
shelly7 Posted June 29, 2006 Share Posted June 29, 2006 Okay what's done is done. I can relate to your situation, I'm glad you feel like you have closure. Although by the last line of your email, I'm not sure if you truly hit the anger stage yet. I agree with Friscodj it is time to disappear from her life. Let her wonder about you. More importantly, you need to work on you and work on forgetting her. You deserve someone that treats with you respect. Link to comment
friscodj Posted June 29, 2006 Share Posted June 29, 2006 I think from her perspective, she might take that last line how I took it...and the whole feeling of your email leads me to believe that as well... But that's irrelevant...because you're gone...now make sure you stay that way! Link to comment
jeffreyt Posted June 29, 2006 Author Share Posted June 29, 2006 Well how ironic I just got an email from her I don't think I'll even respond back since I already answered in my email her question about why I would yell at her It's time to move on. Does everyone agree not to email and move on. As far as I'm concerned no more emails and move on(high five to everyone) Jeff, Well that is quite an apology and I accept it. I really don't get why you would act like that. I have free will to date whoever I want. There has been way to much drama for me to deal with. After the sh_t with your ex wife I cant believe you would yell at me like that but the past is the past. Link to comment
shelly7 Posted June 29, 2006 Share Posted June 29, 2006 I agree completely! Good for you! Link to comment
friscodj Posted June 29, 2006 Share Posted June 29, 2006 It's time to move on. Does everyone agree? YES!!!!! Link to comment
lonestar_80 Posted June 29, 2006 Share Posted June 29, 2006 I agree it sounds like you are trying to get back together. I would not worry about it or wait for her to write you back. Just move on to NC. EX's always lie and say that they do not want to date anyone else, but most of the time they already have someone lined up before they dump you. Thats just how the breakup game goes. Don't stress about the email just work on healing and moving on yourself. Good Luck! Link to comment
friscodj Posted June 29, 2006 Share Posted June 29, 2006 Oh yeah, in the event she does contact you again, email, text, voicemail, etc., I've found it helpful not to read/listen to it. Delete it, it never happened, she's talking to no one because you're gone... Don't let curiosity get the better of you! Link to comment
jeffreyt Posted June 29, 2006 Author Share Posted June 29, 2006 friscodi, You're the man thanks!!! Link to comment
friscodj Posted June 29, 2006 Share Posted June 29, 2006 friscodi, You're the man thanks!!! No, you da man...now get better and go find a woman who believes the same thing and treats you as such! Link to comment
blender Posted June 29, 2006 Share Posted June 29, 2006 No more contact, you sent a nice apology and she could have chosen to simply say she accepted it and thank you, but she chose to throw the ball back... DON'T PICK IT UP... let go now, feel good about apologizing and take the lessons learned from this and let her go... she has stated she can "date whomever I want"... so let her... let her sit with the email and the energy it put out.. it's negative and now she can live with it, like you had to live with your regret for two weeks... you both have made mistakes and now it's time to cut your losses and learn from this by NOT CONTACTING HER, OR RESPONDING... as you said, you already stated why you yelled and you apologized... nothing more to be said, or more importantly NOTHING MORE TO BE GAINED BY GOING TO THIS DRY WELL FOR WATER... you'll only die of thirst... Be proud of yourself for apologizing and remember to NEVER let that type of outburst happen again, for your own sake... Link to comment
Pikey1972 Posted June 29, 2006 Share Posted June 29, 2006 Jeffrey, can you block her e-mail account? That way you don't need to worry about any more of her e-mails popping up! Hang on in there, there's someone special out there for you Link to comment
jeffreyt Posted June 29, 2006 Author Share Posted June 29, 2006 Blender, thanks I really appreciate it you hit the nail on the head she could have just said thanks but chose throw it back at me an dbe negative(she must not have read the email I sent very good since I alluded to her response in it) Oh well like you said let her sit on that last email. Wow I feel so good today!!! Pikey, I probably can block her emails Link to comment
blender Posted June 29, 2006 Share Posted June 29, 2006 I never blocked my ex's email, I felt great satisfaction that eight months after the break up when he started to contact me via email, and that I had the SELF RESPECT to NOT reply. Don't get me wrong, if he had stated his intentions clearly that he wanted to get back together and regretting leaving me, I would have responded, but like so many dumpers, his curiosity got the better of him when I kept up no contact and he was simply wanting to alleviate his "wondering what I was up to"... NO way, he lost the PRIVILAGE of being in my life because of the way he CHOSE to run away... even though I was THRILLED to hear from, thank god I had close friends and this site to help me put it in perspective before I reacted with my heart instead of my head.... After all the heartache, wondering, crying, sobbing, endless cycle of thoughts of "what if's" and "why's" I finally moved on and could see the relationship more clearly, it was always all about HIM.. I just couldn't see it because I was so in love with what I THOUGHT WE COULD BE.... ugh.. so much energy, but glad to say "lesson learned, dignity restored". Hang in there.. the best is ahead of you, not behind you.. Link to comment
Pikey1972 Posted June 29, 2006 Share Posted June 29, 2006 I wish I had your willpower, blender: the reason I blocked my ex's e-mail account is to stop myself from obsessively checking my e-mails to see if he's written (he used to send me a lunchtime e-mail every day, even after we split up: the e-mails were typically three lines long, no substance, just to check up on me etc...) At least now I don't worry about whether he's tried to e-mail me or not, and I feel heaps better. I used to analyse every single word...if he wants to get back with me, he knows where to find me...in the meantime, I'm too busy moving on... ;-) Link to comment
jeffreyt Posted June 29, 2006 Author Share Posted June 29, 2006 Blender, thanks again and you're right I will not block her email I'm strong now but I must admit her negativity in that email response kinda open my eyes alot if it was me and If received that email that I sent her I would have never responded like she did oh well her loss Thanks again Link to comment
blender Posted June 29, 2006 Share Posted June 29, 2006 Good for you Pikey, it was wise for you to block him, it's all about protecting your own heart right after the break up, and when we start caring for ourselves, we eliminate the people (ex's) who do not live up to who we believed them to be... and yeah it's sad, but in time all will heal, and I bet any money your ex will come around even if just out of curiosity, and now he'll have to actually pick up the phone if he has the courage... Email's are just so cowardly from the dumper, they just are so emotionally irresponsible, after all the intamcy share, they send an email????.. YUK... grow up, right? You're doing great and you are an inspiration to Jeffery too.... hang in there, if a someone knows how to really love you, they come back... if not, be grateful that you are not putting any more energy into a bottomless bank... You sound good, confident and healing.... Link to comment
didyoumissme Posted June 29, 2006 Share Posted June 29, 2006 jeffreyt, I'm glad you feel much better now after sending the email & you got a reply back.. Now you can start NC again, and finally move on with your life! Link to comment
jeffreyt Posted June 30, 2006 Author Share Posted June 30, 2006 didyoumissme, Thanks alot it means alot coming from you. Link to comment
.jpg.1626fbc48c04fd9021fd315819807524.thumb.jpg.882936eb5901fa05cf31c75617acde2e.jpg)
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now