Tension over my NC contract

[Silentlyfor]

Ya know what... I'm not mad at the moment, but it does bother me that my ex found a guy that is MY OPPOSITE(or so it seems). (not trying to toot my own horn here) I have a large, open and briliant mind. As far as I know, he's an idiot.

I have a very peaceful personality. He's a brute. I'm handsome. He short, fat and really ugly. He like dogs. I don't. He fights for his county. I couldn't concieve using a firearm against another person. I'm open to dating women and taking mly time with whom I CHOOSE to love. He took my ex in a drop of a dime, claiming to love her the moment her met her and visa versa. What the hell?

 

I thought she liked guys like me?

[Silentlyfor]

My chest is tight. I can't breath. And I don't know why. Guess being NC2 does have a toll on my system.

[Allie.]

^ hey red, i know the feeling. this is gonna sound super weird but it helps so to heck with that. anyway, it is possible to have physical pains when being emotionally attached....to ease those pains, you have to breathe deeply and slowly a couple of times. [we only take up 50% percent of lung space when we normally breathe] Make sure you get a 100% in there so that your heart can slow down because there is more AIR to deal with. And also, place your hand where it hurts on your body...its said "touch" can do "wonders". It's true in my case. My hand seems to give off heat that warms the hurting parts of me and it really helps in the end [=

 

always,

Allie.

[HangingInThere]

Ya know... the fact that I'm afraid of thinking of myself as a stalker that can be caught(Better than the alternative which is causing myself more) that can be found out is motivation enough.

 

I've already done regretful things before when I broke NC. I think I should be the bigger person(figuratively... my ex-partner is obese) and bear this pain. Thanks guys.

 

no input right now, haven't read this thread in its entirety....

i am sorry to laugh, but i had too!

[stolenshadow]

My chest is tight. I can't breath. And I don't know why. Guess being NC2 does have a toll on my system.

 

You feel that way because you are struggling with the inevitable.

 

Thoughts of "I need her now" appear because you haven't let go, if you go back a few replies there are some very good thoughts Blender left (#35 and #36), that's how you deal with craving.

 

It's really normal what you are going through, you may get anxiety over all this, it is draining to move back and forth, that's why it's better if you just let go of your ex.

 

Let feelings come and go, the hurt won't last forever.

[Silentlyfor]

NC 0 again... I send a long message to her. She says that she will call the police with a harrasment charge. Not proud of myself right now.... Even though that message was mostly closure and not at all insulting. Jesus, I need to wake up.....

[Allie.]

red. i'm soo sorry. hang in there bud. please please please dont break NC! she doesn't want you around. hang in there. you can make it on your own. you were just fine before her and you'll be just fine after her. hang on!

[Silentlyfor]

Thanks... actually... you know my last letter to my ex in my thread? The long one? Yeah... that.

 

Oh well. This will blow over. I'll forget this and I will just start NC. And my friends BETER NOT FRIGGIN' SHOW ME, OR TELL ME ABOUT MY EX. I'm sick of that women. I want a * * * *ing CHLOE FREE MONTH! JUST ONE * * * *ING CHLOE FREE MONTH!!!

[gaiden]

red, just carry around mace and everytime they tell you something, mace them. that'll get them to stop (or call the cops on you)

 

 

[Silentlyfor]

I just realize something. Even though I went through therapy to deal with my anger, I still have unresolved issues from my past. I have anger from the abuse from my family that I seem to be projecting, so I've developed a technique to uncover this anger and release it in any way that I can.

 

I think... well... this is coming to close. As long as there are no cops involved here(over a freakin' email PPFFFT, please), I have nothing to worry. about.

 

Question; is it considered stalking if this is the second email I've sent her and I didn't even physically try to seek her out?

[Allie.]

no its not considered stalking...

 

but if you have a psycho ex-girlfriend...it may be [=

 

haha. consider yourself GONE! be glad you're far away from her. run fast.

 

allie.

[Silentlyfor]

Thanks allie. though I was asking about myself.

 

I felt I NEEDED to say that to move on. If I didnt, I would have kept hating her for all the things she put me through... I couldn't let it go without telling her what made me so angry.

 

Personally, I think my friends take everything I do WAY too seriously as well.

 

But for now, NC1.

[Allie.]

hahaha. well. i think you attained some "closure".

 

now its time to move on and STICK to NC red. i'm holding your word for this one...

 

allie.

[Bethany]

You needed closure and to get things off your chest for you, don't let her get to you. There was no need for her to do that to you after only two mails. I reckon she is obsessing over you obsessing and reading her myspace so use your head and don't go there again.

 

EVERYTIME you think you are doing the right thing by checking her or mailing her, you're mind is losing control to your emotions, it can mess with your head and fool you into believing that you can put things right and make those feelings go away inside you by doing it. DON'T BELIEVE IT!!!. Come back here and talk to us instead, you can write as many letters to her as you want on this site, just don't post them to her..

 

Just remember what a B**** she can be.

[Silentlyfor]

You are right. I guess I was still shaken after that whole thing with the picture. But I do admit, I FEEL relieved that I finally just got closure on everything in that email.

 

I know she didn't need to hear that, but really... it felt so good.

[Allie.]

hahahahaha. yesss. releasing our feelings does do us all some good.

[Silentlyfor]

Doing well today guys. Barely thought of her. Not made at her and I think I'm pulling through. I'm going to stay with my dad for a while until I can get her clear of my system away from my stupid friends. It's going to be good for awhile.

[Allie.]

good job red! you're on the right track. now...

 

STAY THERE

[Silentlyfor]

After so much grief, is it normal for your intelligence to drop? I don't feel as acute or eloquent as I used to be. And my thoughts aren't as clear as they were before this grief happened.

 

My question is, will I get my 50 points of IQ back?

[Bethany]

Yes it is normal for your intelligence to 'drop' . I was like a bumbling fool for a while even though I knew my job inside out and was extremely good at it.

 

And yes, you will get that 50 points back, and be a little stronger and wiser too.

 

Good Luck and have fun at your Dad's, I think it's going to do you good to recover and have other interests for a while. A change is as good as a rest, as they say...

[Silentlyfor]

Shakes happening... Might be the fact that I've had WAY TOO MUCH caffine today. Thinking of ex... raelly not cool. Not as bad as any time before this... but want this to stop.

 

At least I can work...

[shelly7]

Shakes happening... Might be the fact that I've had WAY TOO MUCH caffine today. Thinking of ex... raelly not cool. Not as bad as any time before this... but want this to stop.

 

At least I can work...

 

 

Sounds like a panic/anxiety attack. I had one when everything first happened with my ex and me, I went for a jog, a long jog (and i never run). Too much adrenaline pumping through your veins. And it would be a good idea to ease up on the caffeine. Hang in there RM you're doing awesome!

[Silentlyfor]

I really want to stop thinking about her. All it does it make me mad or miserable. And my thoughts annoyingly drift to what she's doing RIGHT now and what she is doing with her new guy.... What is wrong with me?

 

And another thing.... I still can't believe that they feel in love at first sight. THAT DOESN'T HAPPEN... there I said it.

[Allie.]

it doesn't happen.

 

its lust at first sight.

[gaiden]

I really want to stop thinking about her. All it does it make me mad or miserable. And my thoughts annoyingly drift to what she's doing RIGHT now and what she is doing with her new guy.... What is wrong with me?

 

And another thing.... I still can't believe that they feel in love at first sight. THAT DOESN'T HAPPEN... there I said it.

 

Hey mr red mage. I'm sure you won't be surprised to tell you that I'll bet MOST of the people here want to stop thinking about their ex's. Now, I could be wrong here, but I seriously don't think we have any control over our emotions. None. The only control we have is the control over wether we allow our emotions to control us. Does that make sense. The are there, they are always there, but it's in our power to either rule them or allow them to rule us.

 

My therapist said the only place he knows that emotions should be allowed to run free is in between the sheets. Everywhere else, we need to make sure we are doing our best to keep them in check.

 

Embrace the feelings, don't fight them. The more you fight the whole thing, the worse it's going to get. Have a good cry, or several good cries and soon you will notice that while the emotions are still there, you aren't dwelling on them, giving them control over you.

 

Make sense?