It is only getting worse....

[LovinIt]

It seems the cheating I am doing is only getting worse. The guy I have been dating and I have separated in the last few days. I have let him know what his options are after 6 months of being in the gray area. I have given him three.....that is, he can either committ completely, become my boyfriend and be 100 percent into the relationship, OR we can become less serious and keep more of our options open, OR it needs to be over. He doesn't like any of them, as, he wants to keep me as a so called girlfriend, but not call me that. I find it weird, not normal, and a way to keep himself from the responsibility of one. I am no longer standing for it. But the only way I have gotten through being so strong, is because I have been having sex, and spending time with another co worker. We all work together, including the guy I WAS dating.

 

I feel bad sometimes, but other times I don't. I am not even sure I would want to be his girlfriend anymore, even if he did decide to committ. I thought I was really in love with him, and maybe i am...but this other guy has totally made me question my love for the other man. I am wondering if I am enjoying the newness of another man's attention, something that I felt i was not receiving in my own relationship. I am nervous that the more time I spend with this other guy, which has been a lot, will ruin my other relationship that i cherished so much just the other week. I am also nervous that I am spending time with someone whom I have no intentions of having a relationship with, he is a good 5 years older than me, and seems as if he does not have his stuff together. I know he will never say a word about anything that has happened with him and I, but I can't help but think I will hurt him in the process. He mentioned today that he did not want to be, "kicked to the curb."

 

I guess my question is this. With the guy I am currently dating/figuring things out with, it is time to call it quits.? He asked me today why I needed him to be my boyfriend and I simply stated that it was a normal thing to do, and that I was not willing to back down. I also asked why he didn't want to do something that would make me happy, and he asked me why i wanted to make him do something that made him unhappy. I find that a very hurtful response from someone who says they love me. I dont want to make this guy committ when he doesnt want to, yet he wont let me be with anyone else.

 

I am afraid if i keep seeing this other guy behind his back that it will ultimately destroy this other relationship. I cant decide if that is a good thing. I dont want to find myself missing him in the end, after i decide that I have had enough with the new guy. I feel like a horrible person. I dont see this being good for anyone ultimatly. Any advice on whhich way to go? I dont want to hurt anyone, but I have a feeling someone is going to be. Please help.

[Süsser Tod]

Hasn't it already destroyed the previous relationship???

[LovinIt]

I am still talking about the same one. Some people have not been reading the other posts, so I was starting fresh.

[yeawutever]

Yes I would get fed up with it being drag for so long and no commitment. I don't really think you're in love with your date man, but it's more like infatuation, that's sometimes confuse with the actually feelings of deep connections. It's when you are thinking of him, when you fancy him so much that he appears in your dreams sometimes, you're even imagining you guys are together, but the thought goes away quickly and easily. The other man made the infatuation go away for a while, but then it appears again, it's more like a childidh fantasy you're experiencing with your date, this happens, it's common.

[fishrrshortae]

I also asked why he didn't want to do something that would make me happy, and he asked me why i wanted to make him do something that made him unhappy./QUOTE]

 

I would've dumped him for that alone. Yikes, how mean..

 

It sounds like your original relationship isn't going anywhere anyways, so what's the point of trying to work on it?

[yeawutever]

True, there seems to be no actual direction to where is this, umm date going. I wouldn't be dating a guy for a long time only to not wanting to establish a relation. Might as well be over with it. If you wanna give him some more time, which I would be long gone, try 1 month, if he still says the same thing he's saying now, then dump him and move on with a guy who wants to commit.

[lonestar_80]

This does not sound good. If a person wants to be with you (sleep with you)but does not want to be with you (make a commitment), then they are just using you.

 

I would dump him if he does not change his mind. He is just using you. Does he still have a girlfriend? If he does then do not expect it to work out.