My dad looks at porn

[rosstheboss]

Hi

I'm needing some good advice here.

My dad asked me to fix his computer and when I was on it I found LOADS of porn. Now I have no problem with porn, I look at it too but then again I'm a young single guy so I have an excuse! My dad sits on his computer for literally hours a day most of the time leaving my mum on her own doing something else. There is nothing wrong with their relationship either. My mum does complain about the amount of time he spends on the computer and I believe she doesn't have a clue what he looks at. He has tried to hide it away too. Also anytime I go into the computer room he'll minimise whatever he is doing.

 

I find this quite disturbing and upsetting so:

Should I do anything at all?

Should I confront him about it?

Should I tell my mum?

 

Thanks for any help.

[helpme2]

I don't think you should tell your mom, it's not really something that's your place to do. If it were me, I would bring it up with my dad, in a non-confrontational way and see if I could get a healthy conversation out of it.

 

(although, I do have a knack for sticking my nose where it doesn't belong)

[Considerate Empath]

I wouldn't do anything about it if I were you.

 

Its not like your father is cheating on your mother for looking at porn - its only natural for men to do that, married or not. If your father saw pamela anderson in real life and checked her out and even drooled a little bit, would that be wrong? No.

 

Give your father a break. He's only human like the rest of us.

 

 

//C.E.

[CHINOOKA]

I was taught as a young person, that looking at pornography is harmful. Our society does it, They call it art. But some people believe that it objectifies women, and depersonalizes sexuality. It exploits women, and lifts sex to a level of public view and knowledge. I personally think it lessens a maritial relationship. If it bothers you to see your father doing this, maybe you could re think how you feel about doing it yourself. Because if it seems wrong for him, and doesnt fit with the roles he represents in your life, then it wont be right for you either.

[southerngirl]

Ross, believe it or not.... his sexuality didnt somehow die when he fathered you. He is still a living breathing being and what he is doing isnt wrong. Even 'old' people have sex, your mom and dad included. Thats just my opinion. I would do nothing about this.

[LostInMyThoughts]

If it's okay for you to look at porn, why isn't it okay for your dad?

 

Who knows, they might even use it to spice things up.

 

The don't tell your mom, advice is pretty good.

 

I also would not bring it up with your dad.

[helpme2]

I would like to add that I would only bring it up with your dad if you feel he has a serious problem with it (like addiction) otherwise, it really is none of your business

 

(and some would say it's not your place even if he is addicted...)

[FoxLocke]

Your dad is a flesh and blood human being. Believe it or not many married couples do have sex...LOL

 

If his viewing is hampering his life(money, loss of jobs, or the death of the marraige) then that could constitute as an addiction that might need some intervention...

 

But if he is just watching to indulge his fantasies(which might aid in a healthier sex life) then I don't see any harm in him looking.

[ComputerGuy]

I wouldn't mention anyhing. You say their relationship is fine? Leave it be then. Personally Id be shocked if I fixed my Dad's PC and DIDN'T find porn.

[sirnext]

I wouldn't say anything unless it's anything but legal. If it's anything objectionable, I'd talk to your dad... but def don't say anything to your mum.

[CapturedFaerie]

Should I do anything at all?

No, it is none of your business since he tried to hide it in his computer and your parents are having a great relationship. Could you really live with the fact that you broke up a great marriage by snooping on a computer you were simply going to fix? I don't mean for that to sound crude, but that's the exact reason I backup my entire harddrive and wipe everything off of it when I ask people to help me fix something...

 

Should I confront him about it?

I don't see that kind of confrontation going down very well. At all. It could severely damage your familial ties with your father...

 

Should I tell my mum?

No. Not only for the reasons stated in my first response, but because what if she does know? Then you're just embarrassing her.

 

My fiance and I both view porn, but we don't leave it in public or go around telling our children "Look! We're watching porn!" In fact, the pornography that I do have is well-hidden because I don't want visitors/my children finding it. But my fiance knows I view it. And I know he views it.

[phantomwolff85]

I wouldn't say they have a great relationship if he's at the computer all day and she's left to do her own thing. If you mom is complaining about something and he's not changing it, then that's not fair to her.

As far as telling your mom, I wouldn't do that because you really shouldn't interfere with their relationship. The only reason why you might want to talk to your dad about this is if he's addicted to porn and it's interfering with your life.

[nmduipd]

I don't think you should say anything to your mum or dad.

It's not really something that's your place to do.

From my experience things like that only cause problems.

 

What you can do, though, is to remember this once you are in a relationship. As someone said, if it's not all right for your dad, it wouldn't be all right for you, would it?

 

Yes, old and married people do have sex.

But people can have their sexuality without watching porn.

I don't think that you have any problems with your parents' sexuality.

 

And, IMO, porn is not compulsory part of someone's sexuality.

 

Depends on people of course, everyone's different, but porn can damage relationship. And, by what you're saying, it seems that is already affect your parents'.

 

You can't change them, but you can learn something from it.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

I feel sorry for your mother.

 

However, it's never a good idea to interfere with anyone's relationship, at all, ever.

 

Porn is one of the sickest inventions known to man (HAHA! and woman, sadly) but you know, as long as it's legal stuff, I wouldn't do anything.

[Spugly Fuglet]

Heres my take.

 

I think porns mind rotting pap, thats my point of view, spending your life looking at it all day every day is good life lost. If it was my dad I would have a chat about his porn addtion. But hes not so do what you feel is best and right.

 

Good luck with this one its a tuffy,